A/N: A jumbling of thoughts is making my poetry screwy tonight.
Unsettling warmth crawls through my skin,
as I am covered by a 50 foot oak.
"Sometimes, you have to go with the waves."
The only feeling in my stomach is happiness.
That and blood, of course, going up my lungs.
"Just jump in already. Get off the shore!"
I stare at my hands, which are pure white,
and slightly blood stained.
"Look, I'm sorry, but it's too..."
No one's going to find me,
and I thought trees kill on impact.
"I'm just glad everything's fine."
I stare at the April sky, stranded in a field,
but I am not alone.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
My torso may be in a field, stranded,
but my feet is in the water, crowded.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I like broccoli.
Thank you
this is a good piece I have never read anything like this I'm wowed you have a real gift empress it you have skills I can never write I'm out of words
Greetings, master Strange! Your favourite neighbourhood Wizard has arrived for a review!
O, let me start off by saying that you confused me when I first read this poem. Your A/N at the beginning of the piece made me expect the piece to be screwy, thus when I read it the first time it was screwy.
However, when one sits back and looks at this piece from a new perspective, you can see the true story this poem tells, and let me tell you, it is far from being screwy.
Like my fellow reviewer down below, I think the conversation snippets add more depth to an all ready great piece. It almost reminded me of flashbacks to previous memories just before one is about to die. Don't get me wrong, that is truly masterfully done.
Your vocabulary and impeccable usage of it is astounding! I can't complain about anything in that category. I actually want to commend you on how you paint these images for your reader with words. Bravo.
The punctuation and capitalization are brilliantly executed in this poem. I personally am not a fan of capitalizing the start of each new line, as some of them naturally flow into one another, thus I was glad to find that you didn't capitalize every line. Your punctuation also doesn't feel out of place, and I applaud you on that.
There are two things I would like to point out, though. The first one is just a nitpick, but I would have written 50 as a word and not a number, but that's just me.
The second is in the last line, where you say "my feet is" instead of "my feet are"
This is overall a marvelous piece, and I enjoyed both reading it and reviewing it. I therefore award you 9.5 out of ten. That is remarkable!!
Yours sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
Heyya.
yay to the ending. The poem wasn't on a happy-go-lucky note, but still, I feel happy because somebody just composed awesome shiz!!
First off, great poem. I liked the imagery here and the description goes well. Honestly, your composition is quite different and I love that.
I loved the speech sentences that depicted certain things. I could literally imagine the voices. It was THAT good. Well, your poem wasn't screwy :p Waddup A/N reference!
""I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
My torso may be in a field, stranded,
but my feet is in the water, crowded."
Did your lines just make me feel awesome? YES, they did
Kudos. Clap clap.
Keep writing and stay blessed. xoxo