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by Stellarjay

A Woodsy vine,

with bright green leaves 

and hanging purple flowers.

The sweet scent 

draws in bees and girls alike,

creating harmony between nature and humans.

The twisted trunk

the fairy like flowers

and the glowing sun

makes it all look mystical.

As the birds trill

the bees buzz

and the wind whispers,

she is at peace.

In a forest 

where human nature ignores

sits a girl

under a wysteria bush

dreaming of a mystical reality.

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64 Reviews

Points: 4504
Reviews: 64

Mon Jun 01, 2020 9:20 pm
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StarlitMind wrote a review...

I love nature poetry, and I enjoyed reading yours! I think you chose a pretty subject, and this was a nice read.

I have two comma suggestions. I know the rules of grammar don't necessarily apply in poetry, but you do use commas elsewhere, so I think your poem could benefit from this. These are are just suggestions, of course, so you don't have to take them! :)

"The twisted trunk

the fairy like flowers

and the glowing sun

makes it all look mystical."

I would change this to the following:

"The twisted trunk,

the fairy like flowers,

and the glowing sun

makes it all look mystical."

And the other:

"As the birds trill

the bees buzz

and the wind whispers,

she is at peace."

I would change it to the following:

"As the birds trill,

the bees buzz,

and the wind whispers,

she is at peace."

I also think this poem could be elevated with more descriptive imagery. You already have some nice imagery going on, but adding more descriptions would make this better. I think you should especially describe the wysteria more, like its purple flowers.

Overall, this is a lovely poem, and I hope this helped!

Stellarjay says...

Thanks for the review!

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955 Reviews

Points: 123981
Reviews: 955

Sun May 31, 2020 4:31 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...

Hi stellarjay!

This is a nice reflective nature poem, you've got some nice little bits of imagery - I think that my main suggestion for the poem would be to focus on a theme and try to emphasize that a bit more.

Right now you have a few threads where the poem goes beyond just "this is nature, nature is pretty" - but gets into some interesting reflections on nature -> like the theme of nature and humans being at peace together! That's pretty interesting and worthy of further reflection. Then the idea of dreaming of something beyond nature. And the idea of harmony between nature and humans. I think that the the themes of peace and harmony definitely make sense paired together, but the theme of dreaming isn't clearly linked into that, so feels like a bit of a random way to end the poem -> where the harmony and peace don't actually culminate into anything. It would be interesting if the girl became the wisteria plant at the end, or vice versa, or if there was some sort of final reflection on that peace/harmony.

As far as grammatical conventions, your division of sentences with capitalization and end-punctuation seemed a bit random and inconsistent. "woodsy" was capitalized without clear reason, and I couldn't figure out the reasoning for some of the sentence divisions. Because most of the poem is almost in list form, you could just write it as one big run-on sentence, or just make the sentences a bit more grammatically clear, whatever you choose, try to be consistent. :)

For the most part your descriptions of the scene were lovely and made sense - my only phrasing/meaning issue were these three lines,

"In a forest / where human nature ignores / sits a girl"

^ I can't figure out what that means. Maybe you mean "nature" ignores it, or "humans" ignore it, but "human nature" is a more philosophical concept that I don't think makes sense in this context.

A bit more consistency in line length would also help the poem flow better, for instance some of your lines are just three short syllables "sits a girl" and some of them are quite long, ie "creating harmony between nature and humans." -> having a bit more consistency will also make the poem look cleaner on the page.

Let me know if you have any questions about my review, and please keep writing!

- alliyah


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25 Reviews

Points: 1553
Reviews: 25

Sat May 30, 2020 8:16 pm
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KahleneTenorio wrote a review...

Hi, this Kahlene! I saw this in the green room so I thought I'd give it a review.

The main reason why I wanted to do this was that the name caught my name, it is very interesting. Also, because I had nothing to do. Anyway to the review we go! This poem is very good! Though it can improve!

This poem did drag out a bit, I found myself getting bored. This may be just me but I had to reread a couple of times to understand what I was reading. I understand that this poem is short but it did not have a lot of context in it, what was the meaning of this poem? Also, about the formatting, I was getting a little confused. When you write you should reread to make sure there are no mistakes, you should also put yourself as the reader to see if they can understand what you are writing.

On a lighter note, this poem is very good! I love the way you used literary devices in this poem. This added some spice to it, one thing I absolutely love is some good use of words. Also, the way you ended the poem was very smooth and flowed nicely together. Again like I said, this was a good poem.

I hope you continue writing poems like this one, I enjoyed it! I hope you have a nice day!

Stellarjay says...

Thanks for the review! I'm still trying to figure out how to correctly format poems and such. so hopefully the next ones are better!

Oh, okay! I would love to read the next ones!

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40 Reviews

Points: 1520
Reviews: 40

Sat May 30, 2020 12:55 pm
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Shadeflame wrote a review...

Hi Stellarjay!
I'm Shadeflame, but you can call me Shade. I'm here to review your poem today.

I really liked your poem! It almost felt like I too, was under the wisteria bush. By the way, I just looked up what a wisteria tree looks like and WOW, is it beautiful! A few things that I noticed about the poem.

When you wrote "wysteria," I looked it up and I'm pretty sure it's spelled "wisteria."

Another thing I noticed

A Woodsy vine,

Is "woodsy" supposed to be capitalized? It doesn't really seem like it should be.

where human nature ignores

I was confused about this line. What does it mean?

That was all that I could find, so good job! In all, this was a very nice poem that really transported you under the wisteria tree and into nature! I hope you don't mind my corrections. They are just meant to be suggestions!

Keep writing!

Stellarjay says...

Thanks for the review! the line, "where human nature ignores." I wanted a line that described that humans ignored this place. But I also wanted a nice descriptor that wasn't just a statement if you know what I mean?

You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author