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3am

by Stellarjay


Awake at 3am

I find myself hugging a stuffy

as if to fend off some evil

keeping myself safe

in innocent bliss.

                                               

My mind keeps playing

tug of war

should I or should I not?

I know

but my mind won't 

do the right thing.

                                                                                            

I try to dream of 

flowers and rainbows

sunshine and butterflies.

                                                                                  

The pig tries to twist it

into demons and caves

pigs and vomit.

                                                                

Finally at 5 am

my mind is tired

slowly but surely

it begins to shut down

falling into a restless sleep

until the morning.


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63 Reviews


Points: 685
Reviews: 63

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Sun Nov 29, 2020 10:18 pm
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NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Hello @Stellarjay! Hope you're having a good morning/afternoon/evening wherever you’re at! I'll be popping in here for a quick little review.

Grows
Alrighty, let's goOoO!

As @Hkumar said below, in this stanza,

The pig tries to twist it

into demons and caves

pigs and vomit.
, using the word "pig" twice does make it seem a little bumpy so maybe try to replace it with another word.
Other than that... there's not really much I had for the Grows :P

Glows
and let's goOoO again!
Okay, so first off, the first stanza is... amazing to put frankly!
Awake at 3am (add a space here between 3 and am)

I find myself hugging a stuffy

as if to fend off some evil

keeping myself safe

in innocent bliss.
I love how you incorporated the stuffy into this stanza which is so relatable for me! And in the third stanza the way you describe the person trying to take their mind off the bad stuff, distracting themselves from the stress and anxiety by thinking of pleasant things but it just doesn't work. Overall, really loved reading this poem! Keep it up and keep writing!
:D
~Your friendly neighborhood Majesty of Nastiness~




Stellarjay says...


thanks for the review!



NastyMajesty says...


you're welcome! (:



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154 Reviews


Points: 7548
Reviews: 154

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Sun Nov 29, 2020 8:12 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Stellar!

I couldn't resist myself from dropping a review for this work because I could see myself stuck in this very same situation. I guess 3am is the time for the over-thinkers like me where all sorts of confusing thoughts keep my brain awake and a sense of panic runs down my spine. Coming back to your poem, the simple structure and easy to read flow makes it very soothing. Right from the first stanza itself the vulnerability of the narrator's mind is shown which gives a clear picture of how I see myself in this same situation.

My mind keeps playing
tug of war
should I or should I not?

The dilemma in the mind could be simply about whether to go to sleep or not, or maybe it could be something more complex, perhaps the mind is getting driven by negative thoughts and this resistance is against taking any wrong steps that could bring ill consequences and regret for the narrator.

I liked how you showed this person is trying to bring positive and happy thoughts to divert his mind. But these attempts go futile as the negativity is trying to make its way back in his thoughts and makes the condition more miserable. I think you should avoid the use of pig twice in the same stanza. Maybe try replacing the first with something like 'devil' or anything that suits the mood of the poem. Otherwise I really liked the connection between these two stanzas. If you wish you could also add some more imagery here to depict more severity caused by the fear from these horrid thoughts.

The final stanza sums up what actually happens when our mind finally gets tired of running in this maze of wild thoughts and breaks down to sleep. Overall I really loved your writing. It was simple yet effective in grabbing reader's attention. Thanks for sharing this piece!

Great work!
Keep writing :D




Stellarjay says...


Thanks for the review!




History repeats itself. First as tragedy, second as farce.
— Karl Marx