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Then, Now and Forever

by Sree


Then...

You're in my prayers

for not you to be as my dream alone.

~

Now...

You're in my prayers

for not you to be as my nightmare. Leave me alone.

~

Forever...

You're in my prayers.

for not you to be alone.

~

They're answered.

~

Then, you're my dreamy guy.

Now, you're my nightmare.

Forever, you're my poetry.

~~~


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Fri Aug 30, 2019 11:07 pm
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cdd123 says...



Nice poem!

Although I'm a little confused on your message, which sometimes interrupts the flow. Other than that I really like the emotions shown.

Sorry about the comment below, there was some technical error.




Sree says...


Glad you like it. This needs some editing. And About the comment below, don't worry 'bout it



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Fri Aug 30, 2019 11:05 pm
cdd123 says...






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Sun Aug 25, 2019 12:55 am
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Anma wrote a review...



Hello!
WOW
THATS ALL I CAN SAY IS WOW

Its amazing!

There is a lot of emotion from this, and its so relatable to peoples feelings. Its pretty simple, and i didn't really have many troubles with reading it. (It is a bit confusing though) I dont see any mistakes at all in the way you wrote it. Its a great read specially for me cause i can see how it fits in to real life relationships, and thoughts of it.

I really enjoyed reaading this

I hope to see more

Sincerly
Anma




Sree says...


Thank you very much for your encouraging words.
Glad you liked it. This piece needs editing for better. Will work on it. :)



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Sat Aug 17, 2019 3:09 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello my dear friend! FlaminPhoenix here with a review for you like you asked on this lovely night.
Okay let's get started.
So I think what @alliyah and @Anamel have said has pointed out some and more of what I saw in the poem that can be addressed. So I wont bore you with more of that stuff.
I will say that you have put a lot of emotions into this poem, and that is a very good things when is comes to poem about loved ones, or in your case a guy that has hurt you, the emotion you put into the poem really gets to the reader, and I think you have done an amazing job with that!
The title for this work fits it really well, when you asked me to read this poem and gave me the link, when I saw the title, I wasn't really sure what it was about, so that just peeked my interests even more, and it goes really when with what you have got here.

I really did enjoy this poem, it could do with some work, but it still was really good, and I enjoyed it anyway. I'm really happy you asked me to come and read your work, it made me really happy. I hope you will post again soon, and if you need any help I'm always here. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!




Sree says...


Ah, thank you for your encouraging words Flame <3
Sure I'll do the editing :)





Glad I could help! ;)



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Sat Aug 17, 2019 12:10 pm
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Anamel wrote a review...



This poem is a bit confusing, I can see that it has a good premise but I think it can be even better if built upon more. I wonder what you mean by then in the first sentence since in the others you begin it with now and forever, is that in the past or referencing a certain period of time and if so what? I think it means at first the person being described was a dream, but then turns bad and becomes a nightmare, then the narrator feels bad for them but still thinks of them as a nightmare. I also wonder what it means that the narrator's prayers are answered. With a bit more detail I think the reader can feel more about this situation and be able to relate more.




Sree says...


Thanks for your review. Will work on that :)



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Sat Aug 17, 2019 4:57 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



This poem addresses a lot of thoughts about the subject, but doesn't really delve deeper into any of the labels of love/dream/nightmare/poetry - I think the poem would be stronger if any of these labels were explored in more detail. I think the poem could also use additional specificity because as a reader I really don't get a sense of who this subject is, or even really why the narrator is feeling any of these things for them. What makes them a nightmare? What makes them a dream or poetry? Delving a little more into the details, painting out the imagery, and providing the emotional foundation will make the poem connect more with readers and create a more memorable reading experience.

I think you could benefit from taking a look at this article I wrote on Specificity in Poetry for some ideas on adding specificity to your work.

Good luck in editing!

~alliyah




Sree says...


I get it now. Thanks for the advice, Alliyah. I'll check out the link right away




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