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Hello

by Wordzyy


'Hello' was the first word from him.

Our friendship bore on a whim.

The daily hello drew us close.

In his mere absence, the time slows.

Days passed with joy in his arms.

I was young each day because of his charms.

He was not the one who could read my mind,

but could feel my heartbeat, he's one of a kind.

His unconditional love had made me bow,

for he is a man who keeps his vow.

Lucky me! I met this incredible guy,

who gives me contentment one could never buy.

I never knew that day, it was that 'hello',

made me fall for this lovely fellow. 


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Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:25 pm
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anu wrote a review...



Woah!! Never knew a ‘ hello’ could do so much. Hope I also find such a guy. 😂
Returning to the main point, I really liked your poem because:
1) The rhymes are awesome. Him- whim, close- slows , etc. all rhyme so well. There couldn’t have been better words. Lovely.
2) The emotions are so strongly expressed that the readd is deeply moved and can actually feel them growing in her heart. The love is so touching.
3) Everything in this poem looks surreal and yet is the opposite. A dream come true to find such a guy. It is unprecedented. Something that is not so expected.

The daily hello drew us close.
In his mere absence, the time slows.

This is so exciting. The second line is so relatable. That’s how even I feel, it seems like days pass as fast as bullet train when I’m with my close friend and vice versa.

Amazing poem! No nitpicks!!🤩




Wordzyy says...


I'm so glad that you liked this one.
Thanks manyyyy for taking your time for reading and reviewing it. Means a lot. Was very much encouraging <3
I appreciate it.



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Wed Jan 16, 2019 11:45 pm
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James565611 wrote a review...



This is lovely and great too. How did you come up with something like this? Great people always do great things. Nice one my friend.

Three things that have stuck me to this poem, and has made me read it over and over again, is the simpleness of the poem, the poem is short and how the ryhmes flow. Great job my friend. This poem reminds me so much of a friend that I once held so dear to my heart. Thanks
Never stop writing......




Wordzyy says...


AWW. Thank you very much for your encouraging words, my friend. I am glad that you liked it :) Thanks again for taking your time to read it <3
Sure, Keep writing you too!



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Wed Jan 16, 2019 11:26 am
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ABC123 wrote a review...



Sree.
Wow, this is an amazing poem. It really flows and the whole concept is lovely. I think that this poem epitomises the kind of partner/ spouse that we all want to find.
Just one small thing, I don't think that this sentence - "who gives me contentment, one could never buy," could maybe be changed slightly to "who gives me contentment one could never buy." I just think that the comma here doesn't really serve a purpose.
But that's all, I have nothing else to add!
ABC123




Wordzyy says...


Thank you very much for your review :D

Sure, I will fix the error.



Wordzyy says...


Fixed it, Thanks! :)



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Wed Jan 16, 2019 5:49 am
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Fantascifi66 says...



is it me you're looking for?




Wordzyy says...


I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile...

:D



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Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:29 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi, your friend Shikora here with a review for you.

Okay let's get to it.

I really liked reading this poem, it was really interesting to read, because it's really true in a funny way, and the emotion you put into your poem, it maid it a lot more enjoyable to read. So well done.
You also put all of your punctuation in the right place, by doing that you made it a smooth read, and a really nice flow.
I really liked the name you chose for this poem, it tells us everything about it, and dew me in when I saw it.
I really wish you had made your poem a little longer, but that's because I wanted to keep reading.
I didn't see anything wrong with your poem, so I felt like giving you a nice encouraging review. I really liked reading and reviewing your poem, and I hope to see more soon on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




Wordzyy says...


Thanks for your review! :D Glad that you enjoyed the read. Will tag in the next one!





Your welcome. :D



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Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:36 pm
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lukekazey wrote a review...



Hey, Luke here for a review! Thanks for the follow, by the way.

So, this was a nice enough poem. There were pretty words, and they were arranged into pretty sentiments. That is, after all, the basics of poetry, and you definitely managed to put across your meaning here, so well done. However, I feel there’s a lot more that could be done to really push your poem to new heights.

I’d like to say well done for attempting a rhyme structure. It can be a difficult thing to do, but for the most part, you made it work. But I also feel that’s the issue- you MADE it work. Some rhyme feels unnatural here, as if you’ve built the line around the rhyme rather than fit the rhyme into the line. I always say, be sure to read your poem aloud to see where it seems forced, and just tweak around those points.

My second point is to not sacrifice flow for word-efficiency. It can be great to include super descriptive words to really enhance your poem, but sometimes, two or three words would conve y the same meaning and actually fit better with the total tone and structure. This works the other way around as well; one word can fit better than two or three. So, again, just read aloud and make changes where the poem feels like it’s interrupted.

On the whole though, a fairly decent poem. Congrats.

Keep writing,
Luke




Wordzyy says...


Thank you so much for your review. :D I will do as suggested,Again thanks for your wonderful suggestions



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Mon Jan 14, 2019 6:22 pm
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Liberty says...



Aww, this is so nice!




Wordzyy says...


Thank you so much! :)



Liberty says...


Your welcome! :)



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Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:52 pm
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Swetachowdhury0 says...



Hii, it's really touching and amazing too... I know you super well so I know and understand what you wanted to say sree... You are amazing my sister.. God bless you...love u dear




Wordzyy says...


Thank you very much, Paaaally! :D



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Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:12 pm
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Mon Jan 14, 2019 3:33 pm
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Swetachowdhury0 says...



Hii, it's really touching and amazing too... I know you super well so I know and understand what you wanted to say sree... You are amazing my sister.. God bless you...love u dear





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