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The Chronicles of Tharizdun's Betrayal- Preface

by SoullessGinger

This world is a wonderfully complex, intriguing, and mystical place- mostly because I'm in it. 

I mean, without me, most of the cities in Faerun would be run-down, loveless, dark, empty, boring collections of buildings inhabited by listless people just longing for some excitement. Without me, we wouldn't have a story to tell today, now would we? While it pains me to say so, I am not the centerpiece of this epic saga- however, I was instrumental (as always) in pulling the strings of our heroes' hearts and minds until they began down the path of destiny. 

I am simply a humble narrator for the time being, here to impart this glorious tale of bravery and wisdom upon all of you lucky readers with my endless charm and remarkable intellect. This is the story of some dear friends of mine, on a journey to discover themselves and their place in this world, all the while attempting to stop the wicked machinations of a misguided cult and their mystery-shrouded god. 

Let's start with some introductions, shall we? And not to worry, I won't reveal too much- I have a penchant for secrets myself you see... I can't give all of these away so soon, else we wouldn't have much of a tale. 

We shall begin with Karne. He is rather intriguing and coming from me, that's quite the compliment. He's devious, with a tongue as venomous as a viper's bite, and an ego that would be a reasonable size for a titan of old. He's not the blustering arrogant type, though. He prefers the sort of soul-crushing quips that chip away at one's self-confidence until you find yourself sniveling on the floor of your own gambling parlor, wishing you'd never left the warm confines of your mother's arms. Not that the arms of my mother were ever particularly warm. They were rather cold and clammy and enjoyed throwing me across the room til even the goddess Lolth cringed. So not exactly the sort of person you would expect to find as our gallant hero. 

Next, we can address Pan. They are the sort of horridly amusing chaos-bringer that transcends any sort of social normalities. If he had to pick a gender, I'm fairly certain they'd choose to be an ominously grinning skull staring out of a grimy jar filled with suspiciously crimson liquid. As far as his personality goes, I would liken them to a child, in the most demented and demonic way possible. Every interaction with him leaves you feeling slightly concerned for their sanity and filled with the horrible sense that he chewed up your soul and spit it back into your body. Again, not the knight in shining armor that children enjoy being read to about. 

The last member of this merry band that I will introduce at this time is Arillo. In stark contrast to the other two, Arillo is a rather stoic, decent fellow. He doesn't speak, which I have come to assume is the consequence of some heinous curse. On the other hand, his sword, Rellwin, is a boisterous, lecherous bastard with an appetite for well-honed blades and the polished handles of a certain pair of handaxes on my tavern wall. I look forward to the day that he can return to his humanoid form and join me for a drink and a jest. 

Well, that is all I care to share with you today, dear readers. I have my fair share of troublemaking and extremely interesting and suave activities to get done, as I'm sure you have as well. Farewell! Remember to engage in your prescribed allotment of nefarious deeds before the sun rises! 


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58 Reviews

Points: 332
Reviews: 58

Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:54 pm
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BEASTtheHUN says...

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats not even doing it justice!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

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263 Reviews

Points: 17512
Reviews: 263

Sat Jun 19, 2021 5:01 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...

Oh. My. God.

What is this? 0.o


This world is a wonderfully complex, intriguing, and mystical place- mostly because I'm in it.

This is the BEST hook I've seen in ages. It's awesome! Made me wanna read it right away.

until they began down the path of destiny.

Ehh. Destiny is kinda predestined, no? So maybe you could say "glory" or something like that. :)

Let's start with some introductions, shall we? And not to worry, I won't reveal too much- I have a penchant for secrets myself you see... I can't give all of these away so soon, else we wouldn't have much of a tale.

Most writers have trouble not infodumping after a passage like this, but you've managed to come through pretty well; I wasn't particularly bored. However, I do have mixed feelings about how you didn't go by the "show, don't tell" technique of writing. If the story proper manages to pull off character development and plot progression without falling back on this, I will commend you.

One last thing: the title is a bit of a mouthful. This won't be too much of problem, but it isn't particularly catchy as a result; maybe you can take a look at it again.

That's really all I have to say! Your grammar, spelling, and other basics have nothing bad to be said about them, and lots of good! You show quite a bit of talent, and I think I'll start following this story if you choose to continue it.

Keep up the great work, and have a swell day!

~ Lee

Thanks so much for the review! And that is indeed the goal, as far as plot and character development goes. And yes%u2026 the title is not exactly aesthetic to read. I%u2019ll definitely do some brainstorming with that. And I%u2019m glad you enjoyed it! I%u2019d be happy to tag you in the next part if you%u2019d like.

LittleLee says...

I'd like that!

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206 Reviews

Points: 392
Reviews: 206

Sat Jun 19, 2021 12:33 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...

Hey, saw this in the green room and noticed the narrator sounded similar to one of mine own so I was intrigued as to how you've got about it!

First off, I'm interest whether the narrator will also be a character in the story or they are simply the scribe of such a tale.

I'm not usually a fan of characters bio's being shoved into the beginning of a story - I think it takes away from the fun of learning about the characters in real time as the reader reads their stories. But here, with the narrator's specific take and knowing that they have kept things back for intrigue, this could work. Although this is the opening so I'll have a better judgement as the story unfolds.

I've never read a character with he/they pronouns and I got a little confused at first and then figured it out. I think this will be fine but I think when there are multiple people in a scene, the switch between both pronouns could get a little jumbled. But, again, I shall see as I continue to read.

I would really love to keep reading and see how everything plays out. Could you please let me know when the next part is up?

Hope this was helpful :D

Thanks for the review! And yes, I was a little concerned with the flow of he/they pronouns, so my plan is to try and use them both equally, but use the he for more group situations and the they when there%u2019s opportunity for individual action. And for sure! I%u2019ll tag you on my wall when I get the first chapter up!!

All we can do is our best, and hope that it was enough.
— CandyWizard