Prologue: The closed window (working title) (updated a little)
Dan stood in the open, window his heart racing, wondering if he would survive the night. Many dreadful, things were pounding in his head, as he left the window his reflection caught his eye, how he hated his looks, startlingly blue eyes, white blond hair and his pale skin, an albino. As he walked away from the mirror, he realized that he was no longer alone.
" Daniel, that was your last chance to be a z-file, you know the consequence of not obeying a direct order, don't you?," Michal's high pitched voice was propelled around the stone room, making it sound like there was 100 people in the room.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...well here we have another prologue on the much smaller side of things here, although I do have to say for this one, it is not one of those prologues where it manages to be effective in a smaller size, in fact it seems this one has a proper abrupt cut off there with no real planned ending in sight. It certainly is an interesting choice.
The starting paragraph is done nicely, especially when it comes to getting our attention as readers. I think you've done quite well there in terms of that particular situation. It seems like an unusual description for someone to have and the way that people seem to be reacting to it suggests there is something about it that is perhaps not being revealed just yet. And then of course that last beat here which suggests this person seems to almost be running away from something, something that seems to perhaps be the cause for all of this change really nails home the intrigue here. The only issue is that it just ends there without really going into any more of the details here and that makes this a much weaker prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
thanks for the help on grammar
Most grammar mistakes here could be easily spotted by the spell check on microsoft word. It's my saviour for when I'm lazy and can't be bothered checking though it myself.
You could always ask a teacher for extra classes/books to help or your parents.
thanks again for the help but i'm going to blame it all on my English classes because we never get to work on grammar.
There's not much to work on, but that can be expected as it's just a prologue. But still, it's pretty short.
Sorry, but again the grammer is really bad, for example capital letters at the beginning of sentences and where to put commas and all that stuff. I don't really want to get too bogged down in all that stuf for now, but just as a tip, work on it for next time.
RR*
hi guys (and gals) just to say thanks for reading my very short prologue and i know i need to work on my grammar