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please God

by Snoink


please God
don't abandon me!
not when i need you most.
i'm hurting badly
and i want to cry
but i can't
not now

por favor Díos
mi alma está cansada
y no puedo hacer
sin tu ayuda


it is as if
the heat stifles
my tears and
leaves me bare

tengo sueño
y yo necessito
tu comodidad
y tu voz apacible


and it's all i can do
to lie down
on my bed
and worry
about things far
in the future

quiero tu mano
en mi espalda,
quiero el calor
de tu respiración
en mi cuello


and i know i've been bad
and i am ashamed
i want to run away
and bury myself in Your arms

tengo miedo,
tengo mucho miedo.
y te llamo ahora.
por favor Díos,
me ahorras.


please God,
don't abandon me...


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Tue Dec 13, 2016 6:04 pm
jordynlp03 wrote a review...



I really enjoyed reading this poem. It captured the ways that many people including myself feel almost daily. People and words can hurt but we just have to remember that everything will be okay. I understand how you were probably feeling when you wrote this. God will never abandon you. I can promise you thi, God loves you, he cares for you, and everything is for a purpose. A lot of things are hard to be sure of in the world but this is something that will never change or fail us. We have God here for us. Don't ever forget that because He's always on our side even when it is hard to see and remember. Nothing is too big for Him to handle be cause He is THE LORD OF LORDS and THE KING OF ALL KINGS! I'm always here for you to talk to btw. Anyway, great poem and beautifully formatted. Keep on writing! :)




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Mon Oct 03, 2005 6:37 am
Snoink says...



Oh no... they're two different parts. The Spanish is very simple and is pleading for help in a childlike manner and the English is being wishy-washy about it, looking over my feelings and stuff. Which is why I like the differences. But I don't like anything else about it.

And now I find this poem embarrassing. Ugh...

Don't look at this as an example of my work! I can do better!




Panda11 says...


I loved this poem! I can relate to it in many, many ways. There are several things happening in my life right now that are very, very hard to deal with, but all I can do is cling to God. He will never leave us nor forsake us <3



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Sun Oct 02, 2005 7:44 pm
sabradan says...



My only critique is that the spanish really doesn't translate what you are saying in the English. I hope that you weren't trying to translate with la espanol, porque no es mas bueno. Sorry. But it is a nice idea/touch, though.




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Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:40 am
Sohini wrote a review...



remember me!!?? you liked my name! :lol:
about youp poem i agree with timjim77 and i dont understand Spanish. :? :? i didn't get the entire theme of the poem, but that's my problem. u can't expect a half cat half human(that's me!!) to get philosophy. :wink:




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Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:19 pm
timjim77 says...



Spanish adds a nice flavor, but the English lacks depth.




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Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:42 am
Snoink says...



Absolutely right, Incan.

Now, one of the worst traps a writer can fall into is being too emotional while writing something. Even poetry, which is very emotional by itself, shouldn't be written when someone is so upset that she cannot think. This lends itself to be very... er... true, but also tends to be much overblown.

When you edit something, you try to make it convey the feeling without overblowing it to such a degree that it becomes corny. Which, me being a terrible writer at 1 am, couldn't seem to do yesterday. XD

There's one thing I do like about the poem, and that would be the Spanish/English contrast of what is being said and how it is being said. Other than that...

Let's edit!




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Sun Sep 04, 2005 2:32 am
Sam says...



Oy, that's helpful. :P

With Incandescence's reply in mind, I read it again and have to agree

'and it's all i can do
to lie down
on my bed
and worry
about things far
in the future'

Is a bit overdone. You repeat the same idea in the stanza above it. If you got rid of that one it'd be a bit shorter and a lot less repetitive.




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Sun Sep 04, 2005 2:24 am
Incandescence says...



Overdone.




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Sun Sep 04, 2005 2:08 am
Sam wrote a review...



The integrated spanish is pretty cool. If you don't understand it though, it's just something more to ignore, which you don't want. Take the line that is the most powerful from each verse and repeat it at the end in Spanish- it'll be a lot smoother. Especially for people who aren't bilingual. :P




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Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:13 pm
Fool wrote a review...



The spanish adds a nice touch. But first to the english words, interesting, full of feeling, it, flows nicely around the spanish, but theres one line

but i can't myself


You have to read it twice to understand it, its just i dont know what you can't do.

The Spanish, translated i doubt it holds the same effect as reading it as a spanish speaker, but its a good outlet type of thing, hard to explain, but it fits, it goes, the third spanish verse sounds a little corny though. I like it, in all.[/code]





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