Young Writers Society

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It captured the ways that many people including myself feel almost daily. People and words can hurt but we just have to remember that everything will be okay. I understand how you were probably feeling when you wrote this. God will never abandon you. I can promise you thi, God loves you, he cares for you, and everything is for a purpose. A lot of things are hard to be sure of in the world but this is something that will never change or fail us. We have God here for us. Don't ever forget that because He's always on our side even when it is hard to see and remember. Nothing is too big for Him to handle be cause He is THE LORD OF LORDS and THE KING OF ALL KINGS! I'm always here for you to talk to btw. Anyway, great poem and beautifully formatted. Keep on writing!

Oh no... they're two different parts. The Spanish is very simple and is pleading for help in a childlike manner and the English is being wishy-washy about it, looking over my feelings and stuff. Which is why I like the differences. But I don't like anything else about it.

And now I find this poem embarrassing. Ugh...

Don't look at this as an example of my work! I can do better!

My only critique is that the spanish really doesn't translate what you are saying in the English. I hope that you weren't trying to translate with la espanol, porque no es mas bueno. Sorry. But it is a nice idea/touch, though.

remember me!!?? you liked my name!
about youp poem i agree with timjim77 and i dont understand Spanish. i didn't get the entire theme of the poem, but that's my problem. u can't expect a half cat half human(that's me!!) to get philosophy.

Spanish adds a nice flavor, but the English lacks depth.

Absolutely right, Incan.

Now, one of the worst traps a writer can fall into is being too emotional while writing something. Even poetry, which is very emotional by itself, shouldn't be written when someone is so upset that she cannot think. This lends itself to be very... er... true, but also tends to be much overblown.

When you edit something, you try to make it convey the feeling without overblowing it to such a degree that it becomes corny. Which, me being a terrible writer at 1 am, couldn't seem to do yesterday. XD

There's one thing I do like about the poem, and that would be the Spanish/English contrast of what is being said and how it is being said. Other than that...

Let's edit!

Oy, that's helpful.

With Incandescence's reply in mind, I read it again and have to agree

'and it's all i can do
to lie down
on my bed
and worry
about things far
in the future'

Is a bit overdone. You repeat the same idea in the stanza above it. If you got rid of that one it'd be a bit shorter and a lot less repetitive.

Overdone.

The integrated spanish is pretty cool. If you don't understand it though, it's just something more to ignore, which you don't want. Take the line that is the most powerful from each verse and repeat it at the end in Spanish- it'll be a lot smoother. Especially for people who aren't bilingual.

The spanish adds a nice touch. But first to the english words, interesting, full of feeling, it, flows nicely around the spanish, but theres one line

but i can't myself