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Recollections of a Rose

by Snoink


I was actually a very creative kid when I was little. I would run around my backyard with my dolls or little toy pigs and then play in the gardens we had there. Our backyard wasn’t that big, but it was huge for me at the time. We had a small orchard that gave us nectarines, apricots, plums, peaches, cherries, apples, almonds, oranges, and grapefruit. Not a lot, mind you, but for a little kid, it was fantastic.

My tree was the peach tree, since the peaches were usually ripe in early June, which is near my birthday. The peaches weren’t big, but they fit my hand snugly at the time. I would eat them whenever I could, sticky juices running down my arms and onto my shirt. It was paradise.

But our garden wasn’t just fruit trees. There were wild patches of dirt that were nearly always covered in grass, either green in the spring or golden anytime else. We had planted other things, such as tomatoes and roses, but they would eventually be choked by the grass.

I never knew a time where we didn’t have roses. They too, like everything, were covered in grass, but they were special to me, and I would spend extra time tending them, picking off the aphids, and just trimming them so that more roses would bloom. I always did like roses, after all, I am the namesake of my Grandma Rose.

Whenever Grandma Rose came over, I would try to talk to her at least once, one on one. And she would sit back and, with a dreamy look in her eyes, and she would tell me the first time she met me. She was in the hospital, after my brother and I were born, and she was searching for me. Then, when she was looking at some of the other babies, she noticed a particularly pretty one. She asked a nurse who was that baby, and then the nurse gave her my name. My name, which, in a way, was her name.

I always loved that story, and because we shared names, I thought some pretty weird things when I was a kid. One of the strangest of these thoughts was that, because my name was Rose, I would be able to touch thorns… without getting hurt!

This, I learned, was absolutely false. I frequently got scratches on my arms, little tiny droplets of blood accompanying it. Yet, I would never stop attending the roses, because they were special. When I was away once, I remember my dad mailing me and mentioning in his letter that the roses were blooming better than ever.

I used to collect the little rose petals, drying them out and trying to preserve the sweet smell. Then I would gather them in a little bag and keep them with me, in a little treasure box. I always did like rose potpourri, because even when the rose wilted away, the smell would remain for much longer.

And I like roses.


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Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:47 pm
makar7 wrote a review...



Wow, you've really written a beautifully composed essay. The organizations is wonderful, one thought leads onto another. To me, it seems like you wrote this in stream of consciousness, which is a great style for a recollection essay. You've used a great variety of sentences. Some are very short and some are very long; It makes the essay flow very well. Great transitions as well.

This essay has a great voice. The overall tone is very professional, yet has those moments where I feel like a little child is talking to me. Here's one example of those moments: "One of the strangest of these thoughts was that, because my name was Rose, I would be able to touch thorns… without getting hurt!" You've really let your inner child run loose in this essay, its great.

There's only a few places that you can improve:

since the peaches were usually ripe in early June, which is near my birthday.

I think that the last part of the statement (Separated by a comma) should be separated by a hyphen instead. It just seems too unrelated to be separated by a comma, if that makes any sense. "...since the peaches were usually ripe in early June - which is near my birthday." would look a lot better.

There were wild patches of dirt that were nearly always covered in grass, either green in the spring or golden anytime else.

The last part of the sentence would look better if it was separated by a hyphen, a semi-colon, or just separated completely in another sentence. Also, "nearly always" sounds a bit strange... perhaps you could just use another phrase in its place.

I would try to talk to her at least once, one on one. And she would sit back and, with a dreamy look in her eyes, and she would tell me the first time she met me.

You repeat "and" in this statement, both before and after the phrase in commas. It would make the most sense to remove the first "and" I also feel like there should be a word between the "tell me" and the "first time she met me", maybe use "about" to fill in the gap.

She was in the hospital, after my brother and I were born, and she was searching for me.

-The "and" is totally unnecessary here, just omit it. The structure of this sentence is a tad awkward. Try, "After my brother and I were born, she was in the hospital, searching for me."

My name, which, in a way, was her name."

This sentence is very redundant. Try not to repeat the word "name". "My name, which, in a way, was her's" doesn't look repetitive at all.

I always loved that story, and because we shared names, I thought some pretty weird things when I was a kid.

I don't believe the first comma is necessary here.

You ended the essay with a wonderful closing statement. Its simple and too the point, yet reflects the entire meaning of the essay. You did a wonderful job overall. Great work! Also, thanks for your review on my essay. I'm going to take those tips into consideration and post a re-written version here.

You're a fantastic writer, keep it up!
~Makar7




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Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:42 pm
Elizabeth wrote a review...



You like me, you really really like me :P.

Wow... this was lovely... too bad my childhood's happiest memories involved sleeping and talking to myself for hours and hours at end with nobody else around... Stale I know...

Stale... what the....




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Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:36 pm
Fishr wrote a review...



Strangely enough, I was waiting for this to be written. I've been watching your blog and I had a faint idea a story like this would be posted. Funny, we definitely do not share the same writing style, but we seem to think the same in this scenario.

Without a doubt, the story was written well. I disagree with the others though. I like the ending. The "And" made the story have two messages for me. One, it meant you enjoy the flower itself but by placing the 'And' it signified to me that you also are fond of your Grandmother because she shares the same name as you. So, those four words have more of a meaning and gives a balance to the story itself; it just sums up the purpose and point of it.

If you changed it to, "I like roses," I don't think it would have the same effect. At least not to me. Funny how one extra word will strengthen a story. :)




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Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:59 am
Shriek wrote a review...



I agree with Hekategirl on her suggestion with the ending.
Other than that, I have no critiques, only praise. I liked this very much. I found it short and sweet and meaningful.
It reminded me of my late Grandfather. My middle name is Rose, and he always tended to his flowers with the dilegence that you gave to yours.

Top notch writing, Snoink.




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Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:47 am
hekategirl wrote a review...



This is awesome Snoink, one word for it: Beautiful. It is so hard to write an autobiography (Which is what this is right?) I've tried, but you've pulled it off very well.

At the beginning you repeated "at the time" alto which I didn't like. And the ending was nice but I think it should be "I like roses" instead of "And I like roses". Otherwise it was fantastic. I hope you write more!





I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway.
— Vogon Captain (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)