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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Guardian Angel, Chapter 3

by SilloriaD


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

What the hell happened?!

Sitting on my bed, with Heather's concerned voice rattling on in my ear, I couldn't believe what I remembered. It wasn't possible. It had to have been all in my head. I tried to remember everything, searching my mind for something- anything - to give me a sign of what had happened. I went back over everything I had done since I had awoken this morning, and then I did it backwards, and then forwards again. All this time, one thing remained unknown. I could not remember what this man sounded like, or what he looked like. I could remember his words, and I could remember that maddening chuckle of his. But that was it.

Then I saw the paper appear at the end of my bed. No, I don't mean to say it was there and I didn't notice it until then. I mean that one moment nothing was there, and the next a blank paper came into existence three inches above the bed and fell the rest of the way down. "Hello?! Earth to Adrianne?!" Heather sounded off in my ear. I groaned, the awful feeling that had begun to grow inside me swelling to an enormous an enormous size. The tell-tale beep in my ear meant my friend had given up on talking for now. I stared at the paper, and a shaky hand reached out to grab it. Though it had appeared to be blank a moment before, it certainly was not now. Silver ink formed signs and covered the page. Before reading the note itself, I looked at the handwriting. This might sound kind of weird, I admit, but I saw this note as a clue to who that stranger was, and what the hell was going on. As I hoped, it was likely the handwriting of a man. So, it could very well be a note from him. But why on Earth would this person be writing me a note, and how did it appear? These were the real questions.

The words themselves didn't make any sense- a jumble of obscure symbols in no particular order. It didn't look like a code, but what else could it be? My head had begun to pound. Something told me that I had seen these symbols before, but when I tried to remember, all I got was a pounding headache. When I stopped focusing on the words, the pain receded quickly, and returned just as quickly when I began to concentrate again. This game went on for maybe ten minutes before I gave up and shoved the paper under a pillow. I'd look at it later. I checked my pocket for my room key, and upon finding it there, I left my room again. Shivering from the unusual cold in the hallway, I walked to the elevator, constantly checking behind me. I could swear I heard footsteps, but no one was there. Heh. I was probably just paranoid. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I quickly pulled it out of my pocket. Head to the hotel lobby, I'll be waiting for you. Thank goodness. It was just Julian. My dad must have not have noticed I came back, kind of like me, except... not. I sighed, a wave of relief crashing over me. I finally reached the elevator, pressed the down button, and waited. It was silent in the hotel. Normally, if it was this silent in a hallway, I would be able to hear what was going on inside the rooms, but I heard... nothing. It was a very eerie feeling, and the sensation of being watched did not disappear.

Thump! I whirled around and saw a man on the ground, a hat beside him on the floor. I assumed he tripped. I stared at him for a second. He had fallen onto his side somehow, and his face was looking away from me, so all I could see was the back of his head. His hair was normal enough, extremely light brown and a mess like it hadn't been washed in several days. But what freaked me out the most was this guy's skin- or should I say scales? The back of his neck looked scaly with an odd pattern on it, much like a snake. I was paralyzed as the man staggered to his feet. He wore a black long sleeve shirt, black gloves, black pants- every inch of him you could possibly cover with clothes, it was covered in black. Everything, that is, except his face. His face was only partially covered, with a black cloth covering from where his nose should be down. He turned to look at me, and I caught only a glimpse of his icy blue eyes before he picked up his hat and ran back the direction he had come... the same way I had. No longer frozen with fear and shock, I went to follow after him, but then I heard a soft ding behind me, and I stopped for a moment, debating. If I kept going, I could probably catch up to the man, but that was a big "probably", and I didn't know how far the man was going. Julian was still down in the lobby, he didn't know I was back yet, and he would start worrying if I wasn't there soon. There wasn't really a choice to be made here.

An older woman was also in the elevator, so I assumed she had gotten on from one of the upper floors. She never actually said anything to me, but she mildly freaked me out since she didn't seem to move or even breathe. It was a long, quiet period of time between the third floor and the first. The moment the doors opened at the end, I quickly stepped out. Seeing Julian waiting impatiently, I didn't bother to check behind me to see if she left the elevator. I just walked as fast as I could towards my dad, trying to stop thinking about the man from earlier. Who was he? No, not even who. That's not what I was asking myself. What was he? Last time I checked, scales were not normal for a human being. And he had seemed almost scared after I saw him... if he had been planning to do something, that was his chance if he would ever have one. The fact that he just got up and ran like that... Something made me wonder if that should be more concerning than anything else.

"There's my champ!" Julian ruffled my hair; I just rolled my eyes at him. "You never told me you were back, Adrianne. What's up?" As we walked out of the building and towards our car, Julian asked me this one question, and it didn't take me long to decide what to say. This time, just this once, I should tell someone what was going on. Just this one time, I would tell the truth where it was needed.

"I went to a park, and I almost ran into some guy, and I twisted my ankle, but he didn't do anything to help-"

"Hang on, your ankle isn't twisted right now-" Julian interrupted and I sighed frustratedly.

"Just listen! This guy, he acted like he had met me sometime before, except I know that we have never met before, but anyway, he kept talking about "the next time around", whatever that means. And-"

"Now that's enough! I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense." Julian looked very tense and uncomfortable in the car next to me. "Now I don't know what's gotten into you, but you've never lied to me before. I don't know why you would start now."

"But Julian-" I started, but the look I received was icy at best. I sighed in defeat. So this is what explaining the truth got me. I would know better from now on. I couldn't put my trust in anyone- not even my own dad.


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62 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2015 11:00 pm
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IncohesiveScribbles wrote a review...



Hello SilloriaD,

This is a great story! I'll have to admit I haven't read any other chapters in this story but now I have to. I have to know who this lizard man is and what happened in the park. The only criticism I have is the ending where she is talking to Julian, it just seems awkward, maybe that's just me.

There are some character details that I feel I'm missing only because I haven't read the other chapters in your story, but is Julian her dad or not? And if so why does she address her dad by his first name?

Overall though this is a great story and I can't wait to read more of it! I can tell you are a talented writer. And as always, keep writing.

-Incohesive Scribbles




SilloriaD says...


Thank you! I'll be eagerly awaiting your thoughts on the other chapters, and I do hope you'll take the time to review them.



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214 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2015 10:51 pm
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artybirdy wrote a review...



I loved your description of the mystery man. You took your time to introduce his character and that interested me.

However, the first thing I noticed were the chunky paragraphs. This might put off your readers as they are difficult to read. Hence, I'd suggest you to break them down in order for us to read your story easily.

Julian's reaction as "tense and uncomfortable" and the way he abruptly ends the conversation hints that, perhaps, he knows the truth. Good job at foreshadowing that.

In the starting paragraphs, I felt that you rambled on a lot. You repeated few thoughts, only wording it differently. Try to remain concise, yet put across your thoughts clearly.

Moreover, I noticed a lot of mechanical (spellings, punctuation, and grammar) errors or mistakes. I'd suggest you to edit or read over your work frequently to pick them out, so they don't distract your reader from their reading experience.

Overall, great effort! I can see so much potential in this. If I was your reader, I'd definitely be eager for more.

Well done, and keep it up!




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Sun May 31, 2015 10:46 pm
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ChiravianSkies wrote a review...



Guten Nachtmahl, it's the Chirave Canicthus here to review your work!
I haven't read your other chapters before and am actually kind of amazed nobody has reviewed this. Maybe nobody saw it. Your title doesn't really stand out much, so... yeah.

Well, anyways, this is one of the first reviews that I've done where I actually have something to complain about when it comes to description. You've got too much of it. Far, far too much description. My rule of thumb is "Is it important? Keep it. If it isn't, don't bother with the detail." This isn't to say you shouldn't describe what's around your Main Character, but you shouldn't bombard us with seemingly useless details.

The lizard-man seemed really cool. In my mind, I kind of saw him as an Argonian in Skyrim, but with a little less scales. (Alright. I'm a Skyrim Geek. I've literally got the theme song for my piano recital in June.)

Well, anyways, other than that, your character seemed calm and collected, but I couldn't find their name or gender anywhere. I know I should know this from reading previous chapters but I didn't... This is kind of why I like third-person more than I like first-person.

In General, I really liked this. I'd advise you to spend more time on the plot in each chapter than the descriptions of what's going on. If you do that, the story comes to life far more quickly, and leaves the world to be as vivid as the reader's imagination will take it.

So, I liked this and would love to see more. When I see it in the GR, I'll certainly take the time to review it. Keep Writing!
*The Chiravian flies away*





A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu