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Young Writers Society


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Forgotten Fire, Chapter 9 - Scout

by micamouth


Tabby's chest rose and fell, her breathing desperately trying to keep up with her racing heart. She leaned against a tree, lifting her face to gaze up at the fiery boughs. Her skin was burning and her hands were shaking uncontrollably from the fear-fuelled charge. The rough bark dug into her spine, pushing her away. With a sweep of nausea, Tabby realised she wasn't alone.

Caleb lay unconscious, sprawled across the carpet of leaves that lined the forest floor. His hair fell over his softly closed eyes - if it wasn't for the awkward body position, he would have appeared to be asleep. A single curling strand caught Tabby's eye; it was pink. She reached down to touch it, twisting it around her fingers. Soon she found herself with a few more, knotting them together.

"Are you plaiting my hair?"

Tabby squeaked and jumped away as if she had touched hot metal. "Did you dye it?" she asked, eyebrows narrowing.

Caleb smirked at her. "Maybe," he replied and found his feet. He looked around thoughtfully, apparently not remembering the events before he blacked out. "This place isn't our forest, is it?"

Tabby frowned. It wasn't any ordinary forest - magic pulsed through it like a heartbeat. A distinctive smell hung in the air, musky and sweet. Tabby nervously ran her fingers through the bark of a nearby tree as if it were hair. "This isn't our forest," she replied. "But it looks like our forest, only -"

Off in the distance, a howl echoed through the trees. Flocks of birds flew overhead - the forest was suddenly alive. More noises joined the howl. Deep bellowing roars, bird calls, beating drums and thumping feet created an eerie orchestra that carried through the breeze. Tabby shuddered at the strange choir and went to glance at Caleb stood next to her, but he had already begun walking. Tabby jogged to catch up, muscles still aching. An agonizing silence hung between the two of them as they walked towards the source of the noise, all senses alert. After what seemed an age, Tabby broke it.

"So you're -"

"Yeah." Caleb cut her off as soon as she had begun to speak. "You happy?"

Tabby glanced up at him, surprised at his harsh tone. He didn't glare back as expected, but she noticed his eyes glittering. "Caleb," she said. "Are you okay?"

He replied with a soft grunt. Tabby sighed. She had tried to ignore the present situation, but she had ignored it too long. They had been shot at, chased and Malcolm had been taken. Tabby ran through each event in her head, trying to find a connection, until she became too exasperated to continue. She grabbed Caleb's shoulders in exasperation and stepped in front of him.

"What is wrong with you?" Tabby yelled, chest burning. Caleb set his jaw and glared steadily back at her as she let hot tears fall, drawing lines down her flushed cheeks. "I know what just happened, Caleb, but you're not right."

Caleb looked away, his face etched with worry. "Do you know why we never told you?" he said, so softly that his words were almost carried away with the wind. "We knew you were a shifter. We knew how to tell from our mother and each other."

"So why didn't you tell me?"

Caleb sighed and resumed walking, gesturing for Tabby to follow. "Because... I don't know, I suppose we didn't want anyone else knowing we were shifters too. We aren't real shifters, see - we're half-shifters."

Tabby opened her mouth, about to ask him more, when Caleb pulled her towards him and darted behind a tree trunk. He threw his arms around her eyes and mouth, muffling her gasp of surprise. She was still free to hear, however. The odd music was replaced with a sickly quietness and very distant shuffling; it was making Tabby uneasy. She tried to break out of Caleb's grip, but he was strong and she didn't want to hurt him. At last, when her lungs began to complain, he let go.

As Tabby peered around the tree, she saw a line of footprints a few feet away from them. They passed horizontally, light and wide-spread as if someone had been running. Tabby approached them and noticed that as the trail progressed, they suddenly changed from human footprints to the four-toed print of a bird, then disappeared altogether. She stared in awe, beckoning Caleb over frantically with her hand.



"These belong to a shifter, don't they?" she asked. "I knew something was going on in here." Tabby turned to face Caleb, eyes shining. "Why didn't we figure this out before?"



Before Caleb could answer, a thunderous roar rolled through the forest. The trees were filled with noise again; it sounded like chanting. Strange, wild words in rhythm with foot stamping and the shuffling and thumping of fighting. Every few seconds, a cry could be heard along with a quiet, patient rattling of beads. Tabby and Caleb exchanged confused glances before cautiously heading towards the tumult. What they saw confused them further.



Ahead of them, Tabby could see tents fashioned from what looked like animal skin and the rising smoke of a fire carrying tiny flecks of ember. There was a large gathering around the fire's northern side - it looked like the entire camp had come to watch something. People stood in a small crowd - all had tattoos of black, lining their cheekbones. Some had more black tattoos of two small lines on their chin; a few had a small red swirl on their left cheek. One of them, a young blonde girl, had a blue circle tattooed in the middle of her eyebrows. She was watching more intently than the others, and she wore what looked like a fishing net shawl strung with hundreds of tiny glass beads. She was murmuring something inaudible, and her eyes grew wider as a horrid cry shook the camp.



Tabby's eyes flicked to the spectacle. A circle had been drawn on the ground in what she hoped wasn't blood. There was more blood inside it - tiny little droplets smudged by lightfooted running. Tabby's stare was carried towards the runners, and her knees almost buckled. In the ring, holding a knife and leaping at a red-headed girl with a small flint dagger, was Alexander. 

He had several slashes across his forearms and shins that were painting a trail of crimson where he walked. His thin bare feet were caked in earth and blood, and he looked terrified. Tabby fought back the urge to rush to his aid - she had done that more than once and it more often than not ended in more trouble. She watched on, chest burning with anxiety. It slowly became a painful knot pressing against her ribs, until she began watching the red-headed girl. She had the same black lines on her cheekbones, but at her temples were large red dots, carefully painted into the skin. Tabby scanned the crowd, but the tattoo was unique to her. Her golden eyes blazed with excitement and her fighting style was fluid and sharp. She knew Aleksandar was losing, and she wasn't giving up.

With a swift sweep, she locked her leg with Aleksandar's and pulled. He fell to the ground with a grunt, his head slamming against the earth. The girl spun around and grabbed his collar, throwing him against the nearest tree and brought her arm down on his throat. Aleksandar choked and cried out, attempting to pull her arm away. He struck her shoulder with his blade and the girl flinched, but not enough for Aleksandar to make an escape. He was knocked to the ground with a sickening thud and suddenly pounced upon by a russet-furred wolf, black lips peeled back to reveal sharp white teeth. The creature crept closer to his throat, snarling threats that only he could hear.

Tabby couldn't sit and watch anymore.

She darted forwards and only just heard Caleb yelling for her to come back. The wolf turned back to a girl, glaring up at Tabby with eyes of fire. She was a blur - everything was a blur, until a leopard pounced at her chest from the crowd, gently knocking her to the blood-stained ground.


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23 Reviews


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Sun Feb 28, 2016 12:17 pm
ehobby1465 wrote a review...



Hello! I'm Emily and I'll be reviewing your chapter today. Just a disclaimer, I haven't read any of your previous chapters, so I'll be basing my review only on your writing, rather than your plot and characterization. That being said, let's get down to business!

"He looked around thoughtfully, apparently not remembering the events before he blacked out."
This is something I do all the time as well. I'll put a description, but then I'll summarize the meaning just in case the audience didn't get it. Consider adding a bit more description and getting rid of the summary, it makes for a more interesting read.

"People stood in a small crowd - all had tattoos of black, lining their cheekbones."
I don't think there's a comma needed between 'black' and 'lining'.

"In the ring, holding a knife and leaping at a red-headed girl with a small flint dagger, was Alexander."
Isn't his name spelled Aleksander? I'm not sure which is correct, but you spell it two different ways in the chapter.

That's about it! This was a really well written chapter. My only major critique would be to try and add more description, you have some but a bit more in the beginning would help set the scene. Just a bit when Tabby is waking up, to give the viewer a setting to visualize. Hope it helped! Keep writing!




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Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:50 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm back for another review. Also, I just went through and read the rest of your chapters, and I'm still really enjoying this.

So, again, I like this. There's just something about your writing style - simple and clear - that I'm just really liking right now.

I'm just going to write down my thoughts as the chapter goes on.

So, the first thing I noticed is that you didn't specify if Caleb had turned back into a human or not - I'm assuming he has, but it's probably something you should mention. In general, I've found that I have a bit of a hard time following when your characters shapeshift, and, more often, what they shapeshift into.

Something about the overall story so far - the divide between the real/modern world and the shapeshifter's world. I'd like to know more about it. Right now, I'm assuming the forests of the shapeshifters are sort of in a different dimension or something, which I think is great and I love stories like that. I don't think they should be just normal forests, though, because we've mapped every inch of the earth, at least by satellite - there aren't many forests left for that sort of thing. I feel sure that humans would have found them out. Of course, it could be that the forests are magically hidden - that would also make sense.

The other thing I've thought hasn't been very clear is the whole situation with Tabby at the Organisation - I'm confused about what they know about her and how she was able to land a job with them when she seems to be just a teenage girl.

As far as the actual chapter goes, really the only thing I have to say is that a) your paragraphs are still a tiny bit long, b) I didn't quite understand why Aleksander was fighting, and c) I feel like you should have explained more how Caleb can tell that Tabby's a shifter, and that it should have been mentioned in the last chapter if he knew already.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful! I'll probably come back and review the final part at some point.




micamouth says...


Thanks for the info! I didn't really plan this story out too much. Stupid of me, I know, but gah, I'm not the best planner. I realise now that I need to rewrite a lot of it, but that's not a problem. FF is on a hiatus now anyway, so I can rewrite without needing to also upload chapters.
About their world - the shapeshifters do live within a mapped forest, but it's a kind of dimensional pocket. However, to magical creatures and certain humans, it's perfectly visible. The shapeshifters think they're pretty much safe, but they're a little naive; someone out there knows about them, and that would be the Organisation.
About Tabby and the Organisation... This really should be a lot clearer, I know. Tabby isn't actually as young as she seems. I may have made typos somewhere, but they're all supposed to be around 17-19 years old. The Organisation is most definitely illegal and most definitely sneaky, disguising themselves within the local college that Tabby attended before leaving school - I won't say any more ;) (Little bit of trivia - Caleb actually went to the same college!)
I hope that clears most of that up, and thanks again for the review!



Mea says...


No problem! And thanks for the clarification, that makes a lot of sense. :D



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Fri Jan 01, 2016 6:31 pm
Maverick says...



Just wanted to say I really enjoyed the chapter. Keep up the great work :)




micamouth says...


Duw, thank you so much!




One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex