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E - Everyone

Running

by Riellehn


This is my application essay for college. What do you think?

Prompt: Tell us about your academic and personal achievements. What have you learned from your successes and/or challenges, and how will this influence you as you pursue your college education?

He is a runner, but not in his dreams. Only in his nightmares did he run.

I would be lying if I said I knew who I’m supposed to be. Most people would, for we can all only guess. Such a self realization can be many things. A long and painful process. A simple and beautiful moment. Self realization, for me, was a struggle against uncertainty.

What chased him? It depended on the day. Perhaps it was a dark cloud, all encompassing, all consuming. Perhaps it was a beast, sinister and cruel.

The changes were sudden, and unexpected for most; my friends would comment on the new fine clothing. and I seemed more presentable. My mental changes mirrored this in how suddenly they came, but not in how pleasant they were. Confidence wore down, compliments seemed hollow or underserved. At some point, there was a young adult oh so underdressed yet oh so certain of his great plan; he was replaced by a finely dressed young man who feared his future.

He didn’t know where his current path led. He only knew he couldn’t turn back, couldn’t stop, or he’d fail. So he kept running, even though escape seemed impossible. Running from the dissonant force that chased him.

A clear cut future; transfer down to South Carolina, where I could get the major I wanted in schools where I would learn best. I realized, at some level, that I didn’t want to be a scientist; I didn’t like collecting data, the math wasn’t enjoyable. Yet it was my plan; if I strayed, I wouldn’t know where to go.

Yet strayed I did, fueled by the onset of mental health troubles. I was running from the uncertainty that haunted me, but it was catching up. I took solace in that which I didn’t share, that which I could feel personal pride in, without the need of now hollow compliments. My writing, which at first helped me run from and ignore that which chased me.

What was it that chased him? Chaos born of uncertainty. Horrid, horrifying...but not untouchable.

My achievement? Learning to write about the beast. I don’t embrace its uncertainty, but I don’t ignore it; I know its presence, and admit it terrifies me. I run from it, but the time I’ve spent being chased has allowed me to discover myself. I’ve learned to channel these new emotions to improve my writing, and I’ve learned to use this writing to help others. Above all else, I learned that that’s how I want to use my writing. To help others fight what chases them.

From the chase, he learned this; that which chased him could be slain, if only the proper weapon could be devised. He set to work, crafting a weapon that he could shape even as he ran. What he created was a blade of ink, honed by quiet epiphanies and grand introspections. This blade, born of running, would be his influence. Its completion would be his goal. Finally, he had something to run towards.

I would be lying if I said I knew who I’m supposed to be. Most people would, for we can all only guess on that specific matter. No, the real question is this; who do you want to be? That, I feel, is a question I have learned to answer.

He is a runner, but not in his dreams. Only in his nightmares did he run. However, nightmares can be slain, and through all of their uncertainty, he grasped that which would serve to be the hilt of the sword he wielded. A truth amongst the dissonance, an answer amongst the confusion. He will survive this chase. He will learn from it. And soon...I won’t have to run anymore.


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302 Reviews


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Sat Sep 28, 2019 2:33 pm
Liberty wrote a review...



Hi Rie!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get started now, shall we? Alrighty!

Firstly, thanks for tagging me or I would've forgotten to review this. And secondly, sorry for not reviewing earlier, I had to sleep, hehe.

Okay. Now we begin for real.

Like I said before, I love how you've turned this into a full-on story. I really makes the essay more readable and enjoyable. And honestly, I kept on imagining the italics as a mysterious dude speaking in a very mysterious way. XD And then you've got all the fancy words. It really adds to the italics and the story type feel ya know? It was amazing!

(if only all essays were like this...)

And now... I saw this little thing, I'm not really sure if it was meant to be like that or not, but I'm still gonna point it out because ya never know!

Yet strayed I did, fueled by the onset of mental health troubles.


Is it supposed to be "stray" or "strayed"? Honestly, I think "stray" would fit better. But it's your choice!

And to wrap this review, I thought I'd show you my favourite line out of this entire essay.

What he created was a blade of ink, honed by quiet epiphanies and grand introspections.


It's very descriptive and it's so beautiful at the same time!

I'm done with my review, and I hope it helped in one way or the other. Of course, if you have any questions feel free to ask me whenever!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty

:elephant:




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Sat Sep 28, 2019 10:35 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello! FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get this peace out of the green room for you.

Let's start.

So I too would be lying if I said I knew what I wanted to do with my life, so this work really struck home for me in many ways. Mostly because I don't know what i want to do with my future too.
But some people are lucky and find what they want to do, but even if you don't know yet don't worry about it to much, try to think of the subject you would like to expand in.
Like that's say you wanted to do something with animals, like I do, think of things in that category you would like to do.
But I'm sure your collage doesn't expect you to know what you want to do yet, I mean at the age you are at who does? Just try and think of something you would like to expand in, I'm sure that is what they are looking for, but I guess you never know. But one thing is for sure it will help you.

In this work I liked how you went from dream to reality, it put a nice twist on the story and made it feel a lot more real than it already was because I too have dreams like this, where times just seems to be chasing me down and i have to make up my mind faster. So I could feel the rush and the emotions in this peace and that is what made this for me.

I couldn't see anything wrong with this peace, I thought it was very well written and had been thought out very well, so I hope you will write more and post it on YWS soon, I hope you never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

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Riellehn says...


Thank you!





No problem!



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Sat Sep 28, 2019 5:38 am
Anamel wrote a review...



I think it's good in the form of storytelling but my concern is if this is what the college you're applying to is looking for. It's uncertain whether or not they want something clear cut and concise or they're looking for a spark of some sort. I suppose it seems like a bit of a gamble. I'd also suggest maybe straying away from speaking in third person and without the italics. Try to also combine reality within the storytelling instead of going from reality then jumping into storytelling.

"In life I have always been a runner, but not in my dreams. Only in my nightmares I have run. However, I also apply this to life. I too realize that nightmares can be conquered [whatever else detail you add]. ...I know I will survive this chase and any challenges I face. I will learn from it." Then tie this into your intentions with being at college. Apply it too to how college will benefit you.

"The changes were sudden, and unexpected for most; my friends would comment on the new fine clothing. and I seemed more presentable. My mental changes mirrored this in how suddenly they came, but not in how pleasant they were. Confidence wore down, compliments seemed hollow or underserved. At some point, there was a young adult oh so underdressed yet oh so certain of his great plan; he was replaced by a finely dressed young man who feared his future."

I suggest not using too many semicolons. Like: The changes were sudden and unexpected for most. My friends would comment on my new fine clothing and how I seemed more presentable. My mental changes were mirrored in this. My confidence wore down and compliments seemed hollow or undeserved. At some point, there was a young adult oh so underdressed yet so certain of his great plan. He was then replaced by a finely dressed young man who feared his future."

I like the way you storytell but I think you have to make it more clear and specific. You can keep your story telling form but write it kind of like a biography. Otherwise it seems pretty good.




Riellehn says...


You're actually right on the semicolons. The moment I learned to use them I started using them a lot to practice, before promptly using them incorrectly (or too frequently).

As for the storytelling vs non-storytelling (italics vs non-italics), yes, I'm taking a gamble...but also not really. My essay isn't a make or break deal, as my grades are such that I'll probably get in anyways. I used italics heavily because it helped distinguish the storytelling voice from my voice (which is especially important in the final sentence), and the storytelling voice speaks in third person rather than first because I don't want it to be extremely obvious that the boy the storyteller is speaking of is me; hence why there really is no connection between the two voices at first, before they connect fully.

(finally, some of the semicolons in the paragraph you rewrote were to produce sentence length variation; I'll definitely go through and check to see if all the semicolons I used were necessary, but *shrug*




Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
— Ann Landers