This is my application essay for college. What do you think?
Prompt: Tell us about your academic and personal achievements. What have you learned from your successes and/or challenges, and how will this influence you as you pursue your college education?
He is a runner, but not in his dreams. Only in his nightmares did he run.
I would be lying if I said I knew who I’m supposed to be. Most people would, for we can all only guess. Such a self realization can be many things. A long and painful process. A simple and beautiful moment. Self realization, for me, was a struggle against uncertainty.
What chased him? It depended on the day. Perhaps it was a dark cloud, all encompassing, all consuming. Perhaps it was a beast, sinister and cruel.
The changes were sudden, and unexpected for most; my friends would comment on the new fine clothing. and I seemed more presentable. My mental changes mirrored this in how suddenly they came, but not in how pleasant they were. Confidence wore down, compliments seemed hollow or underserved. At some point, there was a young adult oh so underdressed yet oh so certain of his great plan; he was replaced by a finely dressed young man who feared his future.
He didn’t know where his current path led. He only knew he couldn’t turn back, couldn’t stop, or he’d fail. So he kept running, even though escape seemed impossible. Running from the dissonant force that chased him.
A clear cut future; transfer down to South Carolina, where I could get the major I wanted in schools where I would learn best. I realized, at some level, that I didn’t want to be a scientist; I didn’t like collecting data, the math wasn’t enjoyable. Yet it was my plan; if I strayed, I wouldn’t know where to go.
Yet strayed I did, fueled by the onset of mental health troubles. I was running from the uncertainty that haunted me, but it was catching up. I took solace in that which I didn’t share, that which I could feel personal pride in, without the need of now hollow compliments. My writing, which at first helped me run from and ignore that which chased me.
What was it that chased him? Chaos born of uncertainty. Horrid, horrifying...but not untouchable.
My achievement? Learning to write about the beast. I don’t embrace its uncertainty, but I don’t ignore it; I know its presence, and admit it terrifies me. I run from it, but the time I’ve spent being chased has allowed me to discover myself. I’ve learned to channel these new emotions to improve my writing, and I’ve learned to use this writing to help others. Above all else, I learned that that’s how I want to use my writing. To help others fight what chases them.
From the chase, he learned this; that which chased him could be slain, if only the proper weapon could be devised. He set to work, crafting a weapon that he could shape even as he ran. What he created was a blade of ink, honed by quiet epiphanies and grand introspections. This blade, born of running, would be his influence. Its completion would be his goal. Finally, he had something to run towards.
I would be lying if I said I knew who I’m supposed to be. Most people would, for we can all only guess on that specific matter. No, the real question is this; who do you want to be? That, I feel, is a question I have learned to answer.
He is a runner, but not in his dreams. Only in his nightmares did he run. However, nightmares can be slain, and through all of their uncertainty, he grasped that which would serve to be the hilt of the sword he wielded. A truth amongst the dissonance, an answer amongst the confusion. He will survive this chase. He will learn from it. And soon...I won’t have to run anymore.