I am making this up on the spot, as filler for the time between now, when im writing this, not when you're reading it, and my date tonight.
So I was in this riot one time, wheather or not i was participating, or just watching, you'll have to decide later, right now though, i'm busy telling a story. These guys tipped this news van over, and were trying to make it explode. they tried various things, shooting at it with different guns, beating it with a sledge, lighting the engine block on fire, it wasn't really working, the engine block got really clean though. Eventually they ended up shoving a shirt down the fuel line and lighting it on fire. Man what an explosion. Three weeks later they found a liscnese plate burried in rooftop asphalt 4 blocks away.
Anyway, the riot would never had have happened if fox had just kept that freaking reality show from ever existing.
So it starts like this. Fox needed a new reality show to fill their weekday block, from 4-10 in the evening. They finally got the right idea and were going to replace each and everyone of their dumbass television shows, but it was a good plan poorly executed when they picked up this particular plot.
It involved three swedish female midgets (all between the hights of 3 ft and 3 ft 9) bikinis, leighterhozen, and one hundred and fourty two batchelorettes disguised as men from 20 years from now, when in fact they are from the year 1924. It was all going well, until the fourteenth season
to be continued.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayyy...well this is an interesting start here. The narrator especially has a very interesting flair to them with their personality and I can't decide if I like it or not. Either way it is interesting. And of course this little description of a riot is quite nicely done too, I think this is meant to dip into the humor area perhaps given its a bit over the top, but I am liking it so far, and it doing a good job getting our attention as readers.
Alright we have ourselves a slight change of tone here to a somewhat more rantlike quality here. That's certainly an interesting shift there but it does make it no less entertaining although I would now suggest a tiny bit more detail in this case instead of going 100% just rant.
OKay that seems like a setup for more things to come there. I do like to see that, it makes you want to keep reading, and well this combination you suggest there is just about ridiculous enough to make you curious so decent job there...although I would attempt to settle on a mid range tone there between the ranty nature of the second paragraph and the more exaggerated humor like style of the other two.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello there.
Popping in to give you a review that's deserved regardless of how long ago this work was posted.
First off, I think that this, dubbed you may as something random, is a little too all over the place for my tastes. I'm not sure if the very first sentence is meant to be added to the story, but I'll start with it either way. If this meant to be funny, then alright, but this seemed too disjointed to really get more than a couple of snorts from the odd sentences you have here. In addition, I think to make this an actual story with a plot and such requires a little more information, even with why the narrator was able to witness it anyway.
Continuing on, the punctuation and grammar issues are a little glaring, even when this isn't very labeled past "story" or something that came from sitting in front of a computer. I think it'd be interesting to keep the mistakes if this is like an article submitted to a magazine on random things, and even this gets rejected, but I guess I'm adding too much to this story. Not to mention whether "leighterhozen" should be "lederhosen" and that's German, not Swedish, so I don't see a connection there.
Finally, I find the "to be continued" ironic even if you didn't mean it that way. I think what this is really lacking not including the need of a round of editing, is I'm not sure if this meant to be satirical or making fun of something, or just being too ridiculous to be taken seriously. The whole description of the actual riot seemed very pointless, so I am curious whether you wanted to do something with this or just wanted to post something.
Overall, I think that I would've liked to see more of this to better understand the point/tone, but oh well.
That's all I've got for now.
Interesting. Not that good, but I wouldn't call it bad. It's fascinating to see what people come up with when they start writing with nothing in mind.
*chants* WE WANT MORE, WE WANT MORE, WE WANT MORE!
erh... wow! I'd like to read more of this!