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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Chasing Shadows - Prologue

by Payne


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Prologue

___

Stretched out on his bed, Mikey Harris stared up at the ceiling. He took a long drag off his joint, held it in for seven seconds, then exhaled slowly through his nose. The smoke drifted up to the ceiling and then fanned out. It was streaked with rays of light from the arched window across from the foot of his bed. He took another hit and chuckled to himself, watching the swirling

The front door opened downstairs, and his smile faded. He snuffed out the joint as he heard his father’s footsteps coming up the stairs. The door opened and William stepped into the room like a conquering invader with his face already twisting in disgust at the smell of marijuana. He glanced up at the haze on the ceiling. “Michael, what is this?”

“You didn’t knock.” Mikey took a deep breath. His scalp tingled pleasantly as the high set in.

“It’s my house. I don’t need to knock and I shouldn’t need to tell you multiple times that I don’t want you smoking that crap in here.”

Mikey shrugged, looking out the window while he rubbed his thumb lightly against the joint still hidden in his hand. He could already hear almost every complaint that was about to tossed at him.

His father growled and walked over to the window, throwing it open. “Wonderful, your room smells like shit.”

“I’ll spray some Lysol. Did you smell it from the highway or something?”

William looked over his shoulder at Mikey, his face murderous.

“I mean did you come up here for something?” Mikey fanned at the air, trying to look like he was helping.

“Yes. I have a job out of town. I’m leaving tomorrow and I’ll be gone about two weeks.”

Mikey watched the him march back over to the bedroom door, having successfully purged most of the smoke from the area. “That’s cool. How far out of town?”

“Guatemala. And while I’m gone I want you to stop smoking that shit. I don’t care if you’re almost eighteen; I still put food on the table around here. I don’t want my son turning into a brain-dead slug.” With that, he went out and slammed the door behind him.

When his footsteps had gone all the way downstairs, Mikey lit the joint again and sighed. “Time to get high as giraffe balls then.”

___

It was early March and the skies were clear in southern Guatemala. The sun beat down, filtering through the leaf canopy to make it a humid 75 degrees Fahrenheit. William Harris, a 52-year-old with an Archaeology degree from Boston University, slapped at a mosquito as it buzzed near his face. His two young assistants trailed a few feet behind; he could hear them swearing as they struggled through the underbrush. A modest excavation team of five was following behind them.

This was only the assistants’ second excursion with William, so he had been keeping to the easily accessible Mayan ruins like El Baúl and Mixco Viejo. The younger of the two, Dylan, tended to be hungover on Mondays but otherwise they were both competent enough to keep pace with him.

The previous day had involved conversation with local government in a town east of Tiquisate. There was mention of a Mayan construction deep in the rainforest. A lack of funding and interest had left it allegedly undisturbed. Curiosity got the better of him, and after discussing it with Dylan and Robbie they had decided to go in search of an unexplored archaeological site.

Now, two hours into their hike, the young men were clearly failing. “Mister Harris!” Robbie called out. “How are we doing?”

“Another half a mile. The trees are thinning.” William checked his compass again. He had more high-tech gear in his bag but the wet climate and remote area tended to make them unreliable. They continued due east until the trees became sparse enough to reveal a massive stone structure tucked away in the foliage.

“Shit,” Dylan breathed.

Thick stone pillars stood in two rows, one on either side of what had clearly once been a path leading to the building itself. Vines twisted around their cracked surfaces. A spider web stretched between the two closest to the men.

The structure was about two stories tall, making it smaller than most Mayan temples, but the tiered pyramid shape of it was unmistakable. It didn’t appear damaged and the tiered sides were covered in wide patches of moss.

William shrugged out of his backpack and began digging tools out of it. “Alright, we’ve got written permission and five hours of daylight. Let’s see what’s in there.”

The excavation team began to work, setting precise charges at the sealed stone door. William stood by, watching discreetly. After two and a half decades in the field, he knew to watch for sloppy blasting crews who could damage fragile interiors.

They worked carefully and soon had the tomb breached. When the air cleared, William stepped through the newly-created opening and breathed the staleness of the dark room. It reeked of mildew and something like rotting vegetables. He directed his flashlight around what appeared to be an empty room; it was roughly ten square feet, with none of the typical furnishings for a burial chamber.

One of the excavation crew came to stand at his side, peering into the dimness. “Why is it empty?”

“It doesn’t make sense to seal off an empty area,” William mused as he stepped further inside. He felt a twinge of disappointment as he walked to the center of the room. The ceiling was high, the walls were plain. His light revealed nothing but rough stone on all sides. Standing in silence, he breathed in again. His exhale echoed in the empty tomb. “Does anyone else smell that?”

Dylan joined him. “What?”

“It smells like compost or old produce.”

“Nah, I don’t smell anything.”

Just as William was about to give up, the flashlight beam caught a shadow on the far wall. Upon closer inspection he found a deep trough cut into the wall. It was filled entirely with sculpted stone, ceramics, and small clay figures—many of which bore dark rust-colored stains.

He leaned in closer. “Blood stains. So these must all be offerings of some sort. But this isn’t how they usually did their bloodletting.”

Dylan stared at the trough in awe. “I’ve never seen one like this before. Why would they leave offerings in a one-room temple with no other markings?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like it was constructed with the usual care, either. Start taking pictures.” William glanced around once more, shining his light up toward the high ceiling. “What a waste.”


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Fri Nov 30, 2018 1:11 am
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello hello!! About time we got this out of the green room, yes? :)

I liked the opening introduction with the dynamics between the father and son. That's very telling. And based on what happened in the later portion of the scene, I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen to the dad while he's down there, or he's going to bring something bad home with him.

I'd like a little more clarification about this situation though. Is it just Mikey and his dad in the house? Is anyone going to look after Mikey while dad is gone? Is this a common occurrence? Does dad really trust Mikey to be left alone, especially when he just caught him smoking? And does he really think he's going to stop smoking while he's gone?

The later portion was interesting and it's a nice set-up for what I'm sure is to come, but I don't feel that oomph of I must read on. I'm sure you've heard before that prologues are usually not necessary. Without the rest of the plot in front of me, I don't know in this case. But I'm wondering if all of this information can be in the first chapter. Is there a reason why there has to be a prologue? I think if you really want to keep the prologue, add a bigger oomph at the end to require the reader to read on and see what happens.

Also, for it being so short (which is not a bad thing in a prologue!) it was a little jarring to have a scene change. I liked both moments, but I'm not convinced they both need to be in the prologue. I would pick one to focus on and then show the other in the first chapter or later.

Overall though, there is something intriguing about this opening. Maybe it's because you've labeled it as horror so I know something big and bad and scary is coming, I don't know :) But let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! I hope you keep working on this story :D




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Sun Oct 14, 2018 1:41 am
SirenCymbaline wrote a review...



This prologue does a good job at setting up. The relationship between Mikey and William, William being an archaeologist, and the Mayan temple that's prolly gonna have something really interesting in it and be an important part of the story.

That said, all it really does it set up. It's functionally a long, well written blurb. It has value in that it sets up cool things to come, but I feel as though it's more of a promise than a real story in its own right. I get that it's a piece of a story, and it's a prologue, but I feel less like I was left on a cliffhanger that hooks me on the rest of the story and more like I was just reading a first chapter that got cut off before I finished.

I would like to know a bit more about Mikey than 'he smokes weed and doesn't respond well to authority.' But I still felt that what I did get was well illustrated, and he sounded like a real person.

William was pretty good, too. He doesn't feel like an angry dad from a sitcom so much as a reasonably upset dad who has had to put up with this crap for a substantial amount of time. He feels pretty realistic. I'd have also liked to learn a little more about him than 'he is an archaeologist who does archaeology and doesn't like weed' but I accept that it's a short prologue, and that stuff is gonna come later.

So I think the reason that I ask to know more about Mikey but accept that I don't know a lot about William is that William is the one who goes on the expedition, and does actions that move the plot, while Mikey's only purpose in this prologue is to be introduced. William is the one who does things, so if not for the opening scene being from Mikey's perspective, I would have presumed that William was the protagonist.

If Mikey's only purpose here is to be introduced, then I feel as though I should be learning just a bit more about him. He's gonna be important later, but right now he's just extraneous.
I don't really know what I'd change here, if I were to change anything.

You might be going for the 'directionless youth' thing here, and if that's the case it makes sense for him to not be proactive at the beginning of the plot.
But then again, I don't know if he's directionless. Sure, he smokes weed, but as far as I know, he could also be getting a degree or running a business at the same time.

I don't really have much of anything more to say, but that it's super awesome and brave that you're getting into writing after years of not doing any. That takes some guts.
It's good to see you back, and I'll follow what you're doing here, see if I can be of some help.

:) See you in Chapter 1. <3




Payne says...


Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I agree about Mikey; I didn't really have a good idea of him myself when I started writing but now that I have him a little more fleshed out I can put some of that into his introduction.





Nice! I'll keep an eye out.




History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
— Napoleon Bonaparte