Hello there.
Popping in to give you a review after all these years. The wait was long, but I hope it was worth it.
First off, I think that I'd rather this be in an actual novel rather than just a short story, for a couple of reasons. One, the use of "you," "we," and "I" made me want to know more about these characters, and how the end of the world even started. I don't feel a connection with these people, as I'm only told basically that they wanted to be together one last time before they died and left the earth and such. Two, I like the reasons behind things, so I'd love to have more of a build-up in this story, even with a few glimpses of when these characters fell for each other. Three, this reads like the ending of a book I read where people had like three months before an asteroid was supposed to destroy the earth.
Continuing on, I don't really like the slight tense changes, like the MC knowing when they spoke their last words, and that they didn't "remember" after the world ended. In this case, I'm conflicted on how I'm supposed to feel, as am I supposed to think they exist somewhere, as they can tell what they remembered, or are they simply dead? That almost sounds like the ending of a novel, and I don't know if that's effective in a short story setting that's very, very short.
Finally, I feel kind of "ehh" about these characters dying. I just think this reads as a little flat unless readers like reading a short fic that everyone dies in a few hundred words. I want to be invested, so I'm sniffing by the time the couple can spot the sky coming down, but I'm not right now.
Overall, I think that this has more potential as a longer segment and that I simply want these characters more sketched out because they could be interesting!
That's all for now.
Points: 31520
Reviews: 415
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