Young Writers Society

You blanked out your poem. Why did you blank it out? I was like "ooh, it's one of those white canvas avant garde type things, but in literary form! But why is it called "orangeface" then? Is this a reference to "A Clockwork Orange"? Or "The Annoying Orange?" Or like blackface but with aliens who are orange? Or like a orange face demanding a fist?" Then I read the comments and realized that you've basically self-censored. Don't self-censor. That's how freedom of expression dies. Even if you thought what you wrote sucked, I'd just remove it and say "it sucked and I'd like to have my portfolio look nicer", not blank it out because some people were offended.

Hi there Noisette! Niteowl here to review.

Overall, I liked this, but I do have to agree with Nikayla that it isn't particularly humorous or satirical. It's more of a very literal summary of what has happened with a grim prediction of the future tacked on at the end for good measure. That said, there are some good lines, like the first stanza and the description of his family.

One thing you could do to make it interesting is to make the future part of this more specific. It says that Americans become refugees, implying that some really dramatic stuff happened. Like even more dramatic than most people would predict. And yet it's unclear what exactly those dramatic events are. Also, I find it unbelievable that he would leave after four years so easily. Like even if there are elections in this dramatic-future-America and he gets booted out, it seems like he would go kicking and screaming (or more likely, all-caps-tweeting).

showered in gold, he sat atop his ivory tower and looked on at peasants,

those seeking refuge in what he claimed was a great land, calling them “dangerous.”

This is Nikayla here for a review.

A message that has already been said a million times before. Not to say that it's a completely bad thing, but it's really starting to get old. My main problem with the poem is that it doesn't add anything new to the table and I wouldn't even really label it 'Satire' because that doesn't really fit well with me.

The whole thing about calling Donald Trump, who you're obviously referring to throughout the poem, as 'Orangeface', is something that I found to be a little odd and it reminds me of other terms that are actually harmful, so I didn't happen to like it all that much. Satire is a genre that's supposed to make fun of or poke at actual issues, but I've seen so many parodies and insults of Donald Trump now that it only gives him more attention.

I don't mind that the poem isn't structured, because it does look nice, if that's something. As you can already tell, I'm not that much of a fan of the subject matter and the message that you're trying to get across with this poem and really it only seems to feed to the phenomenon around him. I dislike him too, I get it, but it's not a new perspective.

You say that this is something that you've been wanting to say but if you really feel the need to say them I'd rather see it done in a more powerful manner. Maybe it's just me who's sick and tired of all the content that feeds off of the fact that a lot of people dislike him and that it only adds to the controversy at this point, but it's long gone in my mind by now. The whole phase where everyone made fun of him has gone stale and this poem is just something that's late to the party. It's not to say that Donald Trump isn't relevant, because he's the President of the United States currently, and unfortunately.

I do have to say that you have a knack for description at places in this poem, but I just wish that it was better used. The first line made me laugh, but I've gone bitter from the rest of the poem because it's no longer worth making a joke out of because there's no content left to tap into. If you want to show your dislike, show it in a more constructive and new way that hasn't been done before a million times. As for your writing in general, I'd like to see what you're able to do in terms of humorous poetry when it comes to stronger subject matter that hasn't been as worn out over time.

I hope I helped and have a great day! I hope my bitterness of the whole situation doesn't happen to get to you as a whole, because I've realized that this was a silly thing written during the night and that I could possibly come off as harsh. It's not against you as much it is the fact he makes me groan.

I feel like someone who supports him will come across this and silently rage lol