Hey there! Little's here for a review! It's been a long time since i did this, so forgive me for any errors!
Starting off, I can understand how you may have felt when this happened to you, seeing as how I've gone through something similar. However, I think you leaned way too heavily on metaphors and similes for this poem. Both allow you to express yourself pretty well and add a touch of mysteriousness to whatever it is you're trying to say, but frankly, you haven't used them very well. Everything is just way too abstract. While poems are almost never clear but opaque, smudging your thoughts too much can be... Unpleasant. For example, I don't think i would have understood what you are trying to say, or what this poem is even about, if you hadn't given us an explanation. It's just very vague. TOO vague to catch on to the actual topic.
Another thing that's sad to see is the rhyme scheme. I see that niteowl's already elaborated on this point, but i would like to add that a rhyme scheme often completely prohibits you from exposing your emotions in a clear manner. There are so many other, perhaps better words you could have used, but the rhyme prevented you from using them. Poetry does not necessarily have to rhyme. Poetry is an art of expression. If you force a rhyme scheme on a deep poem, it ruins it. What could be a masterpiece becomes any old painting.
To be honest, the last four lines are extremely difficult to understand. Why would a gaucherie be compared to grapes?
Well, overall, it's nice, but needs a lot of work, don't you think? I see a potential masterpiece, so try not to let it remain any old painting.
Points: 18564
Reviews: 278
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