Hey there, Majesty! <3 I've been meaning to review this poem for a long time, and I'm finally here! ^^ Let's jump right to it, shall we?First off, this is a really gorgeous poem to look at c: You have super neat handwriting, and I love the doodles you have done to match with the words in your poem. I love how you start out with blackness and transition to bright, colourful stars and meteors and planets. The visual aspect of this poem is very pleasing, and I think it's such a cute and fun and creative piece <3As for the actual poem, I really love that too ^^ The rhymes are very catchy and I think that was a good choice for a poem like this - the rhyme plus the drawings make this piece very interactive and fun, so I think you did a super job with that. I love your progression from darkness to finding a source of light; I think you drew that out very nicely Also, I LOVE the last line. Not only is the actual line a perfect way to end this, but your drawings and images go so well with the words. I really love that last line a ton <3 I also noticed how after the stars came about, you put stars over your "i"s instead of actual dots. I think that was an awesome attention to detail, because you only did that after the arrival of the stars and not during the darkness period. I also love the way you've put emphasis on certain words. Like the way "nothingness" looks scattered, how "see" is in all caps, and how "glimmer" and "shimmer" look like their meaning. You did a really nice job with all of this <3I actually don't have a lot to critique about this poem; I only have one minor suggestion. But it is just a suggestion, so if you don't agree with it, please feel free to disregard or ignore it!!The only thing I'd like to mention is capitalization. For the most part, you capitalize the beginning of every line. There are some spots that you don't which I will quote below
that's all there was
a pit of nothingness
Hey, there! This is a cool piece of art. I have to say, it's really more visual art than literary, at least in this format. So I like your design, coloring, and format. The colors and illustrations coordinate well with the subjects of the poem with which they correlate. That being said, I think this would do better as a poem if you left off the visual art. Having both makes it unique and gives some really cool word pictures, but it's not very poetry-ish. The visual illustrations almost detract from what you're trying to say. So like I said, it's almost more of a visual art piece. If that's what you're aiming for, then great job! If, however, you're more concerned about the message of the words, I'd suggest putting it in a regular format. And of course, there's nothing wrong with having one of each! You're obviously an artist with both words and visuals, so great work.
hi majesty!!! lulon is here to give a helpful(hopefully) review. here’s to my first review of the month(i’m doing team tortoise)!first off, let me just say this is beautiful to look at!! i’ll have to try this artsy format in the future. everything about this catches the eye. the colors, the staggering of the stanzas, and the art work surrounding the words. i like to think of it as looking at a painting: the real centerpiece is framed by something to compliment it.let’s start with the first and second stanza. the flow is excellent! it glides right off the tongue and is satisfying to say. it’s rhyming, but not so much so that it’s awkward. the art surrounding this line matches the mood. the depressing, hopeless start is always my go to for starting poetry. the second stanza is almost too rhythmic for me, but i’m also known for not rhyming in my poetry, so that’s just a personal preference! i have no criticism for these stanzas.the third and fourth stanzas are what we would call in novel writing the “rising action”. the story seems to be turning around, and there is hope in the distance. i like how you didn’t just throw the happiness at us, how you slowly progressed into what may be hope. the “glimmer, shimmer” part is really cute! i’m just fangirling over the word art. one thing about the fourth stanza is that there are a lot of “...” these little guys. it’s a little busy for everything that’s already going on.the next stanza is really beautiful. it some beautiful imagery and word art is as creative as ever! the comparison of her hope to a ray of light or star is really good. you are painting a beautiful image in the readers that is really something else. the flow is a little off in this stanza, but besides that, no criticism here!the final stanza is, again, just wonderful. the imagery is just as beautiful and the happiness is radiating off the page! it seems like a really personal experience and i just love that. poetry is so much better when the writer is beaming the same emotions as the words. the words at the bottom of the page have to be my favourite part of this whole poem.amazing job majesty! keep writing and spreading this positivity. i hope you write more poems like this!!! ~lulon
Awesome work, @NastyMajesty ! I absolutely loved it!Even after reading this three times, I still love it! I do have a few things to say about this though.First, your spacing and elaboration of drawings added to the poem is gorgeous and really gives the reader a sense of professionalism and hard work. However, the only problem with this is that for some readers (a.k.a me in the morning) may have a hard time following this poem. Second, this sounds so much like the lyrics to a song! If you get the rhythm and melody right, this would be a great song! As a poem, this is also very good, and the reason why? This brings me to my third comment.Third, a huge reason why this is a good poem is that it has a mood change. Unlike many poems that have a character of one mood the entire time (There's nothing wrong with that), this one feels damp and dark at that beginning, and slowly crescendos into a jubilant victory stanza. It gives the reader a good feeling at the end because they 1) probably wont feel well after reading a whole 5-stanza poem that is basically depressing and 2) your first line of the last stanza is placed perfectly. It's my personal favorite line.
Yes! Finally! The Light!
It started with those two tiny rays
Yo @NastyMajesty Incoming review. I like how you kept the page and didn't change it to be just text. The aesthetic of the page brings the words to life and acts as a visual to how you were feeling. But about the actual writing, I absolutely loved your use of imagery. I liked how you kept the theme of space to describe things. I feel like space is a great thing to use imagery with. And you captured the feeling of having friends sweep you out of darkness very well. Your use of the metallic markers in the third stanza made way for the tone to change from something very dark to something shiny or bright. I feel like metallic markers are essential to getting the theme through to the reader. Some words can't show things you want to convey so you need visuals. But overall, great poem. I see you like the theme of friends. *snickers as one of your friends* Anyway byeee.
Also, YES THERE IS A LETTER L EXISTENT IN WORLD MY CAMERA APPARENTLY DOESN'T READ SILVER METALLIC SHARPIE ;-;
Thanks for reading :3please leave a review! I'm curious to see what others' interpretation of my poem are
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