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16+ Violence

Diamonds in the Rough 💎 2: The Cave

by NadyaStatham


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

After walking for some time, they entered a nature park in the eastern part of town and walked deep to the back. Luckily they got a free pass as tourists and just strolled as far as possible from the entrance.

They entered a dark cave. Reggie lit a candle and walked in the cave first after which he signalled Sia to come with Carla.

A wave of cold air hit them in the face along with the sound of some screeching bats who were getting interrupted in their beauty sleep. Little bugs crawled around as they marched more to the back of the cave where it became darker and darker and colder and colder.

Nonetheless, Reggie didn’t stop until he reached the part where there was dripping little drops of water from one of the walls of the cave.

‘Here we are,’ He exclaimed and catched some of the water and drank it. ‘Refreshing, we are at the right place.’

There he removed Carla’s cuffs.

‘What are you not scared I’ll run away again?’ Carla asked bluntly, totally not impressed or scared by his behaviour, rather irritated.

‘I was never scared, princess. Now if you’ll just help us we’ll be on our merry way again.’ Reggie smiled as he handed her a few tools along with a tool box.

Carla crossed her hands and ignored the tools, ‘And if I don’t do it, pretty face?’

‘That would be sad, wouldn’t it, princess?’ Reggie chuckled as he turned serious, ‘We are going to have to kill you then.’

In a flash of a second Reggie removed a knife from his pocket and held it up her throat. On the look on his face, you saw that he was in no mood for games. This was business, this was for survival.

‘You wouldn’t dare.’ Carla said as she started to breathe faster, scared for her life.

Reggie pushed the knife harder against her throat, almost piercing through her skin. With a harsh voice he said, ‘That’s funny, ‘cause I didn’t read anywhere that I need permission to kill you.’

The knife was on the brink of doing its job and Sia was afraid if she didn’t stop him, he would kill her.

‘Reggie, stop it! You’re going to hurt her, like you did with-’ she cried out knowing she had added salt to a healing wound.

‘He deserved it and you know that!’ Reggie shouted back and stepped away from Carla.

He handed Carla the tools once more. She took them rubbing her neck in relief.

‘Watch her, I want the diamonds by the time I get back.’ Reggie said to Sia and left the cave holding his burst of anger.

Carla was shocked by what had happened, she could have been killed. She looked at the rough walls of the cave filled with shimmering, but rough diamonds. She took a deep breath and picked the tester and hammer while she let her hand run around the rough wall.

Flashback 13 years later:

‘Carmen *Cariña (*love), you have to put the feeling in it.’ Carla’s father said as he placed a bandage around her palm to stop the bleeding.

‘It’s not working, pappi! The stupid thing cutted my hand, now it’s bleeding-’ An eight year old Carla shouted at her father.

‘No, it’s working. We’ve already spotted the diamonds, that’s a great thing. Now Shhhh mija, close your eyes and put feeling in it.’ Her father said, ‘Come one close them…’

Carla closed her eyes and her father ran her bandaged hand over the rough walls.

‘Feel the roughness of the wall and then walk along with it, trust yourself mija. *Ahora (Now), you feel a small smooth surface beneath your fingertips. Picture it in your mind, *amor (love),’ her father encouraged as Carla continued to walk along the rough cave walls.

‘Imagine that smoothness, like the soft touch of your mammi’s hands when she braids your hair. That's a rough diamond, Carmen. It's precious just like your heart.’

Carla smiled, still keeping her eyes closed.

‘Now, there might be a little pointy edge, it's sharp, but it's what makes the diamond special, *hija (daughter). It’s strong and beautiful, with a touch of sharpness that makes it unique. Now open *tus ojos (your eyes).’ Her father said.

Carla picked up a tester as her father held a hammer.

‘Now mija, the key is to remove the diamonds without breaking them. With a careful touch, tap the tester right beside the pointy edge and keep doing that with a delicate touch.’ Her father said as he guided her hand.

‘After you’ve broken some pieces of the walls itself, carefully try to add some water to the area where you've been working. It helps to loosen the grip of the surrounding rocks on the diamonds. If you don’t have water, don’t panic. A hammer will do just fine. Remember, patience is important in this process.’

***

Carla felt the roughness of the cave walls beneath her fingertips, just like she did as a child. She took a deep breath, trying to immerse herself in the moment. Reminding her to trust herself .

She traced the walls with the tester, the tool making a delicate sound as it moved across the rough surfaces. She extracted four diamonds and couldn't help but smile, as she held the precious gems she held in her hands. Her hands had scratches and were bleeding a little but she didn’t care, the feeling did.

After an hour or three Reggie came back and placed the gems in a bag. He looked around for his tools and placed them back in the travel bag.

‘Ready?’ he asked Sia as he saw her sitting on a nearby rock next to Carla.

Sia looked up, ‘Reg, I’m sorry for before. I know I shouldn’t have-’

‘It’s alright, sis. He’s gone, so it doesn't matter,’ Reggie cutted her off, ‘We need to go if we want to bring these to the shop, It’ll be dark soon.’

Carla wanted to escape, but now she didn’t dare. She didn’t want to die, so she was going to cooperate for a while until she found another opportunity.

‘Nah princess, you’re going to be cuffed again.’ Reggie said, being back to his old self as they walked out of the cave.

Carla stuck her tongue to him as he cuffed her again.

Reggie threw the bag with diamonds for Sia and said, ‘Hold these, just in case the princess tries some tricks again.’

~~~

Constructive criticism is highly appreciated:

* On the content mainly

* On the Writing style


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Fri Feb 16, 2024 12:37 am
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hey Amaya! I'm here with a review, as promised ^-^ Overall, I think the way you write your characters is very strong. Carla seems like a clever, skilled protagonist, and I love the banter between her, Reggie, and Sia.
Your writing style is also very engaging! The plot moves at a good pace and I'm excited to find out what comes next.
I'm not entirely clear on why Reggie kidnapped Carla, though. Holding her for ransom because of her father might make sense, but if it's just to mine diamonds... Well, I feel like he could mine the diamonds himself? Or hire someone to do it? Admittedly, I don't know much about mining diamonds, but I doubt a miner would accidentally break them or anything. So some clarification of the exact reason for her kidnapping would be nice. XD

I'll add more as we get into specifics~

They entered a dark cave. Reggie lit a candle and walked in the cave first after which he signalled Sia to come with Carla.

(1) Finding diamonds in a nature park is craaaazy :] I wonder how Reggie found them!
(2) Why a candle? I'm assuming this is set in either present day or close to present day, so wouldn't a flashlight or a phone be more convenient? >.>

Little bugs crawled around as they marched more to the back of the cave where it became darker and darker and colder and colder.

Great description of the bats and bugs. Really sets the scene for the readers :>

‘Here we are,’ He exclaimed and catched some of the water and drank it.

Reggie, that seems rather unsanitary >.< Also "catched" should be "caught" (I know, English is weird like that :/).

Reggie pushed the knife harder against her throat, almost piercing through her skin. With a harsh voice he said, ‘That’s funny, ‘cause I didn’t read anywhere that I need permission to kill you.’

Woah woah woah. 0.0 How have Reggie and Sia been brought up so that murder is their first instinct? ;-; Carla's definitely gotten herself mixed up with some unsavory business here...

‘Reggie, stop it! You’re going to hurt her, like you did with-’ she cried out knowing she had added salt to a healing wound.

‘He deserved it and you know that!’ Reggie shouted back and stepped away from Carla.

Oh? Traumatic backstory? Hmmm I'm curious what that's about.

Flashback 13 years later:

I believe this should say "13 years earlier," since it's from when Carla was younger! :]

‘Imagine that smoothness, like the soft touch of your mammi’s hands when she braids your hair. That's a rough diamond, Carmen. It's precious just like your heart.’

Carla smiled, still keeping her eyes closed.

You know what else is precious? This scene. T-T Love how you added this flashback-- it gives us a glimpse into the past relationship between Carmen and her father. It feels like that relationship is going to be one of the main focuses of this novel, so I appreciate that you weave it in throughout the chapters.

She extracted four diamonds and couldn't help but smile, as she held the precious gems she held in her hands. Her hands had scratches and were bleeding a little but she didn’t care, the feeling did.

Just a few minor things here! In the first sentence, "held" is repeated =P In the second, it seems like you're missing a part after "the feeling did"? Here's a tip as well: reading your work out loud can help you catch things like these ^^
Oh also, I love how you sprinkle in Spanish throughout the novel! The images of the actors that you'd cast as the characters are also very neat. C:

Carla stuck her tongue to him as he cuffed her again.

Okay I'm kinda confused here because Reggie literally threatened to kill her before but now she's just teasing him like this?? Perhaps she's acting illogically because she's still in shock about being kidnapped, or her personality is just that she's brave or snarky enough to do that, but right now I feel like there isn't enough explanation for this. This could just be me, though, of course. ^^'

Overall, this is an interesting novel, and I've enjoyed reading it so far! I hope you have a wonderful day/night =D

Keep writing, and stay minty fresh!




NadyaStatham says...


Hey Mint! Thank you so much for this detailed review. I appreciate the critiques as much as the praises. This will definitly help me improve when I wrote other chapters ^-^.

Cheers,
Amaya

Ps: Your fox is so cute!



Spearmint says...


You%u2019re welcome!! And hehe thanksss :3



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Tue Feb 13, 2024 3:41 pm
Ley wrote a review...



Yay! Another chapter. Let's get started.

First impressions...

This is my favorite chapter so far (even though I've only reviewed the prologue and chapter 1 xD). The introduction to the cave was seamless, as was the flashback.

When I was reading this I felt...

Sad, for some reason. There was a lot of information you provided in this chapter: Reggie killed someone close to him and Sia, which was probably traumatic to both of them. And then... there was my favorite part-- the flashback. It tugged at my heart strings!

My favorite line/quote is...

The flashback was my favorite because you gave the reader an idea of how Carla and her father used to be close. I wonder what happened?

Also, the language you used during the flashback, I could totally see the scene in my head, and the dialogue was written perfectly.

Some things that could be improved are...

Once again, a ton of grammar mistakes, but they weren't major. Just some missed commas. Otherwise, this chapter was flawless! You're writing style, content... everything was on point! Lovely job.

Overall...

This was a great addition to Diamonds in the Rough! Now I understand why you chose this title xd. Have a great rest of your day and I can't wait to read the next chapter!

With Love,
Leya




NadyaStatham says...


Thanks for the advice Leya. Your reviews are appreciated!




The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown