Young Writers Society

Hey, good job on the poem! You use a lot of repetition which was great when you used words like silence and night, but sometimes you overused words like moonlight. You also could have used a few commas in some places in my opinion, but that's up to you.

I also noticed this one little thing. Throughout the poem you were using words like my, when you are talking about yourself, but in the very last line. "Feel the moonlight approaching to sing again with her heart." You need to change the word her to my.

As someone who likes to stay up late at night and read, I really liked imagery you used and the feeling of being alone at night. Sometimes it felt like you were kinda running out of words and things to say for someone reason. I think it's because you used a lot of repetition in the beginning of the poem, but not a lot in the end.

My favorite part is towards the end.
"It's the sound of the moonlight and my heart
Who are singing a duet
to make me smile
one more time
one more night."
I love the the way you described the sound the moonlight and your heart makes together. That you described it as signing a duet, it was beautiful.

Overall I really enjoyed this poem. You had a few mistakes in a couple places, but that's up to you. I loved all you description and you did a great job on the poem. Can't wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL

Hey! I really like this poem You use a lot of repetition, which I think you used nicely overall, like in the lines "look at the sky and feel.../ Feel the moonlight approaching to sing again with her heart." and And there is silence/ nothing but silence," but sometimes the word "moonlight" can be too repetitive. Perhaps you can replace/describe it as "light spilling from the moon" or whatever else fancies you. I like how you wrote that the moonlight and your heart are sinning a duet - it gives the poem a lighthearted mood. In the line "go closer to the window with fairy tale book" perhaps you can put "a fairy tale book" or "fairy tale books"? It's how I would like it, but of course, it's just a suggestion; you don't have to if you don't like it! Overall, I like the free and fun atmosphere this poem expresses and it's quite beautiful <3

I enjoyed the imagery of this poem. It was well thought and beautiful. I would have liked more complexity in your writing, simplicity is often great but more complex phrasing makes a more interesting read!

I enjoyed the imagery of this poem. It was well thought and beautiful. I would have liked more complexity in your writing, simplicity is often great but more complex phrasing makes a more interesting read!

I liked the free verse. It's grammatically correct, and I enjoyed the simple but beautiful imagery. It has a whimsy to it. I like that. The rhyme scheme is a bit confusing, but such doesn't matter. Good job. I liked the diction. In the future, I hope to see more of these poems. Poems that give hope, and beauty to life.

You have great potential.

- Shay

As someone who loves the night, this was great! It really got the feeling of being alone during a peaceful night. But it almost felt like you were running out of words. Not all poetry has to have flowery language, but specific words and deeper meanings are typically important when writing poetry. There was a lot of repetition (i.e. night, moonlight, light, sky, etc), which isn't always bad, but it didn't read as intentional. When writing poetry, always remember; there is NO shame in thesaurus.com!!!