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Young Writers Society



Prologue- The Evil Queen

by MoonIris


„She murdered people. Hundreds of them.”

„Hundreds? I heard they were thousands”, an old man, barely standing, interrupted the debate between two young men. Robin never understood why these old men were still coming to the tavern. Even more so as „The three little pigs” was known for being loud and thieves would come there often. But Robin wouldn’t know anything about thieves, would he? Still, old Silvester was starting to become quite annoying.

„Lad! Another whiskey!”, the voice of an Irishman resounded. „ Now, where did you hear that, old man?”. He was quite tall, with reddish hair and a beard. His axe was stuck in one of the cracks of the wooden table. He wanted to make sure that the other people knew he was armed.

„Places, places...”

„Do you think people are really following her? I have the feeling they are forced to...”

„Nah. They chose to follow her. It’s the Dark Lands. They don’t think as we do. Not much of a mind, if you ask me.” He takes a noisy sip from his drink. „ Mostly cowards. *hickup* If you ask me. They are afraid to fight her so they follow her. Huh! Cowards...” The Irishman had always despised Cowards. They were the worst kind of mankind, if you can call them that...

„Maybe. Some of them like her ideas, her approach...”

„Of course they do! They’re villains. They live with dragons, ogres and who knows how many other monsters. They are all monsters! They worship a woman with no heart! The Evil Queen...I don’t think there’s any humanity left in her! Only darkness.” Robin was triggered by what the man had said. No heart? How can she have no heart? What kind of dark magic is she using?

„She has no heart?”

„Nah, she is only darkness. Heroes don’t even know her face. She casts shadows made of nightmares before they can even get too close, and her dragon burns everything in her way.”

„Heard she speaks Draconis...”, added Silvester.

„Now that’s impossible. The language has been forbidden, forgotten. The last one that had spoken it was Rumpelstilskin.” Robin didn’t realise at first that Silvester knew the name a little too well...

„Oh!Oh! The name, the name...Dark times...Dark times...” He was so old that he had lived those times. The times of the emperor of evil. He left, lost in his memories.

„The old man, *hickup*, has been around for a while. People say the old pal saw him, the emperor”; the Irishman did not dare say his name. As a matter of fact, Robin was one of the few who weren’t scared by his name.

Horses could be heard in the distance and that was the only signal Robin needed to leave. He left two gold coins on the table and left through the back door. He crossed the woods, he knew the way and no one could keep up with him. No one could keep up with him anywhere. He was always at least five steps before you. The green hood that he was wearing got lost among the trees. He was like smoke, and he made sure you would only try to catch him with your bare hands.


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Tue Mar 30, 2021 3:57 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...really loving this prologue here on first glance. This story looks like its full of things that I really love to see in a story...should be fun going forward here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

„She murdered people. Hundreds of them.”

„Hundreds? I heard they were thousands”, an old man, barely standing, interrupted the debate between two young men. Robin never understood why these old men were still coming to the tavern. Even more so as „The three little pigs” was known for being loud and thieves would come there often. But Robin wouldn’t know anything about thieves, would he? Still, old Silvester was starting to become quite annoying.


Well that's quite an entertaining opening. I really like the name of that bar for sure...also quite fun to talk about possibly thousands of murders too...so that always make for quite a fun start too.

„Lad! Another whiskey!”, the voice of an Irishman resounded. „ Now, where did you hear that, old man?”. He was quite tall, with reddish hair and a beard. His axe was stuck in one of the cracks of the wooden table. He wanted to make sure that the other people knew he was armed.

„Places, places...”


Not sure sticking an axe into a crack is the best way to make sure you can draw it out quickly. But it definitely brings in the intimidation points so that is a plus I suppose, well interesting character nonetheless.

„Do you think people are really following her? I have the feeling they are forced to...”

„Nah. They chose to follow her. It’s the Dark Lands. They don’t think as we do. Not much of a mind, if you ask me.” He takes a noisy sip from his drink. „ Mostly cowards. *hickup* If you ask me. They are afraid to fight her so they follow her. Huh! Cowards...” The Irishman had always despised Cowards. They were the worst kind of mankind, if you can call them that...

„Maybe. Some of them like her ideas, her approach...”


Well those are some quite fun names getting thrown around all over the place....this prologue is proving to be quite interesting so far.

„Of course they do! They’re villains. They live with dragons, ogres and who knows how many other monsters. They are all monsters! They worship a woman with no heart! The Evil Queen...I don’t think there’s any humanity left in her! Only darkness.” Robin was triggered by what the man had said. No heart? How can she have no heart? What kind of dark magic is she using?

„She has no heart?”


It is always quite a lot of fun when darkness gets involved in these schemes, looks like we're talking about someone that's quite horrible...I guess that's all very clearly mentioned right there in that title.

„Nah, she is only darkness. Heroes don’t even know her face. She casts shadows made of nightmares before they can even get too close, and her dragon burns everything in her way.”

„Heard she speaks Draconis...”, added Silvester.

„Now that’s impossible. The language has been forbidden, forgotten. The last one that had spoken it was Rumpelstilskin.” Robin didn’t realise at first that Silvester knew the name a little too well...


Oh dear...we're going right for some of the really crazy names, love that. And a forbidden language, those are also always so much fun. Well this is going really well so far, its full of elements that I love to read in a story.

„Oh!Oh! The name, the name...Dark times...Dark times...” He was so old that he had lived those times. The times of the emperor of evil. He left, lost in his memories.

„The old man, *hickup*, has been around for a while. People say the old pal saw him, the emperor”; the Irishman did not dare say his name. As a matter of fact, Robin was one of the few who weren’t scared by his name.


More intriguing news I see....loving all of this conversation so far.

Horses could be heard in the distance and that was the only signal Robin needed to leave. He left two gold coins on the table and left through the back door. He crossed the woods, he knew the way and no one could keep up with him. No one could keep up with him anywhere. He was always at least five steps before you. The green hood that he was wearing got lost among the trees. He was like smoke, and he made sure you would only try to catch him with your bare hands.


Well...there we go...looks like we're going off here on quite an adventure to get things underway. I would say this prologue has been quite a success.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this is set to be quite a story. This prologue has pretty much everything that you want to see in a prologue. And yup, that's about all I gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




MoonIris says...


Thank you for the review! :)



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Fri Mar 05, 2021 7:24 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi MoonIris,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

A very short prologue that gives you all the info you need to throw yourself right into an exciting adventure. You tell it in a very good tone, almost like the beginning of a film where you see characters sitting around a table talking about the plot or some shady doings.

I also find it exciting that this Evil Queen doesn't have a heart and hope that more can be experienced in the following chapters. I also like the fact that she only has the title "Evil Queen" so far. That leaves room for speculation.


You have a good way of doing your dialogues, as already mentioned above, it seems like a typical bar scene, which I think you managed very well. It really gives that feeling of listening to some drunkards chatting about fairy tales and secrets without thinking about the consequences.
You also do a good job of including Robin, who is probably the main character. You ask a lot of questions that the reader is interested in, which is very good and important for a prologue.

In some places you see some spelling mistakes in terms of punctuation in direct speech. Since I'm not a master at it myself, I can't give you any tips now. Just read over it again and it should work :D

In short, it's a very successful prologue, and I'm looking forward to reading what happens next. The story gave me the same feeling as in the pirate novel "Treasure Island", where the action also begins in a tavern. Hope this is the start of a great adventure!

Mailice.




MoonIris says...


Thank you for the review! :)



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Fri Mar 05, 2021 6:00 pm
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BEASTtheHUN wrote a review...



Woah. Where's the rest, I feel like a dog chasing its tail. That's all, that was amazing, I need more than that. Yo, you gotta tag me on the next chapter, because that was amazing. Simply stunning leaves me feeling like I've seen this before. Read so many books like it. You make me want to meet robin, and evil queen,(or not, she might vaporize me,) but still, I loved it.




MoonIris says...


I'm really glad you like it! I'll tag you :)




Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
— Adrian Mitchell