Young Writers Society

Heya MoonIris,

Shady here with a quick review for you this fine evening! Let's get started...

I’m laying in bed,

my music is loud,

but only I can hear it.

I got a lump in my throat

because I know I’m going to sing the words wrong,

but that doesn’t stop me.

Hello!

VioletFantasy here to give you a review. This poem is really sweet and has a carefree vibe to it. Listening to music that you like is one of the best things in the world! The music just completely envelops you. I think you explained this concept in a beautiful and understandable way.

My smile is brighter than the stars

as my favorite part is coming ,

and I sing along.

I get a really suffocating image from this poem. I see a person laying on their bed with headphones in, taking one headphone out to check that you can't hear it from outside, and then singing along to their favorite part in whispers.

The line that says "I know I'm going to sing the words wrong" shows that even though this person is trying to feel carefree, like they are the only ones who can hear the music so it shouldn't matter, they are still nervous about being judged by someone. There is still someone who will judge their singing as "wrong".

I think the theme lying beneath this poem is powerful, tangled, and confusing. I think you are a smart author to tackle such a theme.

I hope that you will keep working this poem. This is the first image to come out from writing about this theme. There are more to be found. You can see a new image start to emerge when you end the poem with "clouds made of music/ and roads of joy". There is a new world waiting to be explored beyond these images. What do these clouds mean for the speaker of the poem? If there are roads of joy waiting, where will they take the speaker? And is she really travelling away on them, or will we end up right back in her bedroom?

I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to you as you work to improve this poem!

Let me know if you have any questions.

Hannah

Heya! Gem here with a quick review for review day.

Pros

I love that it’s so short and simple but at the same time so touching. Just enjoying the little things in life, like, as described in the poem, your favorite song playing. I can practically feel the carefreeness, especially in this line:

because I know I’m going to sing the words wrong,

but that doesn’t stop me.

because I know I’m going to sing the words wrong,

because I know the words’ll be sung wrong,

but that fails to stop me.