Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Fantasy


Blood of wolf

by MoonIris


Howling to the moon,

like a wolf.

Staring at the stars,

trying to understand there enigmatic way of being.                                                                                                                                                               

My breath steams on the window.

The crisp of the outside doesn't let me open it,

but it's to warm to stay so far away,

from the diamond of the sky.                                                                                                                    

Feeling the hard floor, 

under my feet.

Wishing it was the spring turf.

And a cold shiver goes up my arms.                                                                                                    

I have blood of wolf,

a free spirit,

who's straightforward,

and bows to the night.                                                                                                                           

The night, 

that brings peace to my soul,

The blackness of it,

washes away the wistful,

that's in my heart.                                                                                                                                

Until I wake up,

I'm human again,

But just for a second,

just until dusk.

Then, I change in to the wolf

That everybody fears                                                                                                             


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 9
Reviews: 67

Donate
Wed Apr 29, 2020 6:09 am
brookeallo wrote a review...



Hi, I am gonna hive a quick review. First off, I really enjoyed this poem. There's a unique way of writing and it's really descriptive. There is lots of energy. I think overall there is such a message underneath using a wolf as a symbol. It seems as if they are showing that they have a "wolf" or bad side that people are scared off, and this only shows up at dusk. There wasn't much of a rhyme scheme too it but that's okay not all poems have to rhyme but it might make it more fun to read if there is a little flow to it. There were a lot of really good words used such as enigmatic.




MoonIris says...


Hey! I'm not that good with rhymes so I prefer not to add them, but I do have a poem with some and I want to try adding to others too. I'm glad you liked it!



User avatar
119 Reviews


Points: 10789
Reviews: 119

Donate
Tue Apr 28, 2020 10:06 pm
Clairia wrote a review...



Hi, there! I'm Clairia, here to review.

Wolves are so fascinating to experiment with; especially whilst writing. Feeling that raw need for freedom is something a lot of us have experienced--whether it be from something buried within our personal lives or simply the struggle of every day life. You captured the essence of that concept and turned it into something that was quite nice to read. It's always interesting to see writers' different interpretations of certain situations.

Moving on to critiques, I found a few grammatical/spelling/capitalization errors that I'd like to correct for you. I'll simply copy and paste your poem under the spoiler, and anything that needs fixing will be in this font.

Errors

Spoiler! :

Howling to the moon

like a wolf

Staring at the stars

trying to understand there enigmatic way of being

My breath steams on the window

The crisp of the outside doesn't let me open it

but it's to warm to stay so far away

from the diamond of the sky

Feeling the hard floor

under my feet

Wishing it was the spring turf

And a cold shiver goes up my arms

I have blood of wolf

a free spirit

who's straightforward

and bows to the night

The night,

that brings peace to my soul

The blackness of it,

washes away the wistful

that's in my heart

Until I wake up,

I'm human again,

But just for a second

just until dusk

Then, I change in to the wolf

That evrybody fears


Revised
Spoiler! :

Howling to the moon

like a wolf

staring at the stars

trying to understand their enigmatic way of being

my breath steams on the window

the crisp of the outside doesn't let me open it

but it's too warm to stay so far away

from the diamond of the sky

feeling the hard floor

under my feet

wishing it was the spring turf

and a cold shiver goes up my arms

I have blood of wolf

a free spirit

who's straightforward

and bows to the night

the night,

that brings peace to my soul

the blackness of it,

washes away the wistful

that's in my heart

until I wake up,

I'm human again,

but just for a second

just until dusk

then, I change into the wolf

that everybody fears


As you can see, the errors depicted by the red in the first spoiler have been corrected in the revised version. Nothing huge--just minor fixes.
I do wonder, though, if you capitalized because you meant that a new line/sentence was beginning? If that's the case, periods are allowed in poetry. They would justify your random capitalization as well.

On another note, your imagery is minor, but effective. You kept a very steady flow throughout your piece, which as a reader and as a reviewer I liked seeing. The only thing I could effectively critique, quite honestly, was the grammatical mistakes. It would be unfair for me to make assumptions about your concept, because only the writer truly knows what they mean <3

Thank you for sharing!

Clairia




MoonIris says...


Hi! Thank you for pointing out the mistakes. I did had a random capitalization because I also had stanzas. I'll try to fix that in order to make it better. I'm glad you understood that it was about freedom. :)



User avatar
29 Reviews


Points: 196
Reviews: 29

Donate
Tue Apr 28, 2020 9:58 pm
DeliriumNervosa wrote a review...



Hi MoonIris,

Just thought I would stop by and leave a review on your poem.
I thought this was a wonderfully written piece and I enjoyed reading it. It conveys a lot of emotion and the secret longing to be free and give in to our natural urges/instincts.

I did notice at the end you have written 'evrybody' but it should be 'everybody'.
The other thing I noticed while reading was the lack of punctuation. There are a few spots where a full stop is needed and others where a comma is needed.

When you say
"I have blood of wolf a free spirit"

You should have a full stop after wolf and again after spirit. This will help to convey a stronger message and puts emphasis and meaning on these sentences. They are strong and powerful words. You are owning this feeling. Your writing needs to reflect the intention it was written with.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

-Delirium Nervosa




MoonIris says...


Thank you for the review! I'll make the changes you suggested. Originally I also had stanzas but for some reason they aren't anymore. Do you know how I could make sure they stay?





Hi MoonIris,
I believe it is something to do with your formatting? When you go to write or edit your piece, play around with the formatting and see how you go? I wish I could offer more advice, however I am still fairly new to this site as well!



MoonIris says...


Thanks!




Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus