Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Mystery / Suspense

12+

LoaMR: Ch.X: Return 3

by MailicedeNamedy


When the three friends stopped in a corner of the library, Claire spoke up. She had wanted to say it for those eternally long minutes.

Freiberg. Erlenbrunnen. Erlenbrunnen at Freiberg. Since Kapellengarten she knew the name, since Pfalzburg the appearance. The magical, attractive image on the window mosaic of Pfalzburg's main station.

With few words, she tried to sum herself up, huffed at the beginning because of the big show, was able to tone down when Emma made her sit down and saw her wound.

Claire ignored the worries of both and continued with her description. The little she knew helped them a lot.

"Who would have thought this picture would be so important?" concluded Emma afterwards, "You already had a sense of our adventure back then!"

Claire smiled sheepishly.

"Now we have to hurry home, this wound looks bad," Martha said motherly.

In the end, Claire could not defend herself. Only Emma's complaint about the walk irritated Martha a little. She had no eyes for her friend and pulled Claire's hand in front of her. This care did not sit well with her. Claire didn't want to be so pampered, didn't want to be the centre of attention, nevertheless she liked it and tried to show the wound in small sections visibly unconsciously to Emma.

Yet Claire was hardly indulged. The injuries she inflicted on herself in childhood had all disappeared when her aunt stroked them with her hand. There was no bandage or plaster. And Martha hardly knew Claire and yet she acted as if they had been friends for a long time.

Her skills as a nurse proved their worth. Martha cleaned the wound in the kitchen and put a new bandage on it. Her uncle appreciated this talent when he hurt himself.

Claire felt the comforting warmth with which Martha had cared for her. Ashamedly, she suspected that a simple thank you could not have been enough to her deed. With a shy whisper, Claire thanked her several times.

In Martha´s room, they made up several theories that Léonard could be living in the Melaten castle. They could only reach correct conclusions when it was bedtime.

***

Emma crept into Claire's room. She knew Claire was not asleep.

"How is your hand?" she asked into the penumbra.

"It feels better."

"How did this even happen?"

"I cut myself on a piece of glass. At the villa," she replied.

"I hope it heals quickly. Can you write?"

"To a certain extent. It hurts a bit. And I probably won't play the violin for a while either," Claire murmured.

"That's a shame."

"I don't have it with me anyway," she pouted.

"I've been thinking."

"Again?" Claire remarked.

"Yes. That Melaten thing. I'm absolutely sure that Léonard lives there. The note confirms it! You know, when his ancestor came to Sehlingen, the inhabitants tried to find out where he came from and they found out nothing about him. That might have something to do with Mrs Wildt telling us that this house or castle is in a dense forest."

"But why hasn't it been found? We live in a time where everything is discovered."

"I know. I think it's somewhere in the Northern Tree Line. Grandfather says it's very dense and wide when you travel towards Berlyne-"

Emma broke off when she realised that Claire was suddenly sitting next to her. The sombre eyes reminded her of a cat.

"Would you like to travel there? But how? The librarian said Erlenbrunnen is a closed city. We can't get in there easily."

"Listen, we don't have to go into town! We just have to get as far as nearby and eventually look for Melaten."

"Isn't that the problem? Looking for a house in a dense forest with no clues? Do you think we'll ever find it? Besides, we don't know for sure if Léonard lives there. Whether he'll be home when we get there, whether he'll want to see us. Maybe he wanted to get rid of us when we rode out of Kapellen Castle."

"You're so pessimistic. Be a little more undaunted!" Emma encouraged her friend, "The tale says that all children find it."

"You forget it's a fairy tale."

Silence was in the room. A dog barked outside.

"We'll manage! He wanted to leave quickly with the book, he knew that nothing would happen to us! And it did. “

"Emma, Léonard is not looking for the book," Claire confessed to her.

"What, how do you know?"

"He had told me on the phone in Regenschloss when I asked him. But I don't know what he's looking for..." she replied, "I forgot to tell you."

Emma was silent for a while.

"That makes it even more exciting, don't you think? What is he looking for? What does he want to protect from the abbey?"

"I don't think he'll give that away so easily," Claire said.

"Think positive!" Emma cheered up her friend, "Think of all we've already done! We have travelled alone!"

"You mean the train ride to Pfalzburg? We were picked up there and knew our destination. Now you are literally roaming through the night to convince me to march to Erlenbrunnen. How are you going to travel all the way there anyway? “

"On foot," Emma smiled, "Wait before you say anything! I was looking at a map earlier! If we walk along the river from here, we'll get to Eldingen eventually."

Claire realised her thoughts.

"Didn't you once claim that this river goes straight for a hundred miles and there's nothing there?"

"Right."

"Do you know what a hundred miles is? We can't walk that easily!"

"But it's not a hundred miles to there! We are somewhere in between. If we pull ourselves together, we can do it! I reckoned it would take us two days."

Emma felt the unconvinced eyes.

"Three days," she admitted briefly.

"Emma, it's time you go to sleep. You're not thinking straight," Claire said in a commanding voice.

Emma knew she had lost. When Claire changed her monotone voice, she had to think about everything herself.

"Good night."

"Wishing you a pleasant night's sleep,” Claire answered.

As the door closed, Claire's mind began to spin.

Emma thinks too much in black and white. Doesn't she worry about later?

No, why should she? Worrying about something you don't know is wrong.

How are we going to explain it to her grandfather?

You didn't tell your father when you left Regenschloss.

How are we going to get there on foot? Where should we spend the night?

In the open air, where else?

What if Léonard really isn't there?

He is here.

What is it about this closed city? If we get captured, it's all over. Or we get lost in the forest. The weather can't always play along.

Isn't that what you call an adventure? The uncertain, the great, the unknown something?

The longer she raised arguments against the trip, the more pessimistic she became. The voice in her head, on the other hand, developed from a small rut into a full-blown fire. The allure of the unknown lay behind it. Wasn't that what she wanted to achieve? Didn't she want to be free by travelling somewhere where there was hardly anyone? With her only friend?

***

Claire had slumbered badly.

She dreamt of a ghost wandering around her room and asking her to leave. Awakened from the nightmare, she retreated under the blankets and was only able to nod off when the sun's rays began to rise.

She didn't realise how long it had been since she had slept in her own bed and agreed with everyone who said that the best place to sleep was at home.

It was excellent summer weather. It was almost too humid. The residents avoided the shadeless places.

The mayor was enjoying a walk through the park with his eldest daughter. She was licking a popsicle, he in a monologue about his future marriage to the son of some landowner.

The three met at the pond, wanted to feed the ducks. But they had no bread with them. Martha had started her first day at the library today and came rushing to Emma right after she finished work after she was waiting in front of Emma´s home and getting the info from grandpa von Preuß.

There, she first examined Claire's wound and had brought new bandages. The cut looked better; the healing progressed quickly. During this time, Martha talked a little about her job and named so many authors that in the end she no longer knew which hand Claire had injured.

Emma then spoke of her coming adventure, forgetting to ask Claire for her opinion.

Did she change her mind last night or did she go straight to sleep?

"You can ride a boat on the river," Martha joked, "You'll get faster to Eldingen."

Emma saw it as a witty suggestion to use a fishing boat and lit up.

"This way we can save our legs!"

"Can you row?" Claire interrupted the conversation.

"No," Emma drooled, "Why do you have to break everything? “

"I haven't at all. You think far too hastily and forget the essentials!"

"Maybe so! But at least I'm thinking positive!"

"That has nothing to do with it! You are running away from your duties! What do you really want? Do you have any idea what you're going to do once you find him!? What good will it do us?"

"I want to live with him!" Emma cried.

Claire squinted at her.

"You're crazy!"

Emma said nothing. Martha stood between the two of them and kept them apart. The brief growing anger at Emma's blindness drove Claire to despair. Why was she getting so upset so quickly? Was it the lack of sleep?

"Emma... I'm sorry..."

Emma smiled self-consciously.

"Maybe I do act rashly sometimes. Sorry."

It took a while for them to find each other. Claire spoke a little, saying that she would agree to travel with them to the Melaten estate, then go to Berlyne. Emma agreed to this pact. At the same time, Claire had to admit to herself that this would be a farewell for a long time. Emma´s wish was indeed to stay with Léonard.

Emma had no idea that he already had a fiancée...

END OF CHAPTER X

To Chapter XI.1.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
2544 Reviews


Points: 265445
Reviews: 2544

Donate
Wed Nov 03, 2021 6:57 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy..so this part was a slightly mixed one for me, but I think for the most part I did actually like it. There were some interesting moments in the mystery around Léonard, and also the parts I liked the most, and those were those little moments where the friendship between these three got to shine through. :D

Anyway let's get right to it,

When the three friends stopped in a corner of the library, Claire spoke up. She had wanted to say it for those eternally long minutes.

Freiberg. Erlenbrunnen. Erlenbrunnen at Freiberg. Since Kapellengarten she knew the name, since Pfalzburg the appearance. The magical, attractive image on the window mosaic of Pfalzburg's main station.

With few words, she tried to sum herself up, huffed at the beginning because of the big show, was able to tone down when Emma made her sit down and saw her wound.

Claire ignored the worries of both and continued with her description. The little she knew helped them a lot.

"Who would have thought this picture would be so important?" concluded Emma afterwards, "You already had a sense of our adventure back then!"


Okayy....so the picture comes back to the story and becomes important...hmm, well I can say honestly I did not spot the connection at all, but I was hoping that it would eventually connect to something and that did end up happening so I'm happy here...xD

Claire smiled sheepishly.

"Now we have to hurry home, this wound looks bad," Martha said motherly.

In the end, Claire could not defend herself. Only Emma's complaint about the walk irritated Martha a little. She had no eyes for her friend and pulled Claire's hand in front of her. This care did not sit well with her. Claire didn't want to be so pampered, didn't want to be the centre of attention, nevertheless she liked it and tried to show the wound in small sections visibly unconsciously to Emma.

Yet Claire was hardly indulged. The injuries she inflicted on herself in childhood had all disappeared when her aunt stroked them with her hand. There was no bandage or plaster. And Martha hardly knew Claire and yet she acted as if they had been friends for a long time.


Okayy....I feel like I missed a moment somewhere here cause if I remember correctly Claire never revealed her injury. Maybe they spotted the obvious swelling on her hand on the way to the library but I still feel like that moment maybe should've been acknowledged. Here we get a wonderful moment with Martha helping poor Claire out and treating her like a proper friend should, but instead of enjoying this part, I'm wondering when they found out...

Her skills as a nurse proved their worth. Martha cleaned the wound in the kitchen and put a new bandage on it. Her uncle appreciated this talent when he hurt himself.

Claire felt the comforting warmth with which Martha had cared for her. Ashamedly, she suspected that a simple thank you could not have been enough to her deed. With a shy whisper, Claire thanked her several times.

In Martha´s room, they made up several theories that Léonard could be living in the Melaten castle. They could only reach correct conclusions when it was bedtime.


Well...that's a fun little moment to end on. Something for the three girls to smile about after a long time...and ahhhhhhhh even though its Léonard who gets mentioned there at the end, I am happy that our trio is feeling somewhat happy here.

"I hope it heals quickly. Can you write?"

"To a certain extent. It hurts a bit. And I probably won't play the violin for a while either," Claire murmured.

"That's a shame."

"I don't have it with me anyway," she pouted.

"I've been thinking."

"Again?" Claire remarked.


Hmm, so this is when they finally have a bit of a conversation about the injury...so it does indeed look like it was only accidentally spotted. Well, I'm going to file away all this little bits of information about her writing capabilities for future use. Let's see where things turn to next.

"Yes. That Melaten thing. I'm absolutely sure that Léonard lives there. The note confirms it! You know, when his ancestor came to Sehlingen, the inhabitants tried to find out where he came from and they found out nothing about him. That might have something to do with Mrs Wildt telling us that this house or castle is in a dense forest."

"But why hasn't it been found? We live in a time where everything is discovered."

"I know. I think it's somewhere in the Northern Tree Line. Grandfather says it's very dense and wide when you travel towards Berlyne-"

Emma broke off when she realised that Claire was suddenly sitting next to her. The sombre eyes reminded her of a cat.


Okayy....so we've got them really getting deep into this place now. I got the feeling this was supposed to be an entirely fantastical place until this moment, but maybe its not so much of a fantasy after all...I really don't think I'm certain enough about things to tell though. :D

"Isn't that the problem? Looking for a house in a dense forest with no clues? Do you think we'll ever find it? Besides, we don't know for sure if Léonard lives there. Whether he'll be home when we get there, whether he'll want to see us. Maybe he wanted to get rid of us when we rode out of Kapellen Castle."

"You're so pessimistic. Be a little more undaunted!" Emma encouraged her friend, "The tale says that all children find it."

"You forget it's a fairy tale."

Silence was in the room. A dog barked outside.


Hmm, well I suppose the fairy tale theory is not unique to me...xD but well, this should certainly be an interesting journey if they do manage to agree on actually travelling to this place. A hidden castle in the middle of a dangerou forest sounds like a great place to try and visit....very dangerous but considering the terrible decision this trio has already made, this can't be much worse and at least its guaranteed to be interesting.

"He had told me on the phone in Regenschloss when I asked him. But I don't know what he's looking for..." she replied, "I forgot to tell you."

Emma was silent for a while.

"That makes it even more exciting, don't you think? What is he looking for? What does he want to protect from the abbey?"

"I don't think he'll give that away so easily," Claire said.

"Think positive!" Emma cheered up her friend, "Think of all we've already done! We have travelled alone!"


Oh wow, Emma's fangirling over Léonard is genuinely starting to get more annoying than Léonard himself. I feel like maybe her personality is much too based on him by this point. With Claire we see so much more to her with her hopes and dreams and complicated relationship with her relatives, Martha isn't really that big of a part in this story by this point, but Emma just always seems to only be defined by her obsession with Léonard and very rarely do we get to see something unique to her. I feel like we need to see her a little more as an individual rather beyond just her obsession with Léonard.

"You mean the train ride to Pfalzburg? We were picked up there and knew our destination. Now you are literally roaming through the night to convince me to march to Erlenbrunnen. How are you going to travel all the way there anyway? “

"On foot," Emma smiled, "Wait before you say anything! I was looking at a map earlier! If we walk along the river from here, we'll get to Eldingen eventually."

Claire realised her thoughts.

"Didn't you once claim that this river goes straight for a hundred miles and there's nothing there?"


Are they seriously about to try and walk a hundred miles here? This is one is genuinely crazy enough that I might actually like it. There are good ideas, there are bad ideas and then there are ideas that are soo bad that they're good, and three people attempting to walk a hundred miles without ever doing anything close to that before is that third category. :D

"Right."

"Do you know what a hundred miles is? We can't walk that easily!"

"But it's not a hundred miles to there! We are somewhere in between. If we pull ourselves together, we can do it! I reckoned it would take us two days."

Emma felt the unconvinced eyes.

"Three days," she admitted briefly.

"Emma, it's time you go to sleep. You're not thinking straight," Claire said in a commanding voice.

Emma knew she had lost. When Claire changed her monotone voice, she had to think about everything herself.


Well...yeah, Claire is being the voice of reason here, as well...she always is the voice of reason I think, unless when it comes to her own problems, with her own problems she can be a bit less rational sometimes. Well...anyway let's hope Emma doesn't actually try something that sounds quite that crazy.

How are we going to explain it to her grandfather?

You didn't tell your father when you left Regenschloss.

How are we going to get there on foot? Where should we spend the night?

In the open air, where else?

What if Léonard really isn't there?

He is here.

What is it about this closed city? If we get captured, it's all over. Or we get lost in the forest. The weather can't always play along.


OKayy...well despite her complete refusal to Emma, it looks like Claire is almost half considering it here judging by these thoughts. It doesn't look like its an idea that she's completely rejected here.

Claire had slumbered badly.

She dreamt of a ghost wandering around her room and asking her to leave. Awakened from the nightmare, she retreated under the blankets and was only able to nod off when the sun's rays began to rise.

She didn't realise how long it had been since she had slept in her own bed and agreed with everyone who said that the best place to sleep was at home.

It was excellent summer weather. It was almost too humid. The residents avoided the shadeless places.

The mayor was enjoying a walk through the park with his eldest daughter. She was licking a popsicle, he in a monologue about his future marriage to the son of some landowner.


Okayyy..well I don't know if perhaps that dream especially has any sort of secret message, but this is an interesting little scene to drop us into next. We've got a rather tranquil moment almost after that slight argument about what to do and all the excitement around all of that.

There, she first examined Claire's wound and had brought new bandages. The cut looked better; the healing progressed quickly. During this time, Martha talked a little about her job and named so many authors that in the end she no longer knew which hand Claire had injured.

Emma then spoke of her coming adventure, forgetting to ask Claire for her opinion.

Did she change her mind last night or did she go straight to sleep?

"You can ride a boat on the river," Martha joked, "You'll get faster to Eldingen."

Emma saw it as a witty suggestion to use a fishing boat and lit up.


Okayy...well good to see Claire's injury getting the kind of attention that it deserves there, but also well...it looks like they aren't giving up just yet on the whole idea of travelling those hundred miles are they? This boat thing, if they can find someone to help them maneuver one of those cause I don't know if the girls themselves know how to operate a boat, could actually work.

"This way we can save our legs!"

"Can you row?" Claire interrupted the conversation.

"No," Emma drooled, "Why do you have to break everything? “

"I haven't at all. You think far too hastily and forget the essentials!"


Yeah....well that sounds like a couple of friends I already have, so no surprises with the direction this conversation took, well let's hope they don't argue too much about this and cause Emma to do something that she will definitely regret like running away all by herself.

"I want to live with him!" Emma cried.

Claire squinted at her.

"You're crazy!"


That is very accurate...cause that is simply just...I only have one word...WHY?

Emma said nothing. Martha stood between the two of them and kept them apart. The brief growing anger at Emma's blindness drove Claire to despair. Why was she getting so upset so quickly? Was it the lack of sleep?

"Emma... I'm sorry..."

Emma smiled self-consciously.

"Maybe I do act rashly sometimes. Sorry."

It took a while for them to find each other. Claire spoke a little, saying that she would agree to travel with them to the Melaten estate, then go to Berlyne. Emma agreed to this pact. At the same time, Claire had to admit to herself that this would be a farewell for a long time. Emma´s wish was indeed to stay with Léonard.

Emma had no idea that he already had a fiancée...


Okay...so its gotten to that point now, its no longer just Léonard is a mysterious person who has adventures....well this is just getting worse and worse for Emma and I don't even know if I should feel sorry for her. She just continues to ignore everyone's attempts to help and just her own mind as well...also the narrator really dropping a bit of a burn there towards...chill Mr. Narrator.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a fairly good part I think. A couple of slight concerns, but I did love seeing a few scenes of this trio behaving like actual friends and not just discussing Léonard, especially that moment with the wound. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
351 Reviews


Points: 35746
Reviews: 351

Donate
Tue Oct 26, 2021 12:35 pm
View Likes
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Mailice!

RandomTalks back with another review!

I will be honest. Aa I was reading through this chapter, I wanted to hit myself on the head several times for not drawing the dots earlier. In my defense, the names you use in this story are quite complicated and it is impossible to remember all of them. But I went back to the previous chapter, and indeed Leonard is staying at the Melaten estate. I cannot believe I did not think to look back earlier. Does this mean that the note was written by Leonard? Or maybe the Melaten estate has been used by his family as a hideout for generations? I am not sure but I like how things are really moving ahead now.

Emma seems all prepared for this impossible trek to a place mentioned in a children's fairy tale. It reminded me of when we first met Emma and realized her childlike thought process. Like Claire, I don't think she is really thinking right now. For the readers who know where Leonard is right now, or rather where he was in the previous chapter it is a different thing. But the girls know nothing about this place, how to get there or if it even exists. They don't know who Leonard is or if he really wants them there. Personally , I had always thought that Leonard sees them as a part of his game. He did feel guilty for leaving them like that back at the castle, but I am not sure how much of it we should take to heart. Because I am sure if the situation demanded it, he would do it again. And I am not sure what kind of a person that makes him.

To be honest I think this whole thing is insane. Of course, I would love to see them meet again, but if they go on this journey then it would be a true leap of faith, in every sense of the term. Walking for two days is not a logical solution and I am not surprised that Emma is all up for it right now. She is whimsical in nature, and does not really think before acting. It makes me wonder what would have happened to her if Claire and Martha weren't always there to pull her back from her various whims. I guess this is why they work so well. Emma needs someone who would make her think before she acts and Claire needs someone who would pull her out of her thoughts every time she loses herself in them.

I like how these contrasting personalities compliment each other. Before meeting Leonard, Claire would not even have considered Emma's suggestion. But now, even though she thinks it is madness, she is still thinking about it, considering it. Something both these girls have in common is their love for a little thrill and adventure. The fact that Claire is with Emma gives me the consolation that even if they go on this journey at least they would be sensible about it to some extent. I honestly do not what to expect if they do reach Leonard - Emma with all her preparations to live with Leonard will receive the shock of her life when she realizes that he already has a finacee he loves very much. I am having difficulty in imagining them all in the same picture, but it will be interesting once they all get to meet each other. That is for sure.

Overall, this was a really exciting chapter. You have teased the idea for the journey - we are not yet sure if they are actually going to go through with this. Frankly speaking, there is a lot they will have to figure out first, mainly speaking - how they will get there, what they will tell the elders, what they will do if they find him, what they will do if they don't. But the main question for me is, are they really so invested in Leonard and his mystery that they will actually do this?

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!






Thank you very much for your review! :D



User avatar
517 Reviews


Points: 36925
Reviews: 517

Donate
Tue Oct 26, 2021 10:09 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

I do know I am extremely late. Sorry for that. Anyway, into the review. Okay, so now we are connecting things. It really gives me a feeling that the story is going to end very soon but no one knows (except you obviously). Connecting the events that are happening is being very interesting. I am still a bit confused about why exactly Claire was attracted towards the image because it can't be the case that Claire was attracted only to give a foreshadow that the mosaic will be important. I do wonder a lot about why Claire was attracted towards that particular mosaic. There must be a connection between the maiden rose and her and I can't wait to unfurl that.

The relation between Claire and Martha has taken an excellent turn. They do have quite some similarities. Emma wasn't totally wrong. Ah, though not a matter of being afraid, I am a bit afraid that their friendship can be even stronger that what Martha had with Emma.

They could only reach correct conclusions when it was bedtime.

Okay, I don't know if it was intentional, but I think what conclusion they reached was skipped and not in the best way. You could just add anothee activity to distract the readers, I guess.

I liked how childish Emma was in this part. Travelling such a long distance on foot actually sounds insane, to be honest. However, where there is will, there is a way. I just hope they will be able to find a better and more practical way to go to Melaten state. Like though Emma seema to be the most cheerful here, I do assume that if she walks even half of the actual way, she can't walk any longer. The voice in Claire's brain is an interesting voice. I like how the voice encouraged her a lot and also I got some foreshadowing there. The voice was sure that Leonard was there. And obviously, he is there as we saw in the last chapter. I mean he was there in the last chapter. Maybe he has gone elsewhere. Who knows.

Andd Emma is going back to the previous Emma. She again wants to go to Leonard and wants to live witn him. Obviously, this is not going to happen as we have seen how much Leonard loves his fiancée. I am not very sure but I do think travelling by boat can be something. What if they find one person to row in return of an adventure? There are thousands of people who love adventure. In the last part, Claire's mood transformation was a bit abrupt, I think. One or two more thoughts of Claire in between can fix it.

I wonder what Emma is gonna do after figuring out the truth. Claire's father will be upset with Claire, especially after his intuition power told that someone good is going to happen. Who knows, perhaps he did expect her daughter to come. I guess Claire will never really reach Berlyne, unless with Leonard.

Keep Wriring!!

~Forever





To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.
— Tony Dorsett