Young Writers Society

Hi Mailice! Looks like the major plot point in the castle is drawing closer and closer – I am very eager to see what will happen there. Karoline and Stephan’s behaviour in response to Léonard is foreboding. I do however find it good that Claire and Emma have been on good terms recently, as right now I think they are each other’s most trustworthy ally.

Plot and Chapter Structure
Something I liked about this chapter is how the scenes are all from Claire’s point of view. In other chapters, sometimes it makes sense to change point of view between Claire and Léonard, but here I feel the suspense builds up more when we can only see what Claire sees. It leaves the reader guessing as to what Léonard has planned and what is happening based on the tiny hints that Claire observes while for everyone else, the party is going on.
The introduction confused me a little bit. It starts very general, talking about the last day of novena, and the transition to the castle felt a bit abrupt for me. I hadn’t known that Kapellan Castle was built out of sandstone, so for a while I was wondering if this was a different castle entirely.

"Something came up," he muttered. Passing Emma, he bellowed to the du Murnaux: "Are you done admiring cars?"
The siblings were reluctant to come to him and avoided eye contact.

She stumbled over to her friend, "Are you admiring your great dress? It's really wonderful. Mine too, isn't it?"

"Yes, Emma. Wonderful. Shall we go?"

At an unspectacular table, one had to show one's invitation.

The tour guide was one of the court gardeners. Obviously infatuated with his creations, he couldn't resist stopping to tell the visitors the whole story of each tiny flower.

Surrounded by a lattice, one could break one's neck if one had the idea of climbing over without permission.

The madman, as some of his colleagues called him, was a doting shrub lover. Anything that appeared to hurt them had to be kept as far away from the plants as possible.

People jostled to get to the front to try some of everything. Even now, in wartime, he procured everything his heart desired.

The chandeliers, tiny in comparison, were rarely used. The magnificent fireplace was used all the more often.

"They have no maiden roses..." whispered Léonard, a little apart from the group, "No matter how beautiful all these delicate little flowers are, the maiden rose is missing from this place..."

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!!

This portion was certainly interesting! I like the introduction to the castle, and I'm excited to see the party in full swing! You described the castle very nicely— it sounds absolutely gorgeous. I'm also curious about Léonard's maiden rose comment in the garden— I definitely had one of those moments where you noticed the title (or in this case, part of the title) in the actual body of the work. I wonder if that was what he was looking for at Kapellen Castle, or if there's something else he's got an eye out for...

I would say that there might be a bit of excessive detail in this chapter, as other reviews have mentioned. It's all very well written, of course, it's just a matter of how much of it is necessary. If I'm being honest, I didn't see much plot-furthering stuff in this section, and while I'm aware that this is part of the larger chapter eight, it is a long stretch to just have very low energy. I'd recommend maybe cutting it down, or putting the readers more in the moment. Dialogue is a great way to do that. It'd be nice to take a break from the heavy description to check in with how the characters are doing or even how they're interacting with their surroundings.

Specifics

The madman, as some of his colleagues called him, was a doting shrub lover. Anything that appeared to hurt them had to be kept as far away from the plants as possible. Truly a madman. Not only his colleagues have been calling him that since New Year.

Unfortunately, they saw the unfriendly woman called Wenteslaugen instead. She was talking to the mayor of Kapellengarten, a plump character in an incongruous black lounge suit.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayyy....soo, I feel like this whole thing was a nice little setup chapter at first glance. There were some nice moments of mystery but they were all very hidden and completely overshadowed by some neat descriptions of the other more generic gala stuff. This is maybe the one chapter where all these little details while occasionally dipping into the slightly too much category were for the most part actually good and helpful to the flow of things. This is the sort of events where good amounts of description actually makes things better.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The first day of the new year, of a new decade, gave people a change of weather.

The sky was free of any clouds and of any birds. People saw only the blue, free sky. Even in the morning, there was reason to talk about the warmth. Those who could not afford to go out for a fancy meal tried to dine outside the house and accompany the novena to a glorious conclusion. The birth of the Goddess, creator of the world, was the holiest holiday for the Sagauvelian Empire.

The bright sunlight did not make it easy to locate the sandstone castle. A hallucination would have been easier to find, Stephan said in the car. Léonard managed to get the whole group there in one piece, although he was convinced it was further away.

The turnout of guests was sensational.

They arrived at the castle from all walks of important life. Owner Otto Ludwig von Karolsfelde and his wife, Auguste Charlotte von Löwenburg invited to the annual gala. Money was not an issue. The day was, to begin with, many excursions, talks and fun, while the actual celebration was to begin in the evening, where Otto Ludwig was to give a speech.

Laughter and clinking glasses were heard by the five after Léonard parked his car not far from the main entrance. They were right on the bank of a stream.

What little water there was, shimmered seductively in the slate-grey colours and lured the fish closer to the surface. Claire drearily surveyed her own reflection. It reminded her of Weymouth. It blurred in the waves. Gently they lapped against the shore. The low grass in the shade received its refreshment.

What was I thinking about right now? About later?

The gloomy eyes, black dots on the water could not reflect anything of the sucking emptiness.

"Claire? Claire!" cried Emma.

She stumbled over to her friend, "Are you admiring your great dress? It's really wonderful. Mine too, isn't it?"

"Yes, Emma. Wonderful. Shall we go?"

"Of course."

The background was lined with noise. Some did not miss the opportunity to drive their cars right up to the entrance to let their companions get out.

A staircase past the gate brought one into the gravelly courtyard. Gates made of larch wood were wide open. Claire watched the wide hallway sink into darkness. A fountain with strange figures spewed water incessantly.

Through the people talking in the courtyard, the five reached the castle. One could literally feel the division. Karoline had not spoken a word to Léonard since yesterday. Her brother was just as silent. He seemed to be thinking about something. Emma noticed this because Stephan was actually the one who yapped the most at the breakfast table.

The entrance area was pretty and old-fashioned.

It was more reminiscent of an old manor house than a castle. Nevertheless, the entire complex was small-scale. The gardens took up most of it.

Besides the actual residence with a round tower separately, there were two houses near the entrances ready for the servants. A barn, a mill and some greenhouses were the remaining buildings in the valley.

At an unspectacular table, one had to show one's invitation. Léonard strutted there with feigned friendliness and an unusually open smile. In the process, he almost pushed the guests aside. Emma followed him.

While he was talking to the man in the tailcoat, the siblings were discussing mysteriously away from their friends. When he returned, he pushed them all outside.

The sound of the birds was sadly drowned out by the cars. Through the lattice gate, one could see into the Great Garden. Some aristocratic people were wandering around. Surprised and perplexed by the natural world here, they later treated themselves to a few glasses of wine.

"Can I have one?" asked Claire humbly.

"Sure."

Emma no longer thought about the fact that she was now smoking and shook her head. Something else came out of her mouth.

"Who is this Murrhardt? The man called you that. “

"A friend," he stated confidently, "He got the invitation for us."

"Didn't he want to come?"

"Something came up," he muttered. Passing Emma, he bellowed to the du Murnaux: "Are you done admiring cars?"

The siblings were reluctant to come to him and avoided eye contact.

"Garden, stalls or straight to the banquet?"

The tour guide was one of the court gardeners. Obviously infatuated with his creations, he couldn't resist stopping to tell the visitors the whole story of each tiny flower.

As the largest of the palace's grounds, it was blessed with all kinds of genera. Rose arches and small fountains, between elegantly trimmed hedges, sunflowers, and other plants. Surrounded by a lattice, one could break one's neck if one had the idea of climbing over without permission.

The middle-aged man, as well dressed as he rarely was, told about some of the rose families they grew here. The crowd listened intently, even though they had never thought so much about botany.

He was slightly worried. There were more guests than expected. At the same time, it allowed him to be even more inconspicuous in the castle. Full of anticipation for the coming meeting with his fiancée, he already thought he had everything behind him.

The almost two dozen people of the group became smaller before his eyes. He had been forgotten.

Digressing from the actual main topic, the gardener had to be brought back to the local world for a short time. The botanical names did not bring very many contented minds to the group. How, when no one knew anything about the flora?

Léonard's cigarette was literally destroyed shortly after the gardener saw him coming back to the group. He didn't just get upset, he accused everyone present of complicity. The madman, as some of his colleagues called him, was a doting shrub lover. Anything that appeared to hurt them had to be kept as far away from the plants as possible. Truly a madman. Not only his colleagues have been calling him that since New Year.

Emma sat on a unique bench. Her left foot was being massaged by her. It was the first time she wore shoes with (small) heels. She felt more comfortable in her ankle boots.

"There will be food soon," Karoline comforted her sympathetically.

It was the first time she had communicated. A troop of servants with two horses passed them. A young couple treated themselves to a ride.

"That's what I want to do! Riding! "Emma said euphorically and forgot all about the pain in her foot.

"Maybe later," Claire said, "I'm done too. The garden is interesting, but I would have preferred to explore it on my own."

"The rest is open to everyone," Léonard explained, "The Topiary mill is open to visitors all year round."

Claire and Emma felt transported back to Theophilus' shop. The goods on offer were similar and their disappointment was all the greater when he was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, they saw the unfriendly woman called Wenteslaugen instead. She was talking to the mayor of Kapellengarten, a plump character in an incongruous black lounge suit.

Emma's exhaustion and hunger pangs were comforted by a short ride that took her past the many cars and carriages. Claire accompanied her on a white horse, as her friend did not want to be alone. Léonard showed stubbornness when he didn't want to get on a horse and accompanied them on foot. He will just ride when it´s necessary, he added. Léonard preferred walking or using the bicycle. Only Karoline and Stephan remained a little grouchy, Claire noted.

Their minds must be like that through Léonard... but why?

There was a monstrous table with delicacies from all over the world. Although Otto Ludwig had never left the country, he was an advocate of appetising food from different cultures. People jostled to get to the front to try some of everything. Even now, in wartime, he procured everything his heart desired.

The overpowering windows gave wonderful views off the balcony and the pleasure garden. Portraits of the von Karolsfelde family hung between them. An oversized painting was dedicated to Viktoria Luise von Karolsfelde. The chandeliers, tiny in comparison, were rarely used. The magnificent fireplace was used all the more often.

The ballroom resembled a cosy, large living room. There were scattered tables and sofas, fine carpets, servants, and musical entertainment.

"Let's serve ourselves," Léonard spoke solemnly, "New Year's only comes once a year, after all."

Only Stephan chuckled at his statement. He was the first to indulge. The cooks stood in front of their creations and wished that everyone enjoyed it.

Hey Mailice!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Finally we have arrived at the ball. I feel that this chapter was mostly dedicated to introducing and familiarizing us with the new setting in the story. Your descriptions were really vivid and painted a clear picture in front of our eyes. I liked how you did not show us the sights directly and instead proceeded to play around with the words, exploring and describing each element of the ball with care and precision. Each description felt like they were carefully thought out and placed at the exact right moment. I also appreciated the way you have formatted this chapter into short paragraphs, so that the descriptions did not feel like they were clumped together or became tiresome to read for us.

I do think that you included a lot of details than was necessary. It was important for setting the scene and familiarizing us with it, but I feel you could have balanced it out a little.

"They have no maiden roses..." whispered Léonard, a little apart from the group,

He was slightly worried. There were more guests than expected.

Only Karoline and Stephan remained a little grouchy, Claire noted.

Their minds must be like that through Léonard... but why?

The gloomy eyes, black dots on the water could not reflect anything of the sucking emptiness.

Unfortunately, they saw the unfriendly woman called Wenteslaugen instead.

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Not much happening in this part. This was a relaxing part and provided some insights to the gala. I wonder why many characters seem to be as new as the new year. Like it feels like I re-discovered the characters here. Maybe this is because we see a new sort of emotion and feeling here.

I wonder why Leonard refused travelling on a horse. Maybe this has something to do with being inconspicuous. Maybe he will be a bit more noticeable if he gets up on a horse. I do guess that he can ride horse in a decent manner. Also, he is back to his own self. I really don't think his inside is full of humors like he appeared sometimes. He seems to be very concerned about the maiden rose.

Now with Emma and Claire. Not only physically but also emotionally, Emma feels to be grown-up here and also a bit more observative and not at all like the childish Emma. Like earlier, we had seen Emma admire her dress and being exceedinly nit-picky on choosing but here we saw Emma not really caring about the dress. She just said one word "wonderful." Claire doesn't seem to notice this, perhaps she was abdorbed in her thoughts about the future as we saw. However, later she seems to come out of all the thoughts and focus on the world where she noticed the siblings' behaviour.

Now the siblings' behaviour. I can't tell much about it except that it was related to Leonard. Leonard told something to Karoline. I guess Karoline was telling it to Stephan and after a good discussion, they concluded it was something not very dangerous. That can be a thing or maybe it can't be the case.

This Wenteslaugen is suspicious. I really wonder what this woman has to do in this gala and also we have got this person who gave Leonard the invitation or maybe it's his pseudoname. Quite interesting.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever