z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+

LoaMR: Ch.VIII: Kapellen Castle 1

by MailicedeNamedy


What has happened so far: Claire and Emma have accepted Léonard's invitation to come to Weymouth. There they are hosted by the du Murnaux siblings, as Léonard is not present. Only after a few days does he show himself and meet Claire and Emma in Pfalzburg, where he talks about how they will celebrate New Year at Kapellen Castle, where a gala is taking place. In this chapter, they prepare for and hold the New Year's celebration. Will everything go as Léonard has planned?

***

It was cloudy.

It had also been raining. As the group had come over the Spruce Stone Pass, they had not seen the castle.

Their hotel was centrally located in the town of Kapellengarten, right at the entrance of the Vitelotte Valley, where the castle was located, on the shore of the Emerald Lake. There was no view of the lake or the mountains. Many rooms were fully booked. Due to the guests and soldiers (whose families arrived by train), there was hardly a chance to get a bed to stay overnight. It was thanks to Karoline, who had taken care of the reservation and only thought of it at the last moment, that they were now in the centre surrounded by other hotels and their windows showed the windows of the neighbours.

The car was parked somewhere on the shore, as the hotel had no parking spaces. The luggage had not even been emptied, when Léonard had disappeared.

Emma did not like his absence. Claire had a suspicion that he was inspecting the castle from a safe distance. Even Karoline and Stephan could not explain where he was. A walk along the shore enlightened them after lunch. The automobile was also missing. It reinforced Claire's idea that he had gone to the castle.

***

Poppy Square right by the hotel offered the many soldiers a quiet solace for the otherwise noisy front. Many cafés were waiting for this kind of clientele.

A dozen lime trees were surrounded by heather and pansies and there was a fragile pavilion in between. It was a perfect photo opportunity for the soldiers. Many of them queued up to take a memory with their wife for later. The sun was smiling on the place. The waiters looked forward to welcoming visitors, whether friends or squatters.

It was frightening to be in the minority in one's own country, Karoline said in a whisper as they looked for a table. Likewise, she continued, the language and religion were the same. It was the mentality that made the difference.

"Léonard stormed off immediately. I wonder if something happened?"

Worried about the eldest, Emma repeated herself several times and didn't listen to anything the others were speaking. It reminded Stephan of a whining child. Karoline and Claire knew about his escapades. Nothing surprising really, Karoline said as they placed the order.

"He'll be back soon," Karoline cheered her up, "He's just disappeared. That often happens with men."

"But why doesn't he tell us?" she complained, drowning out Stephan's yips with a sigh.

She shook her head deviously as she heard herself talking. He would never let anyone down. He was a hero. That's when the memories of the arrest in Sehlingen surfaced...

"The Wenzel Valley is history. From now on we come here!" a soldier gushed to his comrades, "Hurray for Kapellengarten!"

"Raise your glasses!" his cronies imitated.

"Pretty noisy in here," Claire observed, glowering at the next table.

"We'll leave as soon as we've paid," Karoline suggested, "Are you uncomfortable?"

"A little bit."

"You must always remember that you are not one of them," she cheered Claire up. Claire smiled.

"That's right. I'm just a girl."

While Emma briefly sought out the certain little place, the eldest was finally able to ask her friend.

"How do we distract her from Léonard?"

"Isn't he coming back?” Claire asked.

"Maybe tomorrow. We don't know."

"Is there something she´s very interested in?" Stephan interjected.

"She really likes animals," Claire reflected.

"A fishing trip?" he joked.

None of those present found it funny.

"There is an animal park nearby. It's halfway to the castle."

"The castle! The wonderful castle!" roared the soldier next door, "I'm going to propose to my beloved!"

The comrades whooped and hollered. Karoline rolled her eyes.

"I will ask later on how to get there."

"Good," Claire said with relief as Emma passed the table with the front-line soldiers. They bawled at her as if she were the soldier's sweetheart.

"Shall we go?" Emma asked in a frightened voice.

"We were waiting for you," Stephan spoke calmly and stood up at the same time.

The early afternoon was spent not far from the hotel. The many officers and privates did not make it easy for Claire to feel at home in Kapellengarten. Despite the imposing smallness of the town, there were many paths and alleys. A meaningless green area served for recreation. Nonsensical at all, considering the woods around the lake.

The group was more concerned with avoiding the song-motivated soldiers than relaxing at all. The only good news was that Karoline had found out that they could get to the park by a small bus. They didn't have to wait long at the bus stop.

Meanwhile, Léonard had not thought of the others. Maybe a few times about Claire or Emma when he took a drag on his cigarette…

*

***

*

Ministerfeld was located off Spruce Stone Pass.

With the achievement of faster travel, one could reach it from Kapellengarten in two hours.

It was a small settlement, enclosed on a plateau, in the middle of the forest. Due to clearing, the village had at some point become a hairless field on a flat plain.

The generously designed wooden huts provided shade for the flowers in front of them. The bustle of the spa Kapellengarten could not be heard. The residents were happy about that. Becoming a tourist attraction for the occupying army was not in the mayor's will.

With its thousand inhabitants and two thousand cows, two-thirds of the families were engaged in farming. Léonard found out about it when he asked an old man with a pipe on the street for directions.

With a stoic conscience, Léonard approached a simple wooden hut with a beautifully painted flower motif. The smell of wood reached his nose. He did not like it very much.

An elderly woman with long, free-hanging grey hair was sitting on a bench, knitting something. It resembled a scarf so far. Her husband had to be either in the field or dead. Léonard wanted to find out now.

He pushed the small gate aside and entered the front garden. A dark yellow-cheeked dog spied him half asleep and did not bark. The lady looked at him from a distance.

"Good afternoon," he greeted her, "I'm sorry to bother you. Am I in the right place with Mrs März?"

She stood up and giggled as Léonard knelt in front of her. He was a head taller than her. The dog seemed to have fallen asleep again after Léonard had patted its head.

"With whom do I have the honour? Call me Marianne, my dear."

"Leon Antrick.", he introduced himself, "From the company Seelenherz Inc. from Berlyne."

"Seelenherz Inc.? It's been a long time since anyone from them has come."

"There shouldn't be any more visitors either," he explained thoughtfully, "May I sit down?"

"Of course."

"I came because an incident took place recently. Near Mühlenbach - Rotunde. At the Victoria Luise Orphanage."

Marianne März was blindsided. Her glassy eyes gazed into his.

"How can I help you?"

"Is your husband present, perhaps?"

"No. He's at the field. Can I be of assistance?"

"Of course.

A few days ago, the orphanage was broken into. A terrible crime. The HePo took care of everything, but we are concerned about the papers. Some documents were stolen. The documents in question are precisely those of Hannah Goldmann. According to our current information, she was adopted 30 years ago. By you. “

The lady thought hard.

"It's true. We adopted one child. I had several miscarriages and this young gentleman... what was his name... offered to adopt."

"You mean Mr Herre. He was my superior."

"Right. A friendly man. How can I help you now? I don't quite understand."

"It seems that the perpetrator deliberately stole these documents. From Miss Goldmann's arrival at the home to her adoption at the age of ten. The police are already investigating this, we - as Seelenherz Inc. - are anxious to set everything straight. Can you tell us about your daughter?"

Marianne März was visibly confused. She did not know what to do.

"I don't follow you."

"You no longer have contact with your daughter?"

She was shaken. Tears rolled down her wrinkled cheeks.

"She hasn't been in touch for years."

He tried to comfort her when she offered to come inside.

In the course of the conversation, her husband joined her. They were inside for about three hours, and at the end, there was a piece of homemade crumb cake and tea to heal the wounds of the past. Léonard was finally able to paint a picture.

The clues were enough to solve part of the puzzle. Now he knew that Hannah was renamed to Chloé März after her adoption. He could not get enough of Mrs März's flood of memories. Everything she had divulged; he wrote down in his notebook. He had said goodbye in a friendly manner and declared that he would get in touch as soon as there was something new. Her husband sometimes helped her out when she had forgotten something, which was immensely practical.

Léonard had not had a conscience for a long time. It made no difference who he cheated, old or young.

He lied more often than he told the truth. Again, he had lied just to get closer to his goal. Should he have explained to her what he was really doing? Should he have told her about the death of the children? He no longer asked himself questions like these. He had pushed them out of his brain. His morals were his foundation. He came first before all others.

In the evening, before he went back to the others, he had made himself comfortable in an old barn, where he scribbled more in his notebook. He recorded his ideas and conceptions; they became a construct that he should have recognised when he had messed with her. Now he had captured the overview.

At dusk he drove back to Kapellengarten.

During the night he got over the Spruce Stone Pass and almost ran over two drunken whipping boys. Without taking any further notice of them, he left them to their fate. At the lakeside, he found the motionless scenery he had been looking for. The lake shimmered ghostly in the moonlight. It reminded him of the one around his mansion. He could hardly wait. The longing was killing him. He was months and even years away from home - from his fiancée. Few days remained to him. Hours when he wanted to spur himself on. It gave him hope.

After one last cigarette from the pack, he made his way back to the hotel.

*

***

*

Hidden between Kapellengarten and the castle, right next to the only road, was the Viktoria Luise Animal Park.

It was a neat and wholesome natural jewel in the midst of the conifers. It was not particularly large. Nevertheless, the animals had enough space to feel at home. From the native birds, which were happily confined in sinfully large cages, to the foxes, badgers, and lynxes, which roamed and hid in extensive enclosures. Even wolves lived in a cordoned-off area and a gentle brown bear.

With many informative panels and a stringent falcon show, one could get an entertaining insight into the world of fauna.

Emma was not complaining.

She was able to turn away from Léonard for the first time in a long time. Her thoughts returned to normal. Almost too normal when she talked to Claire about the future. Regardless, she didn't know whether she found the squirrels or the foxes more exciting.

It was also a great opportunity for Claire and the siblings to get away from Léonard. Karoline assumed that he would not return to the hotel before New Year.

In a slender glade, there was a wooden statue of the mayor next to pretty kiosk stalls. The place was well suited for a break. Enjoying a popsicle, Emma had finally lost him completely from her mind.

"When we go back to Regenschloss, you'll start working, won't you? At your aunt's."

Claire bit into the wooden stick.

She had not thought about that anymore. She did not suspect that her friend no longer possessed any thoughts of the future. Frosty displeasure was in her stomach. The thought of later caught up with her.

"Why do you ask?"

"I actually wanted to start working as a seamstress in the textile factory where my mother works. But I thought about doing an apprenticeship. As a waitress or something. That would be fun if we could work together, wouldn't it? “

"You'll have to ask my aunt."

"Let's do that when we get back to Regenschloss," Emma grinned, "because mother doesn't want me to start at the factory. She suggested I go to POIS."

"Really?"

"She wants me to become a conductor," she clarified. "I don't like going back and forth on the train all the time. I don't feel ready to go to work. Besides..." (She came closer to Claire's ear) "Besides, I don't know what the passengers might do to me."

Claire was flabbergasted. Emma was right in what she said.

I hadn't thought about that myself...

"You know, I feel way too young to think about working." Emma said.

"That we women are allowed to work at all is thanks to the war," Karoline shared, "It gave us new rights."

Claire gaped at her.

"I just mean," she said quickly, "It helped, even if there were deaths."

"Times have changed rapidly," Stephan spoke without having a clue about anything, "But honestly; do you want to keep talking about profession and women? I want to see the rest."

"Do you work?" Emma asked Karoline, ignoring Stephan.

She looked shamefacedly at one of the pretty kiosk stalls.

"I keep the household going. We don't really need to earn money, we inherited everything from our family."

So meekly she admitted that they didn't need any earnings. It didn't help Emma much. At the same time, the young lady said that she would rather have a profession. Having her own bakery would be nice, Karoline added.

"Let's go on," Claire motivated the group.

The rest of the time in the zoo was different. This time they couldn't put their heads to the side. While they fed horses, Claire thought about how she could tell Emma about her future. They parted ways after the castle visit at the latest. Only now did she realise the time. Only now did she realise that it was time to say goodbye.

Optimistic, Claire told herself not to fall back into a spiral of hopelessness. Even after a mare tried to nibble her dress, she kept her temper.

Emma was so convinced that she could start working in the restaurant. But nothing ever happened the way one thought it would. No matter how many scripts you thought up in your head, there was always the one you forgot or didn't want to admit.

Actually, it would have made more sense to explain to her aunt that her father had made it all up. Why hadn't Claire done it? Was it fear of punishment? Her reluctance to criticise was childish. Claire's childish self was now afraid of the big adults. It went so far that she believed she would be punished with death if she resisted.

She always did what her sister or her aunt told her to do. They were older and knew the rules. Children are stupid and unaware of their actions, she often heard.

If she had only said something briefly on that evening when the letter arrived, would it have been a breach of trust? Who would Waltraud have believed more? Brother or niece?

Claire's future lay as uncertain as this year's weather. Unaware of the worries she was developing, she had no contingency plan. She put all her eggs in one basket.

The group returned on the last bus. Freed from the boozing soldiers, the oppression returned to the hotel. Kapellengarten was practically made up of them.

Tired and unconcerned, they wandered into their beds. While Emma tried to stop Claire from going to bed, she ignored her friend as she wanted to go to Léonard´s room.

To VIII.2.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1232 Reviews

Points: 119938
Reviews: 1232

Donate
Wed Apr 06, 2022 10:57 am
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy says...



@Liminality

Thank you very much for your review, Lim!

This makes me wonder what kind of men Karoline has in her life (… magicians, maybe? Or just very shady ones).

I think Karoline was just joking about the disappearance of men. She hasn´t met a lot of them, so I believe she read that in books, I guess? :D

I got a bit confused why Stephan was “yipping” here as I’d usually associate that noise with tiny animals.


I wanted to express more than he was complaining a little. I think that´s one of these lost in translation things from German to English.

Is the scenery bringing out a different side of her, or did I just forget some parts?

I see that there is still a bit of development I have to do with Emma. But I also think that she is childish but in some situations, she can be serious, but most of the time she wants to remain a bit more relaxed.

I get the feeling neither Claire nor Karoline likes men very much. Claire, I speculate, doesn’t like them especially because of her father?

I never wanted to start something in this direction, but you´re right with Claire and her father.

The sentence with “and a gentle brown bear” makes it seem like the wolves might be living inside the bear?

:D That would definitely be a sight to see.

Like, I thought it was odd that the soldiers immediately started interacting with Claire here even though there wasn’t a previous part where they ‘noticed’ or ‘looked’ at her and her group at the table? I’m also wondering how the soldiers could overhear Claire talking in a ‘normal’ tone about the castle when they were making such a ruckus over at their table?

Oh yeah, I see what you mean. My intention was that one of them just heard what Claire said before and he is now speaking with his group at the table like he had some brilliant idea. I mean they are all drunk, so… :D

Thanks again for your review! :D




User avatar
470 Reviews

Points: 26604
Reviews: 470

Donate
Tue Apr 05, 2022 4:21 pm
View Likes
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi Mailice! I’m finally back :D with a short review.

Characters

I think what I liked best about this chapter was the reflections of both Claire and Léonard. The fact that Marianne turned out to be a very sympathetic person that tugged at Léonard’s heart-strings a little was a good turn in his character arc, I think, and I like how it challenges him and his usual manipulative behaviour.

Tears rolled down her wrinkled cheeks.
"She hasn't been in touch for years."

This was a really heart-wrenching moment, and I felt that Léonard felt it was, too.
Emma was so convinced that she could start working in the restaurant. But nothing ever happened the way one thought it would. No matter how many scripts you thought up in your head, there was always the one you forgot or didn't want to admit.

(I sense a frequent theme in the story here!) I like that although Claire looks down on Emma, the things Emma says or does get her thinking. Is irony the word? I’m not sure, but as I’ve said before it’s an interesting dynamic those two have as characters.
"He'll be back soon," Karoline cheered her up, "He's just disappeared. That often happens with men."
"But why doesn't he tell us?" she complained, drowning out Stephan's yips with a sigh.

This makes me wonder what kind of men Karoline has in her life (… magicians, maybe? Or just very shady ones). I got a bit confused why Stephan was “yipping” here as I’d usually associate that noise with tiny animals. But whoops, the main point I was trying to get to is that it looks like Emma is still having that ‘childish’ mindset here as she has in the past chapters. I feel somehow she’s acting even ‘younger’ here than she did earlier on, though, like in the train. Taking ages to buy a dress, pulling out this routine that reminds me of that classic “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” kids ask on a long drive . . . Is the scenery bringing out a different side of her, or did I just forget some parts?
"You must always remember that you are not one of them," she cheered Claire up. Claire smiled.
"That's right. I'm just a girl."

I get the feeling neither Claire nor Karoline likes men very much. Claire, I speculate, doesn’t like them especially because of her father? Or maybe it’s just the general relations between men and women in Sagauvela that create the tension.

Setting

their windows showed the windows of the neighbours.

Oh this is very unusual for LoaMR, I think, not being able to see the beautiful scenery. Kind of gives off an ominous energy, like something bad is going to happen again.

Poppy Square right by the hotel offered the many soldiers a quiet solace for the otherwise noisy front. Many cafés were waiting for this kind of clientele.

I like the detail explaining why the soldiers were there. It connects this relatively peaceful part of the story to the fact that there’s a war going on and all this underlying conflict.

Another aspect I liked was Emma's discussion with Claire about work. The detail about women getting to work more in wartime is a nice touch of realism and your historical inspiration. I also thought it was interesting that one of Emma's job options was being a train conductor -- I certainly wouldn't have thought of that!

Some minor nitpicks
He no longer asked himself questions like these. He had pushed them out of his brain. His morals were his foundation. He came first before all others.

Somehow I feel like “foundation” would mean that the morals come first before him? I’m thinking of a building metaphor here, like you lay the foundation before you lay the rest on top of it.
Even wolves lived in a cordoned-off area and a gentle brown bear.

The sentence with “and a gentle brown bear” makes it seem like the wolves might be living inside the bear? It’s a little ambiguous, I think.
"The castle! The wonderful castle!" roared the soldier next door, "I'm going to propose to my beloved!"
The comrades whooped and hollered. Karoline rolled her eyes.
"I will ask later on how to get there."
"Good," Claire said with relief as Emma passed the table with the front-line soldiers. They bawled at her as if she were the soldier's sweetheart.

Somehow I felt this scene was a bit abrupt. Like, I thought it was odd that the soldiers immediately started interacting with Claire here even though there wasn’t a previous part where they ‘noticed’ or ‘looked’ at her and her group at the table? I’m also wondering how the soldiers could overhear Claire talking in a ‘normal’ tone about the castle when they were making such a ruckus over at their table?

Overall
This was another interesting development in the stories of Claire and Léonard. I liked the small moments developing Karoline and Stephan’s characters as well, as earlier on I think they felt a bit less ‘fleshed-out’ than the main cast. Now I feel more like they’re part of the gang. I’m curious to see what Léonard does with the new information and what will happen at the castle.

Hope some of this helps!
-Lim




User avatar
608 Reviews

Points: 68440
Reviews: 608

Donate
Mon Mar 14, 2022 12:07 am
View Likes
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

Ooh, I enjoyed this chapter! I like the insight we got on Goldmann—it's very interesting that she used to be a child at the same orphanage she destroyed. Curious to see what else will be unveiled about her as the story progresses. I wonder: is she involved in that one mysterious Abbey organization? I really look forward to this plotline shaping up!

One thing I enjoyed about this was how you alternated between Claire and Léonard. I think it was a nice bit to sort of both advance the plot as well as focus on familiar characters like Claire and Emma (I am curious how the latter will treat Léonard coming back— I feel like he's abandoned them so many times, it'll be interesting to see how far Emma's loyalty and admiration stretches). I liked the scenes with the soldiers. It was a nice bit of conflict that was away from the main plot, and added depth to the setting. It also added contrast between the two POVs. Nice work!

I also liked the setting descriptions. You make every place sound so verdant and pretty. Especially in this town, it seems there are a lot of grand sites. It feels a lot like a period piece with sprawling sets and grand houses, but in book form. I'm enjoying it immensely!

Specifics

Even wolves lived in a cordoned-off area and a gentle brown bear.


I thought that this was phrased a little oddly— you don't have any verb after "gentle brown bear," so I'd include it in the subject or else put in another verb there to specify what about the bear is important.

One last thing— from what I remember, the big thing about Claire's future was what her father sent to her, right? The thing about finishing school? I just wanted to make sure, since she's still thinking pretty heavily about it.

Overall: nice work!! I have faith that this chapter will be one of the best ones yet, and I can't wait to read more! Until next time!!




MailicedeNamedy says...


Thank you very much for your review! :D



User avatar
3997 Reviews

Points: 238453
Reviews: 3997

Donate
Sat Oct 23, 2021 11:52 am
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay....so they arrive at a hotel and we see Léonard doing Léonard things and being as evil as always, while the others sort of explore a zoo and have a couple of interesting conversations. Not a bad setup of sorts for this chapter here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was cloudy.

It had also been raining. As the group had come over the Spruce Stone Pass, they had not seen the castle.

Their hotel was centrally located in the town of Kapellengarten, right at the entrance of the Vitelotte Valley, where the castle was located, on the shore of the Emerald Lake. There was no view of the lake or the mountains. Many rooms were fully booked. Due to the guests and soldiers (whose families arrived by train), there was hardly a chance to get a bed to stay overnight. It was thanks to Karoline, who had taken care of the reservation and only thought of it at the last moment, that they were now in the centre surrounded by other hotels and their windows showed the windows of the neighbours.

The car was parked somewhere on the shore, as the hotel had no parking spaces. The luggage had not even been emptied, when Léonard had disappeared.

Emma did not like his absence. Claire had a suspicion that he was inspecting the castle from a safe distance. Even Karoline and Stephan could not explain where he was. A walk along the shore enlightened them after lunch. The automobile was also missing. It reinforced Claire's idea that he had gone to the castle.


Okay...well already several bad omens here as things are just being slowly set up for this scene. Ahh, I have a feeling some serious things are potentially going to go down in this chapter, or at least that's how the setup has been, I have no idea if any of those are going to pay off though.

Poppy Square right by the hotel offered the many soldiers a quiet solace for the otherwise noisy front. Many cafés were waiting for this kind of clientele.

A dozen lime trees were surrounded by heather and pansies and there was a fragile pavilion in between. It was a perfect photo opportunity for the soldiers. Many of them queued up to take a memory with their wife for later. The sun was smiling on the place. The waiters looked forward to welcoming visitors, whether friends or squatters.

It was frightening to be in the minority in one's own country, Karoline said in a whisper as they looked for a table. Likewise, she continued, the language and religion were the same. It was the mentality that made the difference.


OKayy...well things are starting off with some neat description as well. We have ourselves a nice little setting. So far in contrast to the characters who seems a bit more on the tense side and look a little worried the setting seems a bit relaxing.

"But why doesn't he tell us?" she complained, drowning out Stephan's yips with a sigh.

She shook her head deviously as she heard herself talking. He would never let anyone down. He was a hero. That's when the memories of the arrest in Sehlingen surfaced...

"The Wenzel Valley is history. From now on we come here!" a soldier gushed to his comrades, "Hurray for Kapellengarten!"

"Raise your glasses!" his cronies imitated.

"Pretty noisy in here," Claire observed, glowering at the next table.

"We'll leave as soon as we've paid," Karoline suggested, "Are you uncomfortable?"

"A little bit."

"You must always remember that you are not one of them," she cheered Claire up. Claire smiled.


Okay...well, this is an interesting little conversation going on here. It looks like we have ourselves maybe a little bit of a friendship brewing between Karoline and these two, or at least they've been forced to talk to each other plenty of times now because of circumstance.

"There is an animal park nearby. It's halfway to the castle."

"The castle! The wonderful castle!" roared the soldier next door, "I'm going to propose to my beloved!"

The comrades whooped and hollered. Karoline rolled her eyes.

"I will ask later on how to get there."


Oooh, love the little touch of humor you try to add in here. The conversations in this one tend to be mostly dry, tense or very emotional, so its good to see a bit of a joke or two coming across even if they fall flat like the fishing trip one...xD I thought it was funny though :D

The early afternoon was spent not far from the hotel. The many officers and privates did not make it easy for Claire to feel at home in Kapellengarten. Despite the imposing smallness of the town, there were many paths and alleys. A meaningless green area served for recreation. Nonsensical at all, considering the woods around the lake.

The group was more concerned with avoiding the song-motivated soldiers than relaxing at all. The only good news was that Karoline had found out that they could get to the park by a small bus. They didn't have to wait long at the bus stop.

Meanwhile, Léonard had not thought of the others. Maybe a few times about Claire or Emma when he took a drag on his cigarette…


Okayy...interesting that we have a description of these folks just going about their regular afternoon and then we cut for a moment towards Léonard just in that last paragraph, almost like the author wants us to keep him and whatever he is doing in mind.

Ministerfeld was located off Spruce Stone Pass.

With the achievement of faster travel, one could reach it from Kapellengarten in two hours.

It was a small settlement, enclosed on a plateau, in the middle of the forest. Due to clearing, the village had at some point become a hairless field on a flat plain.

The generously designed wooden huts provided shade for the flowers in front of them. The bustle of the spa Kapellengarten could not be heard. The residents were happy about that. Becoming a tourist attraction for the occupying army was not in the mayor's will.

With its thousand inhabitants and two thousand cows, two-thirds of the families were engaged in farming. Léonard found out about it when he asked an old man with a pipe on the street for directions.


Bit of a sudden detour to introduce a brand new setting in the middle like this, but hmm, I've gotten a bit used to it by now, having seen this countless times in this story...and well, I think maybe its no longer as jarring, but uh, still is weird to have so many detailed settings thrown into one part.

With a stoic conscience, Léonard approached a simple wooden hut with a beautifully painted flower motif. The smell of wood reached his nose. He did not like it very much.

An elderly woman with long, free-hanging grey hair was sitting on a bench, knitting something. It resembled a scarf so far. Her husband had to be either in the field or dead. Léonard wanted to find out now.

He pushed the small gate aside and entered the front garden. A dark yellow-cheeked dog spied him half asleep and did not bark. The lady looked at him from a distance.

"Good afternoon," he greeted her, "I'm sorry to bother you. Am I in the right place with Mrs März?"


Okay...so he's off to meet someone I see...alright, that's a little different. It isn't what the others theorized after all. I guess Léonard maybe has something to get here, I hardly think this is some kind of social call or anything other than some form of information gathering situation.

She stood up and giggled as Léonard knelt in front of her. He was a head taller than her. The dog seemed to have fallen asleep again after Léonard had patted its head.

"With whom do I have the honour? Call me Marianne, my dear."

"Leon Antrick.", he introduced himself, "From the company Seelenherz Inc. from Berlyne."

"Seelenherz Inc.? It's been a long time since anyone from them has come."

"There shouldn't be any more visitors either," he explained thoughtfully, "May I sit down?"

"Of course."

"I came because an incident took place recently. Near Mühlenbach - Rotunde. At the Victoria Luise Orphanage."

Marianne März was blindsided. Her glassy eyes gazed into his.


Ohhh...okay, this is interesting. First of all, fake name, second of all, is that Claire's father's company, cause I don't know, I can't remember its name, but considering it was highlighted earlier and now we have Léonard pretending to be a person from a company, I wonder....also well asking about the horrific incident at the orphanage, this is very interesting.

A few days ago, the orphanage was broken into. A terrible crime. The HePo took care of everything, but we are concerned about the papers. Some documents were stolen. The documents in question are precisely those of Hannah Goldmann. According to our current information, she was adopted 30 years ago. By you. “

The lady thought hard.

"It's true. We adopted one child. I had several miscarriages and this young gentleman... what was his name... offered to adopt."

"You mean Mr Herre. He was my superior."

"Right. A friendly man. How can I help you now? I don't quite understand."


So that confirms any doubt that this is the same orphanage...but okay, it looks like those documents I remember faintly from earlier are somehow rather important to Léonard and whoever he works for or is working against...cause that's a very odd detail to be chasing after in a massacre like that one.

She was shaken. Tears rolled down her wrinkled cheeks.

"She hasn't been in touch for years."

He tried to comfort her when she offered to come inside.

In the course of the conversation, her husband joined her. They were inside for about three hours, and at the end, there was a piece of homemade crumb cake and tea to heal the wounds of the past. Léonard was finally able to paint a picture.

The clues were enough to solve part of the puzzle. Now he knew that Hannah was renamed to Chloé März after her adoption. He could not get enough of Mrs März's flood of memories. Everything she had divulged; he wrote down in his notebook. He had said goodbye in a friendly manner and declared that he would get in touch as soon as there was something new. Her husband sometimes helped her out when she had forgotten something, which was immensely practical.


Okay...so well I suppose that plan of his went pretty well, I mean, unsuspecting old folks like that are some of the easier ones to trick and Léonard struck a nice little nerve there to get the woman to spill all the beans there...well...the matter of fact way he does all of this certainly shows just the sort of character he is.

Léonard had not had a conscience for a long time. It made no difference who he cheated, old or young.

He lied more often than he told the truth. Again, he had lied just to get closer to his goal. Should he have explained to her what he was really doing? Should he have told her about the death of the children? He no longer asked himself questions like these. He had pushed them out of his brain. His morals were his foundation. He came first before all others.

In the evening, before he went back to the others, he had made himself comfortable in an old barn, where he scribbled more in his notebook. He recorded his ideas and conceptions; they became a construct that he should have recognised when he had messed with her. Now he had captured the overview.

At dusk he drove back to Kapellengarten.


Well...I feel like that little deconstruction of Léonard's character is a bit on the nose of sorts. Those are all things we easily infer, and I feel like maybe a passing jab at his lack of a conscience is one thing, but that next paragraph is a little too much on what sort of person he is. That sort of thing is clear already in the text, it doesn't need to be spelled out like that.

Hidden between Kapellengarten and the castle, right next to the only road, was the Viktoria Luise Animal Park.

It was a neat and wholesome natural jewel in the midst of the conifers. It was not particularly large. Nevertheless, the animals had enough space to feel at home. From the native birds, which were happily confined in sinfully large cages, to the foxes, badgers, and lynxes, which roamed and hid in extensive enclosures. Even wolves lived in a cordoned-off area and a gentle brown bear.

With many informative panels and a stringent falcon show, one could get an entertaining insight into the world of fauna.


Okay...soo things have changed to what looks to be a bit of a zoo of sorts...okay...I suppose this is the park they were talking about earlier. This should be interesting to see. It doesn't seem like there's going to be much plot stuff happening here but it could be a fun bonding moment for everyone involved.

In a slender glade, there was a wooden statue of the mayor next to pretty kiosk stalls. The place was well suited for a break. Enjoying a popsicle, Emma had finally lost him completely from her mind.

"When we go back to Regenschloss, you'll start working, won't you? At your aunt's."

Claire bit into the wooden stick.

She had not thought about that anymore. She did not suspect that her friend no longer possessed any thoughts of the future. Frosty displeasure was in her stomach. The thought of later caught up with her.


Okayy...so this conversation did in fact manage to actually hit on some important points. I was not expecting that to happen, so this is rather interesting. Let's see where this one ends up taking us here.

"Let's do that when we get back to Regenschloss," Emma grinned, "because mother doesn't want me to start at the factory. She suggested I go to POIS."

"Really?"

"She wants me to become a conductor," she clarified. "I don't like going back and forth on the train all the time. I don't feel ready to go to work. Besides..." (She came closer to Claire's ear) "Besides, I don't know what the passengers might do to me."


Hmm, well this conversation about their potential futures is maybe one of the more interesting conversation that these two have had in recent times. Its good to see them focusing more on each other that this two faced lizard. Sorry not sorry Léonard

"Times have changed rapidly," Stephan spoke without having a clue about anything, "But honestly; do you want to keep talking about profession and women? I want to see the rest."

"Do you work?" Emma asked Karoline, ignoring Stephan.

She looked shamefacedly at one of the pretty kiosk stalls.

"I keep the household going. We don't really need to earn money, we inherited everything from our family."

So meekly she admitted that they didn't need any earnings. It didn't help Emma much. At the same time, the young lady said that she would rather have a profession. Having her own bakery would be nice, Karoline added.


Okay...those two might have slightly ruined that moment there although I'm sure they didn't really intend to do that...also interesting to see how they are just sort of living off of their inherited wealth there.

Optimistic, Claire told herself not to fall back into a spiral of hopelessness. Even after a mare tried to nibble her dress, she kept her temper.

Emma was so convinced that she could start working in the restaurant. But nothing ever happened the way one thought it would. No matter how many scripts you thought up in your head, there was always the one you forgot or didn't want to admit.

Actually, it would have made more sense to explain to her aunt that her father had made it all up. Why hadn't Claire done it? Was it fear of punishment? Her reluctance to criticise was childish. Claire's childish self was now afraid of the big adults. It went so far that she believed she would be punished with death if she resisted.


Okay, well we're ending on some important sounding things there with it being back to Claire's thoughts exclusively and us now getting to see sort of the situation in her mind at the moment, which seems to slowly lapse into the state it was before this trip now that it appears the trip is coming closer to its end.

The group returned on the last bus. Freed from the boozing soldiers, the oppression returned to the hotel. Kapellengarten was practically made up of them.

Tired and unconcerned, they wandered into their beds. While Emma tried to stop Claire from going to bed, she ignored her friend as she wanted to go to Léonard´s room.


Okayyy....well, an interesting point to end on here...I wonder what the next part will hold...

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think this part is a success. I did end up liking it I think, and I feel like perhaps its setting up an interesting chapter to come here. I'm excited to see what's going to happen next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




MailicedeNamedy says...


Thank you very much for your review! :D



KateHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D



User avatar
646 Reviews

Points: 79424
Reviews: 646

Donate
Sat Sep 18, 2021 11:19 am
View Likes
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Mailice!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I liked the relaxed beginning to this chapter. It seemed more constructed and the pace was continuos throughout. Considering the mood with which the previous chapter ended, I have to say this one seemed to have lightened up a little.

I liked the different narratives in this chapter. You managed to include a bit of every character's story in a really smoother manner so that it was easy to follow without getting bogged down with the new and different developments in their lives.

I liked the part with Emma here. For so long, her character has seemed to simply revolve around Leonard that I honestly think her identity in this story has become based on Leonard's arrivals and departures from her life. Although, that is a significant aspect of her character and makes her who she is, it was good to hear one conversation from her that wasn't about him. Listening to her contemplate the future with Claire brought back some of that identity she seemed to have lost after being tangled up in Leonard's world.

I liked how that entire conversation revolved around women and how you brought out contradictions with Karoline's thoughts to make it even more realistic. I also appreciated how Stephen, the only man of the group was left out of it. It seemed like a conversation that I could imagine playing out in the real world, which I think is really impressive, considering that the times and situation of women are quite different now. I also liked the slight indisight we got into Karoline's life and how we saw her in a different light and context that we have never seen before.

This chapter also made feel that Leonard doesn't really know Hannah Goldman. It is obvious that she is tied heavily into the contract somehow and is going to play a major part in the story. I got the sense before that she has been wronged somehow and I wonder if Leonard had something to do with it. He seems like to trying to understand her and get more information about her in order to anticipate her moves. And I honestly liked learning more about her upbringing and her childhood. All this while, she has seemed like this dark complicated character with the tortured past. This chapter made her more human to me.

Some other details:

It was frightening to be in the minority in one's own country, Karoline said in a whisper as they looked for a table. Likewise, she continued, the language and religion are the same. It was the mentality that made the difference.

There were some instances in this chapter that I think could have been better portrayed in dialogue and this is one of them.

"He helped, even if there were deaths."

In this sentence, I am pretty sure they were talking about war, so the 'he' will better replaced with 'it'.

That's all for this one!

Have a great day!




MailicedeNamedy says...


Thank you very much for your review, RandomTalks! :D



User avatar
700 Reviews

Points: 58801
Reviews: 700

Donate
Sat Sep 18, 2021 4:14 am
View Likes
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

Its reinforced Claire's idea that he had gone to the castle.

It reinforced
It was frightening to be in the minority in one's own country, Karoline said in a whisper as they looked for a table. Likewise, she continued, the language and religion are the same. It was the mentality that made the difference.

I am a bit confused about this paragraph. If this paragraph includes what Karoline was telling to them, I would suggest using dialogue tags. It's sometimes problematic to understand indirect speeches. And if you want to keep it as it is, I would suggest to change the "are" after religion to "were". Please clarify me on this.
She shook her head deviously as she heard herself talking. He doesn't let anyone down. He is a hero. That's when the memories of the arrest in Sehlingen surfaced...

I am not too sure about this but the lines in the present tense are Emma's thoughts, I think. If so, you should write the lines in italics.
"I just mean," she said quickly, "He helped, even if there were deaths."

I wonder about who this "he" is. Did you by any chance meant "it"?
"You mean Mr Herre. He was my superior."

I guess there will be a question mark after Herre.
"You know, I feel way too young to think about working."

Who really told this? Claire?
Now to the story itself. This part was another interesting one. There was no action but some mysteries were set in this chapter. I wonder about this Leon Antrick person. Obviously, it's not Leonard's name though it does have some similarities with his name. The question is if this person actually exists. Leonard seems to know bits about Seelenherz Inc. So, it wouldn't be a very hard task to find out about the name of an employee there. If this person exists in reality, I guess this person will somehow know about Leonard. Mr. Herre is an interesting person. This woman, i.e., Marianne März refers to him as a kind and friendly person but it is subject to further confirmation.

Hannah Goldmann. Leonard is doing things behind her back and I am afraid that people of this Abbey were folllowing him when he went to the hut. If so, he is in danger. You created a good sense of mystery about what these people told him. The readers don't know about it. Seems like Goldmann is the adopted daughter of these people and also, she is related to the orphanage. Like I guess she belonged to the orphanage before she was adopted. I wonder about her experience in the orphanage. Obviously not very pleasant because she regarded it as hell, I guess. It became clear how that person knew her.

Emma seems to have a plan for future, a full fledged plan but I wonder if that will come true by any means. There is not much probability. If Claire doesn't go back, Emma too will not be able to go back to her Aunt. If she does, I am afraid that she will be the one to be blamed by Claire's aunt for Claire's disappearance. And if Claire decides to go back, there is a chance that Emma might get the job. If she goes back, her Aunt might accept her. She doesn't seem to be a very bad individual and the same goes for Claire's father. Though he is a bit busy about his work, maybe he too will understand it. I like how you are still showing Claire's terror when thinking about her future. She prefers not to think about it.

I will get to the next part soon.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




MailicedeNamedy says...


Thank you for your review, Forever! :D




Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.
— Antonio Machado