The Uprising-Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It has been a year and three months since the Election of 2096, which arguably was the worst event in America's history since the Great Depression of 2037. The election President Bernard had expected by the population of the US, but we didn't think he would represent the United States they we he is now. Bernard seemed like the President who would make America a total dreamland. He promised better economy,better freedom, more work for minorities, and that's not the end of it. People of the United States were expected to flee the country to escape the recessed economy and strict laws passed by President Bernard and the branches of the system. Due to the Foreign Flee Acts citizens of the US who were originally born in America were not eligible to leave America. People who were here were stuck here;at least until he was out of office. He was the person who controlled the country, what could we do. The military was not as strong as it was in the early twentieth century. Since then America had lost four states due to war with Iraq. We had been in their territory so they brought the fight to our American soil. Florida, Maryland, Virginia, and Connecticut had been the target of an all out missile attack from Al Qaeda; they really showed us the meaning of weapons of mass destruction. America was not called the World Police or considered one of the strongest militias in the world. We lacked the manpower to intervene in other nations conflicts.

There had always been talk of a so called Uprising. The people who wanted to get the nation back to the way it was before. They supposedly spent the one year and three months planning to overtake President Bernard and the White House which was now located and rebuilt in Sacramento, California due to the destruction and devastation of the East side of the forty six states.

ILL CORRECT AS I GO ALONG::;

Magic Hands wrote:It has been a year and three months since the Election of 2096, which arguably was the worst event in America's history since the Great Depression of 2037. The election President Bernard had expected by the population of the US, but we didn't think he would represent the United States they we WAY he is now (<THIS SENTENCE DOESN'T REALLY MAKE SENSE.) Bernard seemed like the President who would make America a total dreamland. He promised better economy,better freedom, more work for minorities, and that's not the end of it.(WHOA WHERE DID THIS COME FROM IT WENT FROM GOOD STRAIGHT TO BAD...MIGHT WANT TO ADD AN EXTRA SENTENCE TO INTRODUCE THE PRESIDENTS "CHANGE OF HEART") People of the United States were expected to flee the country to escape the recessed economy and strict laws passed by President Bernard and the branches of the system.(<IF THEY WERE EXPECTED TO FLEE THEN HOW COME THEY COULDN'T A LITTLE CONFUSING...) Due to the Foreign Flee Acts citizens of the US who were originally born in America were not eligible to leave America. People who were here were stuck here;at least until he was out of office. He was the person who controlled the country, what could we do. The military was not as strong as it was in the early twentieth century. Since then America had lost four states due to war with Iraq. We had been in their territory so they brought the fight to our American soil. Florida, Maryland, Virginia, and Connecticut had been the target of an all out missile attack from Al Qaeda; they really showed us the meaning of weapons of mass destruction. America was not called the World Police or considered one of the strongest militias in the world. We lacked the manpower to intervene in other nations conflicts.

There had always been talk of a so called Uprising. The people who wanted to get the nation back to the way it was before. They supposedly spent [s]the[/s] one year and three months planning to overtake President Bernard and the White House COMMA which was now located and rebuilt in Sacramento, California due to the destruction and devastation of the East side of the forty six states.

Good Lord. This is probably the first time I'll say this, but prologues are meant to be a little vague, to make the reader wonder; one, whats going on; two, whats going to happen next. This prologue is good but states everything in the first page! Only put the important "makes me wonder what's going on" stuff in prologue. THEN after readers are pretty much dying for more you start the next chapter.

I Agree with everyone above, you may want to restart, but I lie the concept of the story over all.

Magic Hands wrote:It has been a year and three months since the Election of 2096, which arguably was the worst event in America's history since the Great Depression of 2037. The election President Bernard had expected by the population of the US, but we didn't think he would represent the United States they we he is now.

Bernard seemed like the President who would make America a total dreamland. He promised better economy,better freedom, more work for minorities, and that's not the end of it. People of the United States were expected to flee the country to escape the recessed economy and strict laws passed by President Bernard and the branches of the system. Due to the Foreign Flee Acts citizens of the US who were originally born in America were not eligible to leave America. People who were here were stuck here;at least until he was out of office. He was the person who controlled the country, what could we do.

The military was not as strong as it was in the early twentieth century. Since then America had lost four states due to war with Iraq. We had been in their territory so they brought the fight to our American soil. Florida, Maryland, Virginia, and Connecticut had been the target of an all out missile attack from Al Qaeda; they really showed us the meaning of weapons of mass destruction. America was not called the World Police or considered one of the strongest militias in the world. We lacked the manpower to intervene in other nations conflicts.

There had always been talk of a so called Uprising. The people who wanted to get the nation back to the way it was before. They supposedly spent the one year and three months planning to overtake President Bernard and the White House

which was now located and rebuilt in Sacramento, California due to the destruction and devastation of the East side of the forty six states.

hey, check out mine. [: I bet it's not as good as yours.

Like Uber said, this is a good idea for a story, although it seems a little half-baked. While Uber focused on specifics, I'll take a more broad approach to the story.

I'll start off with the good: Like a good Sci-Fi author, you are taking modern ideals, society and events, and bringing to the extreme. That is something that is lost on so-called Sci-Fi authors; Sci-Fi is about exaggerating flaws in today's society by having a future where those flaws are to the extreme, and showing today's society that things are wrong. Now, you are more or less paralleling the upcoming election, and although that's not quite what a Sci-Fi story should be, you have a lot to learn. Now the bad.

You need to expound on President Bernard. He promised all of these things, but suddenly he starts passing laws against the people, the economy is recessed, and people are trying to flee. What happened? When he took office he just started making these laws? And how did they pass through Congress and the Supreme Court, unless the Constitution was ripped up between now and then?

Second, Why did Al Queda attack the US at random? Guidance systems malfunctioning? Florida, Virginia, and Connecticut are hardly worth bombing; there's nothing there would severely disrupt the US economy. And you need to explain why Al Queda attacked the US in general; these attacks are 90 years in the future or so; some one had to have done something to today's terrorist organizations. I mean, Nazis were only 60-70 years ago.

I assume the Uprising is what the story will be focused on, and being so, there needs to be more information. This "Prologue" seems to just kind of stop; it feels like there should be so much more to the explanation of the Uprising besides they want Bernard out of government. And how did they know that the President was a bad man when he was elected? Bills take some time to pass (except for the major ones, and even those take a week or so), and I'm sure that some one who preached benevolence wouldn't turn around and massacre the crowd at his inauguration speech.

Overall, this could be a good story, if you work hard and fill the 3 plot holes I've ripped open (there could be more, but I don't really want to write about them). This idea, although slightly generic, could be great in the right hands and with the right ideas. I just hoped for a little more back story than what I got from this "Prologue".

The story is good for a prologue, but there are a few issues both stylistically (is that a word? it would be embarrassing if it wasn't) and grammatically.
In the beginning, you say "a year and 3 months". I, personally, think that "over a year" would fit better.
Rename "The Great Depression", maybe "The Second Great Depression" (or maybe the third, the way the economy is going now...).
The 2nd sentence is pretty mangled grammatically. I think you mean : "The people of the U.S. had expected President Bernard to be elected, but they hadn't expected him to lead the country the way he did."
Instead of "total dreamland", put in utopia, paradise, or something along those lines.

He promised better economy,better freedom, more work for minorities, and that's not the end of it.

People of the United States were expected to flee the country to escape the recessed economy and strict laws passed by President Bernard and the branches of the system. Due to the Foreign Flee Acts citizens of the US who were originally born in America were not eligible to leave America.

We had been in their territory so they brought the fight to our American soil.

America was not called the World Police or considered one of the strongest militias in the world.