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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence Mature Content

messed up little paragraph about domestic abuse, don't read if you don't have a strong stomach

by violetxorchid


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

I let my rage take over. We have so much love for each other but no love for ourselves. I don't want to hurt her, but sometimes the anger takes control. I laid my hands on her. I stopped when I saw blood, so that must mean something right? I don't want to hurt people I love, but sometimes we do things we don't want to do. The rage takes over my brain and everything turns red. I hit and bite and scratch. She had a bloody mouth, so I stopped hurting outward and started crying. Is the problem within me because I feel the need to hurt people? Is the problem within her because she forgives me and still loves me? Is there a way to stop the anger and only love each other? Can we love each other fully when we don't fully love ourselves?

This isn't real, just some thoughts I had. Have been thinking about domestic abuse issues lately and this kinda just came out. I don't know if it's a story, or an essay or what. It's not very well written and I know it's depressing. Hopefully somebody enjoyed reading it! 

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16 Reviews

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Reviews: 16

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Sat Apr 25, 2015 11:55 am
Kinzaaa wrote a review...



Its really great! I liked the way you pointed out the confusion and the curiosity in a way that it sounded more like your anger is oozing out of your words. You created an aura of confusion in terms of your love and helplessness. The topic which you've used is common and because of that girls are not that much weak anymore. I would've loved it if you had completed it in a way that goes in a positive end for the definition of love.

You are quite a narrative. You made me go through these emotions by your description in this small essay and it really affected my mood for sometime. Thanks and Keep writing :)






Thank you! :)



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107 Reviews

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Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:45 pm
ChiravianSkies wrote a review...



Hi, I'm Maddie and I'll be reviewing your work!
Well, I usually stick to longer pieces right now, but I saw the title and wondered what would be so messed up about it. Great opening line!
And now that I look at it, it's not that messed up or I'm sick in the head or something. In other words, I could write this, no problem. It'd even be in character for about four of my characters... You know. I just might be completely desensitized to violence.

I really like this. Your descriptions just work and set the mood. You could probably make the words more active though and make the work seem like it isn't from some narrator in the backdrop.
For example:

She had a bloody mouth.
You could easily re-write this as "Blood dripped from a wound on her lip." There, you could bring up that she was hurt, but not coughing up blood and choking. It also keeps the tone more in the present than in the past, even if you write in past-tense.

I think this would count more as a short story than an essay, because stories have fictional events written in prose while Essays have facts written in a series of paragraphs to get your point across.

Really, any piece of writing is awesome and I encourage you to keep writing at it. (Unless the writing is Starkit's Prohecy or My Immortal. Or Twilight. ;))
Keep wrting!
Maddie out!






Thank you! "blood dripped from a wound on her lip" is a much better way to put that, I appreciate it! Thanks also for realizing it's just a piece of fiction (:



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216 Reviews

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Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:31 pm
kevin25a wrote a review...



Well victims who choose to stay with the person are part of the problem. The majority of the blame is the one who abuses others, and if they do it something is obviously wrong with them. But if a person gets abused by they're lover and chooses to stay anyways, they are just as guilty and deserve what happens. Nobody should tolerate that, from anyone. If it happens you need to break up, divorce and anything else, report them and get a restraining order. If you stay despite what they do IT WILL happen again and again until you leave or get killed. The only way it ends if you do not leave is with you getting killed. Abusive people don't care who they hurt or how badly they do. Victims who do nothing are not any less guilty either, failing to report the incident properly means you put others at risk of facing the same fate or worse. Making passive victims just as bad and guilty.

If you choose to leave their is hundreds of places and programs you can take to protect yourself and receive any help or counselling you want or need. Most of them are free, and often provide a temporary living arrangement until you find somewhere safe. If you go to your local police station, and report it with fresh wounds or bruises you can usually get the asshole arrested that day. And officers will help you receive the services I mentioned.

But victims who do nothing and don't report it. Or try to hide it, are just as bad if not worse than the one abusing them. Because being passive like that puts many others at risk.






Some abusers definitely care about who they're hurting. You really have no way of knowing that. I've seen all sides of issues of this sort all of my life. A lot of the people who hurt people they love are doing it because they have no other outlet for their problems. I'm not saying it's right to hurt people, because it's most definitely not but it's good to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgement. You're saying all this like I'm in an abusive situation, or something of that sort. It's a piece of fiction I wrote because I've been around people hurting people and it's a tough subject, but it's good to look through other people's eyes. I appreciate you trying to help but please don't assume things. Also, if you're trying to help me out of an abusive situation or something at least learn how to correctly use "there, their and they're"



kevin25a says...


Um yeah no, take your own advice and look at all sides of a story. I have been abused and bullied physically and emotionally, and have repeated the only thing I knew back then at everyone around me until I learned what I was doing was wrong. I have been on both sides of the bullying and abuse spectrum, and I know what it's like on both sides. You have just said you have not, therefore you're obviously lack first-hand experience to know what you're talking about. You don't know me or what I have been through, so don't talk like you do because you just make a fool of yourself. Fyi I ran away and grew up living in abandoned houses because I was safer there than in my own mothers house.

People like you don't bother me anymore, but your fakeness and pretending to know what you talk about bugs a lot of people.





Except I do know what I'm talking about. I know that "fakeness" bothers people and that's why I'm laughing at this. Whatever man I'm glad it doesn't bother you anymore though, that's a good thing. Means you got over a lot of the shit you've been through.



kevin25a says...


Yes because the past is past and dwelling on the past is pointless, it's best to look forward not backwards. But you only look foolish trying to talk like you know everything someone else has been through, keep that in mind in the future.





I never claimed I know everything about your past, but you saying all this crap on a fictional story makes it seem like you might think you know more than me. I know nothing about your past, but you posted a big thing on a fictional story about abuse... Seems kind of strange.



kevin25a says...


I never said anything to suggest I knew more than anyone, I just have firsthand experience from both sides of the topic. And it was long because it was detailed, if I review something I am familiar with it will always have details.




So verily with the hardship, there is a relief, verily with the hardship, there is a relief.
— Quran Ch 94:5-6