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Young Writers Society

Smell of Midnight

by Fleur

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213 Reviews

Points: 14919
Reviews: 213

Wed Oct 25, 2023 2:14 pm
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...

Hello there, this is loveissourgrapes! Yes, I'm back because my exam week is over for the first quarter of school. I wen to YWS and I landed on this imaginary poem. I see the writer of this poem also might be slightly new here so I'm gonna say very late welcome to you too. Let's get started with a review.

From the light brought forth by artificial candlelight

This line caught me. I was able to imagine a gentle flame on top of a candle moving side to side. It was great for a opening for this sad poem, as it seems to me.

I drink in the stream from the silk of skin
The smell of midnight sinks into my heavenly bones
The aurora of pain paints my daydream rose
I've made oaths and gifted evergreen

This is how I would like to describe my sad feelings in like a cold midnight. I think the line, "the aurora of pain paints my daydream rose" is great. I think that aurora is like those things that stopped your dream or that strive that you have to do the things that you like to do. The oaths, to me, refer to those intrusive thoughts. It's good how this could be a song.

But it was never enough to satisfy the one
I've become so delicate with time, a dwindling figure
Standing and crying for the one in the mirrors grin
Each tear an incandescent shimmer of memory
Will I find myself again, whoever she may be

Referring to the one in the sixth line of this poem is like, people say, "oh yeah, you're pretty" but the one in this line is you, and you never become satisfied with your looks. The delicate to me is like, the narrator seemed hate their body because they think they are very skinny and not like the girls/boys they see around that have a body they would want to have. I love how there is hope at the end, as it states "Will I find myself again". It may be a question but it's still sound hopeful.

Over all, I have enjoyed it. It sound like thoughts you would have impulsively in the midnight. Like, "oh yeah, I hate my body". But I do hope you're okay @Lullaby, if you have written this because of you can feel this way. Thank you for writing an epic masterpiece of a poem.

Fleur says...

Thank you for your review! Yes, I am okay. All poems I post are at least months-a year old. I appreciate your comments and concern <3

AkuRashomon says...

You're welcome and stay safe!

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81 Reviews

Points: 1023
Reviews: 81

Tue Oct 24, 2023 9:45 pm
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Ley wrote a review...


I loved this piece. I usually have trouble understanding poetry, but this was absolutely marvelous. The way I interpreted it is basically a girl/boy stands in the mirror, not seeing themselves. Instead, they see someone else-- maybe hinting at a body or image disorder? I may be wrong-- but either way, this touched me in so many ways.

The way you subtly rhymed, each line was coherent with the next, and the use of vocabulary was impressive. The ending was perfect, because it pulls the whole piece together. Wonderful job!


Fleur says...

Thank you!!!

Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman