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by Fleur

the mystery of the crescent moon shined
hiding mischievously in the darkness
but the darkness can be so inspiring
it creeps in and lingers for eternities
the wind is a wolf howling its lullaby
so hauntingly eerie yet truly beautiful
and the stars stand silently to listen along

the sun beats down at the top of the hour
making one glow with salted sweat
but a break in the heat comes and goes
as quickly as the chirp of a little sparrow
the windchimes echo throughout the meadow
the lullaby only heard by the dandelions
holding desperately on to their newly blooms

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211 Reviews

Points: 23158
Reviews: 211

Sun Mar 03, 2024 7:38 am
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...

Hi there! This is Orabella, here with a review!

I absolutly love the imagery in this poem! It's so beautiful! The fact that you so effectively described nature in such an amazing way without making it cliche is incredible, and definitely something I struggle with.

This piece has such a hauntingly beautiful emotion to it, and reading through it feels both calming and unnerving at the same time. The mysterious moon hiding in the darkness can definitely be something eerie, but it's true how inspiring it can be. There are so many stories about the moon, and so many ways we connect it to our lives. And you do this throughout the poem, having things that are both beautiful and sad. The lullaby in itself is described this way, but it also seems like it would be beautiful to listen to, although it's only heard by flowers and stars. It's bittersweet.

I feel like this poem can be interpreted in a darker way, too. If the wind is the one creating the lullaby, and there are windchimes, then they are sure to make sound someone would hear. And someone would've had to be there to hang up the windchimes. Does that mean that no one is there? Is it suggesting that people that might have once been there are gone, for one reason or another? Or am I simply over-analysing?

Maybe the dandelions can be interpreted as people, and the wind and its lullaby as the world. Like the seasons, people come and go, and flowers bloom and wilt. The last line could be interpreted as people holding on to life as long as they can before they eventually wilt away. But the wind will continue to howl its melody, and the sun will continue it's cycle of rising and setting. It's kind of beautiful in a sad way, when thinking of this interpretation. On one hand, it's saying that all the flowers must eventually die. On the other, there will be more flowers to bloom, and the lullaby is eternal, and there will always be flowers or people to hear it.
It could also be said that people sometimes don't hear or see everything around them, and they're often blind to opportunities or others around them. The fact that the dandelions seem occupied trying to hold their blooms instead of listening to the lullaby might represent people and the way we can miss things happening around us.

I've been trying to think of something I could suggest to make this better, but I really can't think of much. I feel like the 01. and the 02. kind of take me out of the poem a bit, but not to a very great extent. It makes me wonder what they're for, actually? I've been trying to think of a meaning behind them, but I think I'm trying to over-analyze everything again. XD

I wanted to tell you my favorite line, but I can't decide between two of them. So, here are my two favorite lines!

the wind is a wolf howling its lullaby

I find the contrast between "howling" and "lullaby" interesting. Usually when you think of a lullaby, you'd think of a soft and sweet melody, and a wolf howling seems fearful or scary. Combining the two is something I wouldn't have thought of, but it gives an interesting different perspective, and I really like it.

holding desperately on to their newly blooms

I've already talked a bit out this, but I still think it's too cool not to talk about more! I feel like I don't fully understand what blooms could represent? I feel like it could be life, although I think it could just as easily represent other things, like beauty or loved ones.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this! ^^ I had so much fun reading and reviewing this, and this is truly a beautiful poem! Have an amazing day/night, and never forget to keep writing!

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8 Reviews

Points: 41
Reviews: 8

Fri Feb 02, 2024 8:23 pm
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JSadler wrote a review...

These poems create wonderful vivid imagery and gorgeous descriptions of two starkly different settings. I love the way you've described and personified so much of the nature and atmosphere in both. You've managed to perfectly echo the atmosphere that lullabies create - a peaceful/serene relaxation with a slightly eerie undertone (I always found lullabies ever so slightly creepy!).
my favourite line: "The stars stand silently to listen along" So well described!
I think it's a credit to your writing skills how much depth and detail you can get into such a short piece of poetry.
I am very much a beginner to poetry so I'm probably not the best person to be providing any ideas for improvement, but if i was to suggest one thing i would say maybe you could try and give the lines a more rhythmical feel to make the poems flow a bit more easily.
Again though, I love this!! Thank you for sharing your work <3

"We're just all nosy little busybodies."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi