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Too Much Blank Space, Not Enough Vomit - Ch. 2.1

by LordStar


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

"Philip!" Mrs. Garcia sang in her thick Mexican accent as the two walked into 304. She kissed her eldest son on the cheek first, then smiled warmly at Rhys and kissed him on the cheek as well. "My sweet Rhys. Here for our famous burritos, hm?"

"Si," he replied, making her laugh. She always laughed at how terrible his attempts at Spanish sounded. Mr. Garcia was in the kitchen frying tortillas, humming to himself as he did so. Lip's little brother Jose was sitting on the couch in the living room, eyes glued to the TV and an XBox controller in his hands. Lip went back into the bedroom he and Jose shared to put his keys on the stand beside the bunk bed and his jacket on the hook over the back of the door. He returned to the kitchen moments later, where Rhys was helping Mr. Garcia flatten tortillas.

"How was work?" Mrs. Garcia asked, handing Lip a water bottle from the fridge. Lip shrugged, taking a drink.

"Same as always. Scraped silicone onto some washers, screwed some nails into their places. Same soup, just reheated." He set his water bottle on the wooden kitchen table, taking the ground beef out of the fridge and putting it in the pan on the stove. Rhys handed him a spatula from the drawer and Lip began to break the ground beef up as it browned.

"And how was your day, Rhys?" Mrs. Garcia turned to the younger man, still smiling warmly. Rhys blushed a bit under the attention.

"It was good. Ethan's working late again, so thanks for letting me come bug you all."

"Never bugging us," Mr. Garcia said quickly in his gruff, low voice. "You're like a third son to us, you know that."

Rhys blushed further and focused on flattening the tortillas. As much as he liked being a son, he really wanted to be a son-in-law. He pushed the thought from his mind and handed the tortilla to Mr. Garcia to fry.

They became consumed in their work until a little while later they were all sitting in the living room, Mr. and Mrs. Garcia on the couch and the three boys sitting on the floor with their legs crossed. Each one had a stuffed burrito or taco and rice on the side. They bowed their heads and allowed Mr. Garcia to lead them in saying grace.

"Amen," they all said in unison, then opened their eyes and dug into their food. Rhys closed his eyes again as he chewed, fireworks going off in his mouth. If he could marry food, the Garcia burrito would be it. The only thing he loved more than this burrito was cocaine.

He focused his eyes on the TV, where House Hunters was playing, as the family chatted idly in Spanish around him. Oddly enough, he missed his mom. It wasn't often he thought of her, not after she had left them for the glamour of Los Angeles, but seeing the way Mrs. Garcia cared about her boys - and Rhys himself - made his heart ache for the woman he hardly knew. The people on the show picked the third house. Rhys finished his burrito.


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Wed May 08, 2019 5:02 pm
LordWolf wrote a review...



Alright. Back once again.

"Philip!" Mrs. Garcia sang in her thick Mexican accent as the two walked into 304. She kissed her eldest son on the cheek first, then smiled warmly at Rhys and kissed him on the cheek as well. "My sweet Rhys. Here for our famous burritos, hm?"


I quoted this line because it's involved in several different parts of my commentary.

I do like the character of Mrs. Garcia because she's just the automatically accepting and automatically nice person. She's along the version of the later Leah, even though that's entirely different dynamic. But it has that level of acceptance. And further on in this chapter you're talking about how much she cares for her children, how Rhys sort of falls into being considered as one of those children, and this is just the supportive family that he needs.

It's the sort of stability I don't see very often for Rhys.

Rhys's mild comments about how he wants to be involved in their family, how he wants to be with Lip, is a very light line. It does balance out a lot of the other things going on her and it's a reminder to the reader that Rhys is human. Rhys is a teenage boy that is somewhat hopelessly in love with his best friend, and the presence of that trope just brings a heart ache to the story. Especially when we get to be much, much later on. But in this moment it's a more innocent heartache and that's a good thing for drawing the readers in.

One thing, just stylistically, is that you might want to take that very last sentence and make it into its own line. I think that level of separation might do some good for the final effect of that line as we are moving along in this story. And I know that this will lead into something more, but making it be its own should pull more of an effect for now.

Alright I'll catch you on the next chapter.
- Jack <3




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Thu Apr 18, 2019 11:42 pm
DougalOfBiscuits wrote a review...



Hey, thought I might as well review this one too since it's so short.

Nit-picks and nice moments:

"Si," he replied, making her laugh. She always laughed at how terrible his attempts at Spanish sounded.

Hmmm idk how you mess up a single syllable.

If he could marry food, the Garcia burrito would be it. The only thing he loved more than this burrito was cocaine.

Hehehe I like this a lot. Very down to earth.

as the family chatted idly in Spanish around him

This seems slightly rude, no? He's basically a guest.

Overall:

There isn't as much to say about this one as it's a good bit shorter for a start. There's also less contentious stuff happens. Broadly, this was good character introduction.

I did forget that Rhys considered Lip a love interest. Granted if I had been reading this as a book rather than weeks apart on yws that would likely not have happened, but might be worth maintaining it in a show don't tell way. Accidental contact, Rhys catching himself getting lost in Lip's eyes or something less goo-ey. Some indication of where Rhys thinks Lip stands would also be good. Although, with his perspective introduced last chapter, you could just straight up tell us and we could watch in slow motion as that young love flourishes/comes crashing down. That's subjective though, just a thought.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

p.s. ignore my last nit-pick from last chapter. i forgot the garcias were his neighbours





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