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Speak Your Mind

by Lionhero333


Speak your mind, Speak your mind

Speak your mind, brother

Speak your mind sister

Speak your mind child

To any listening ear

To any closed mouth

Speak your mind to your fears

May they shake and break when they hear

Speak your mind and mountains will scurry

Speak your mind and dreams will come true

Speak your mind, because they locked your jaw

Tide your hands, hid the damn key, swung you from trees,

You are born from Willow branches

We are lost

Speak your mind so you can be found

Speak your mind and be un-folded

The voice yarns to heard

From the top of my head to my chest

The voiceis like fire, the voice is like the strong wind

Speak you mind, speak your mind

Speak you mind

Cus no other is like yours


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178 Reviews


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Sat Nov 09, 2019 10:22 pm
EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway

First Impression
This was deep. I am so pleased to find someone who can actually speak their mind (:. I'm sorry if I was late in reviewing your work.

Nitpicks and Errors
For starters you misspelled the word voices in this sentence-

The voiceis like fire, the voice is like the strong wind


Finally I'll tackle your last few lines-
Speak you mind, speak your mind
Speak you mind
Cus no other is like yours

That should be written like this-
Speak your mind, because no other is like yours

Now, I'm okay with using words like cuz, or you, like you did, but it's not exactly grammatical.

Style & Flow
Nothing to critique here.

Overall you did an amazing job!

EverLight Out




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Mon Nov 04, 2019 3:20 am
FloraPoems wrote a review...



Hey Lionhero, I just wanted to let you know that overall your poem is great. The repetition brings across your message very clearly and feels almost lyrical. I feel like the most impactful line is “You are born from the Willow branches”, it feels so significant and the use of “you” really involves the reader in the message you are giving. The un-folded part confuses me a bit, but I think that may just be me not fully understanding what you meant. Besides a few grammatical errors, your poem is fantastic, well done!




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Sat Nov 02, 2019 2:13 pm
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hello Lionhero333, Katja here to review your poem. As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all suggestions I make if you feel they are not helpful. That being said lets get on to the review! :)

Overall Opinion

I love the message. The poem repeats and emphasizes the need to speak one's mind and the idea of your opinion and ideas being powerful. I especially liked that you ended this poem by saying there is no mind like our own. It is very true, we are unique with unique ideas and unique thoughts. The act of speaking one's mind is very powerful in many cases. :)

I feel like the flow is a bit off. Poetry is very malleable and doesn't require strict lines and rhyme schemes to work, however the flow is a bit chaotic and took a lot of attention away from the actual meaning. For example, the first seven lines show a mix of starting off with "speak your mind" and two lines "to any..." but mixed in there. The lines vary in length and overall flow oddly as an example. Another good example of this is....

Tide your hands, hid the damn key, swung you from trees,

You are born from Willow branches

We are lost


I really enjoyed this poem and with a little more focus on rhythm and flow you have the makings of a well-written poem. :)

Suggestions

Speak your mind, Speak your mind

Speak your mind, brother

Speak your mind, sister

Speak your mind, child


Commas should be before sister and child as well since you are addressing them directly (comma experts correct me if i'm wrong!).

Speak your mind, because they locked your jaw

Tide your hands, hid the damn key, swung you from trees,


Firstly, "tide" should be "Tied"

These lines are a good example why 1. flow and rhythm are important and 2. why punctuation in poetry can be very important too. In the "Tide your hands" line, it seems like you are starting a new statement due to the lack of punctuation at the end of each line and capital at the start of this line. For example if we made each line connect we would use a comma or period to end each line. Using a few lines from your poem I'll show you what I mean...

Speak your mind to your fears ,

may they shake and break when they hear .

Speak your mind and mountains will scurry .

Speak your mind and dreams will come true .

Speak your mind, because they locked your jaw [color=red,[/color]

tied your hands, hid the damn key, swung you from trees .


Notice now that the sentence stands out as not being finished and carries on into the "tide your hands" line. Now we understand the tenses of "tied", "hid", and "swung" whereas my first read through I was confused because I did not understand that it was a continuation of the previous line "...locked your jaw...."

The voice yarns to heard


yarns should be yearns

The voiceis like fire,


space between voice and is

Cus no other is like yours


"Cus" would sound better spelled out as "'Cause" or "Because" since the poem is formal using text chat or shortened words can throw off the poems seriousness. While not technically incorrect, it fits better to either stick with informal or formal ways of writing and can catch the reader off guard if random. That's just my take on it though!

Summary

I really do love your poem and apart from these minor issues, your poem sends a very meaningful message of not holding back and speaking your mind. My favorite line was

You are born from Willow branches


And this type of metaphor and imagery can be a strong point in poetry. I encourage you to try poetry with more imagery and metaphors! :)

I look forward to reading more of your work soon and I hope my review was helpful!

Keep Writing,

~Katja




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Thu Oct 31, 2019 4:20 pm
Neetika wrote a review...



Hey!
I really love the flow of the poem, I was pretty much singing rather than reading this!
Your writing is giving such a meaningful message potraying we are unique and so is our voice and your thoughts. Bringing out our concerns and emotions and putting it out to the world.
The Repetition of the lines is really adding more impact to what you are trying to convey!
Amazing!!




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Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:33 pm
Honora wrote a review...



Hey there! I’m here like I promised! :) I’ll warn you, I suck at poetry so this may be a useless review lol

To start, I really like the theme of what you’re trying to get across. Speaking your mind is so important and some people really need to know that. Some people need to quiet down to let others speak up!
In general, the flow was very good and I liked the format you chose. The only line that I had a hard time with as a disruption to the flow is:
Tide your hands, hid the damn key, swung you from trees,
I’m not sure how you could fix it (or even if it needs fixing) but it’s the only one I though ya bit off. :)
I really like it and I look forward to reading more of your work!

Your friend,
Honora <3



Random avatar
Lionhero333 says...


Thank you so much. I actually have a few chapters og my fantasy novel, SEEKERZ posted if you want to look at those. Once again thank you for any feedback you can give.



Honora says...


Ok cool! I will check those out! :D



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Wed Oct 30, 2019 9:33 pm
Jellibelli wrote a review...



I love the repetition, especially with the "Speak your mind." It really flows well, especially since you keep a consistent theme throughout the poem.
I'm interested in the addition of more colloquial speech at the end. Was that purposeful? Even if it wasn't, I honestly enjoyed it. It made it feel more personal, like the author was talking directly to the reader. The imagery was especially moving as well, so I hope you keep that as a consistent theme in your work!



Random avatar
Lionhero333 says...


Thanks for the review, really. I have some other work too if you want to look at them.




"I think; therefore, I am."
— René Descartes