Hi Laurenlovely!
Yes, I'm back for more. I saw this sitting in the Green Room, and couldn't resist dropping in for a review.
I think I mentioned plenty of times before, but Tiny is still super adorable! <3 Honestly, he sounds so cute, and while he's not a puppy, he certainly acts/thinks like one! (Or at least, how I think a puppy might think :p). All innocent and afraid and stuff. You're doing a fantastic job at keeping up with the consistency of his voice. It was also great to see some of his history, though it is sad. I wonder what happened to his mother, and why she never returned...
I had a small nagging thought when I first started reading this Stray series, and it's only grown as I continue reading. Like, I said, you seem to be doing good with consistency - except on one thing.
So why am I scared now? I’m a big dog, the one they call Tiny, the dog that always scares others.
In the very beginning, you mention Tiny is a big dog who can easily scare others, but I haven't seen that even once. It's like you kind of want us to have this idea that Tiny is fearless, but the problem is, he doesn't act like it! He's scared of spiders, the dark, the forest, and now he's scared with his head stuck in a hole. It'd be okay if you established Tiny as a big dog who happens to be afraid of many things (which might trace back to the unexpected disappearance of his mother, some may say...) and so all his experiences in this series would make sense. He's a fearful dog, getting caught in some of his fears. But that's not how it came about, you see. You said he was scary and tough, but don't give us any evidence of that.
That was my main critique but I did have a couple other things I wanted to point out:
When I wake up I see trees. Lots of trees. “Where am I?” I mutter. I stand up and notice that this is not the tree that I slept next to yesterday. What if the pack brought me here, yeah, the pack probably did it. They were mad at me yesterday, so this my punishment.
I'm having a hard time figuring out how a pack of dogs can drag another dog somewhere else, yet the other dog never realized it until he woke up...? Is he a really heavy sleeper, or something?? Because that was just a little hard to believe.
I sit down against a tree and -trying to hide my fear of being in this creepy place- start to doze off.
OH MY WORD! xD That is the funniest and cutest thing ever. I couldn't help laughing. He's such a dog! <3
No matter how many times you mention Tiny is a big dog, I can't seem to get it in my head! >.< I think it might be because his name is Tiny, haha; but also because he's afraid half the time. He simply sounds like a gullible little pup, who needs a hug.
You're doing a good job with this story, and I hope you keep it up!
cheerios!
~rosette
Points: 16802
Reviews: 276
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