Published March 10, 2019
Fear
Of heights, or is it falling?
Fear
Of the dark, or is it the ghosts in that hide?
Fear
Of rejection, or of being embarrassed
Fear
Of falling or is it landing
Fear
Of the ghosts or what they'll do
Fear
Of being embarrassed or is it the shameful feeling?
Fear
Any fear can be traced to death.
People have anxiety
Everybody bleeds
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140,072 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hey Vendetta! I'm here for a review.
Your poem doesn't need any suggestions. Its beautiful and complete and wonderfully written. I like the way you portray the feeling of fear. The actual fear behind the unreasonable fear. And the fact that we hide this from ourselves. 'Cause when we say we are afraid of the dark, we believe our own story, even though our subconscious knows its fake. The way you've written it is realistic. The repetition of fear gives the flavour to this poem(and makes me think the title should be fear not anxiety!)
This line hits hard. And that makes it amazing. The fact that all fears come down to one truth, one sentence. I liked that idea.
And this, as also said by ReeN_beNa is really the most poetic line.
So , yeah! I loved your poem.
Keep writing
Thank you!
"Everybody bleeds"
I like the way this last line of the poem hits me.
This is a nice poem, good job on portraying something very realistic in such few words. That's very nice.
Again, I like the way the word, "Fear" is constantly repeated. To me, it feels as if you are making an emphasis on the relation between anxiety and fear.
The punctuation in the poem is also one thing i find interesting. There isn't a lot of them running through the poem, but where ever a comma or a question mark appeared was so on point. Nice work.
Finally i like the outline of the poem. The spaces in between each line,the arrangement of each sentence, that is very nice.
Good job pal. I really liked it.
Thank you!
Hello Jade! I really enjoyed reading this poem as have many cause its wonderful. You have so beautifully expressed what lies behind our fears and what behind that.
It is very relatable.
Fear
Of rejection, or of being embarrassed
Especially these lines.How true!! Whenever we are insulted or rejected, we tend to worry more about what people will say rather than how it is affecting us.
And the ending! What an ending!
People have anxiety
Everybody bleeds
^ These lines were smashing.
You rock! Keep up the good work!!
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it
Hi Jade! Congratulations on being named Featured member, you totally deserve it! I'm here to give you a review on this poem of yours.
First: Structure
Since this is poetry, this section isn't really that serious, i'm just bringing it up to say that your structure is great. I just though that the last few lines broke off my flow.
The idea behind the poem is completely and wholeheartedly awesome. Yes, fear really is related to only death - a person who's afraid of heights fears falling (but actually, the sensation of it is good, it's the landing on the ground at 100 miles per that hurts); a person who's afraid of crowds fears (believe this) that he/she might get trampled (some sources have claimed.)
Ah, I have deranged from the path (i tend to do that).
Okay, favourite part:
(obviously)
Like I said before, your last lines seem off - they don't quite fit. This is mainly because you suddenly veer off from the structure you'd managed to stick through until then. It doesn't really look good. Remember, structure and rhythm is the basic foundation of a poem - you get that to be acceptable, your poem will automatically be better.
Anyway, great poem, i liked it very much (i said that somewhere up there already, didn't I?). Keep writing, and I hope to read more from you.
Thank you a million!
Good poem jade.I love the structure,sound and imagery of the poem.Keep writing and posting such works😊.
Thank you! I'm about to post one called You Broke Me
I will be eagerly waiting for it.
It's out! Hope you enjoy it
Hi there Jade. It’s Morgan.
I had just recently reviewed a poem by 1nspire, and I saw one of your reviews. You said something like poetry wasn’t something that you would normally do, but honestly, you should consider on doing them more often. This poem just shows that you are qualified to do more of them often and if you do...I’ll totally be excited to review them.
So..time for the actual review. I think you did pretty well on this poem. I can totally relate to this poem because- one; I have anxiety issues and two; I have nyctophobia (the fear of the dark) I mean, it sucks but I did some research and having nyctophobia can mean I just have a wild imagination. Which....is pretty true.
Anyway, for this poem, I would suggest maybe being consistent with the punctuation here (just like what starryknight said) also, It’s not mandatory, But on the last part it said,
“Fear
Any fear can lead to death”
Since You don’t have a period after “fear” and you’re not referring to any fear, I would suggest having it more like this...
“Fear
For any fear can lead to death.”
That’s all. I think you did good with the rest of it. So yeah...I totally consider doing more poetry and I can’t wait to review more of your work.
Thank you for the review!
I'm about to post one called You Broke Me
Ok!!!!!!!! Can%u2019t wait to review it!!!!!!
Hey, Dogs here for a review!
I'm a little late, but WELCOME TO YWS! My name is Dogsrule5 but feel free to call me Dogs! I know you'll just love it here in our community, and I'm so excited to be reviewing one of your works. It was really good and the review is only a paragraph away! If you have any questions, comments, and/or concerns about YWS please let me know and I can help you out by sending you to some links that will get you information, or I can try to answer them to the best of my abilities! I hope you like it here in our little writing community! Well I'm off to go write the review, but a pleasure to meet you and read your work! The review is down below!
Let me start off by saying that this poem has a very good concept. In all truthfulness I think everyone goes through anxiety (whether is being about a test, or something much major). I can relate to this poem because I have a lot of anxiety.
Moving on I think there are a few things you could change or do to make this poem better, so let me point out tiny errors/suggestions to help your writing improve.
Sorry if I end up sounding harsh or hurt your feelings, I'm not trying to, I'm simply trying to help.
1)
Now on this line, I understand what you're trying to say, but the wording is a little awkward. I had to read this line a few times only because the wording is so awkward, but here are some suggestions that might help fix that.
You could say something like
"...or is it the ghosts that hide in it" or
"....Or is it the ghosts that are hiding"
lastly instead of hiding I think you could also change the word to lurking, so instead saying.
"Or is it the ghosts lurking in the dark" or "or is it the ghosts lurking in it" or something along those lines. I think using the word lurking will give more emphasis on the fear of ghosts/dark that a person may have. (I hope this makes sense, if not please reply and I can try to help you make sense of what I'm trying to say).
2)
This is just a suggestion, but I feel as if you could go way more in depth with this poem. By only talking about fears, you seem to be referring to more phobias, where as anxiety kind of deals with everything. At least to me anxiety is more of this nervousness or having nerves that everyone around you is judging you, and that you're ugly, and stuff like that. Like I get scared to go out with my friends with the nervousness they'll judge me, and my heart starts beating, and I think you could incorporate stuff like that.
I think you could leave what you have hear, but instead of ending it at after "of being embarrassed or is it the shameful feeling?" I think you could add more then being to talk about how anxiety is so much more than just a phobia because honestly it is. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all and I'm sorry if that was super rude. I'm really not trying to be. I just think you could go so much more in depth with this poem, and go deeper with it. You have a great start, and a good base, now I think you should just add more, and make this poem something even greater than what it already is.
That's all the suggestions and errors I found!
Overall I really do believe this poem is going places, I think you just need to go deeper with it. It's very good, and I really think you have an amazing start. Like a "ahead of the game start" (that made no sense but whatever XD).
Anyway, this poem has a good base, and you could do so many things with it. I hope you end up making it even better than it is. Don't worry, if you don't want to change it, I won't be offended!
Great poem, I can't wait to read more works from you in the future because you're a great writer!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thank you so much for the welcome and review. I'll be sure to edit this with your suggestions! I can tag you when it's finished if you'd like?
Sure I'd love to read it after you work on it please do tag me! Thanks for the follow by the way!
*follows back*
Hey!
I liked this. It's well written. The only thing I suggest is to keep your question marks consistent, but that's not a huge deal.
Anyway, the last line is great.
Good job!
I can't wait to read more of your art.
-M
Thank you for the review! I'll be sure to keep punctuation consistent in the future