z

Young Writers Society


16+

Delta - 12

by Brigadier


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

December 21, 4140

3:00 pm

Will had watched very carefully from Jud’s office, as more of Harry’s life was revealed. She always knew that Harry had a lot of secrets, but she had never quite cared before. She loved Harry and she would love her no matter what had happened in the past, which no one in the room seemed to know about.

Except for Cati.

What were the odds that two people would show up on the same day, claiming to be a part of Harry’s real past? And thereby claiming that Harry was not just 26. Instead, she was now some ancient thing or at least a semi-old thing, a far jump away from the age Will had been told. Some of it started to piece together in her mind –

“Alright cow pokes, get out of the office. All the secret business is done.”

Harry called to all of them from the front office and as Will tried to step out, she was pulled to Harry’s side.

“Harry, let go. I need to make more tea.”

“No, we need to go upstairs and discuss something.”

Will glanced over to Glenn, the other newcomer, who was slowly wrapping his foot in a bandage and she almost tsked at the blood dripping on the carpet. Of course, she should have been more concerned with the person bleeding out, but she wanted to forget that even happened. Harry was known to be violent and Will knew that she had hurt people worse than that, it was just the fact it had happened in their office. In their essential living room.

Harry kept dragging her up the back steps and didn’t stop when they got to the landing for the living space. Will decided to resist, stepping back into the kitchen, and soon found her feet in the air as she was being slung over Harry’s shoulder.

“Put me down. You’re gonna hurt both of us.”

Harry kept up the position for the two flights of stairs to the roof, despite how Will tried to wiggle free. Violence and kidnapping was one thing when it was a mobster, but this just reminded her of her mother. Of her father. Of that planet they had the misfortune to land and die on.

By the time they reach the roof, Will was overcome by the memories of being protected and by her parents taken away, thrown into the abyss. Right off the top of a building, though much more religious than the top of the warehouse, which was littered with pigeons and lizards. Will tried to straighten out her thoughts that were running around at an unknown speed but her focus just kept dancing to the waltz playing slowly.

She thought that the song must have been playing from memory, before noticing that Harry was playing the song from a small drive.

“Harry, are you alright?”

Even as Will said the words, she knew the answer would not be anything good and that questioning Harry in times like these, led to violence. She loved Harry and Harry was the first partner to ever treat her equally in a relationship, but Will also recognized the dangerous trend that she followed. That Harry had as many anger issues as the rest of the people she had tried to stay with and failed at.

“Today was just a bit unexpected, that’s all. And I’m sorry that you had to find this all out at one time.”

Harry broke the silence quickly and soon fell back into it, turning into the skyline of the city, haunted by numerous dark clouds.

“It’s going to rain, Will. It’s going to rain and wash away the blood that’s still on the streets all over this city. This country. Maybe it’ll even wash away the evidence of the entire world, in those stupid cities like Alpha and Beta.”

Will suddenly noticed the whiskey bottle that had appeared from nowhere and was branded with a label she had never seen before. She thought momentarily about ripping it away from Harry’s hand, trying to keep her sober for when they had to go back downstairs. But she realized how she needed to be peaceful now, how she always had to be the one to keep it under control.

“So, what are you drinking?”

“Just something Glenn brought me. Well one of a couple of things he brought me, but I don’t even know where he found it.”

Will picked up the square bottle, carefully reading the label, and repeating the words aloud.

“Jack Daniel’s? What’s the problem with it?”

“It’s contraband. There’s a two hundred thousand unit fine on one bottle that you could buy for less than thirty on Earth.”

She sat it back on the ledge and tried to wipe her fingerprints off the glass.

“So what does that mean?”

“That I forgot how much Glenn loved me.”

“Oh.”

The mention of someone else loving Harry always shocked her a bit. And as she started to find out more about Harry’s life, specifically how long her partner had been around, Will started to worry about how many people there had been. Will knew Harry was a bit free with her choices when it came to the more romantic topics and she certainly knew that Harry was familiar with the block.

Harry moved her arm around Will’s waist and looked down on her,

“It was a long time ago and you have nothing to worry about. Anyone that I might have known or been with, will not be coming back.”

“You say that but Ita hangs around and Glenn just showed up.”

Harry ran her hand through Will’s tight curls and kissed her forehead.

“Ita was just a cover, darling. And I have to talk to her, she’s our main source of income.”

Will wanted to pull away but instead she leaned further into the cold form holding her.

“And you know that bothers me too.”

“What?”

“Working for all of those people and doing all of those horrible things.”

Harry motioned to the chair at her left and it came sliding across the rooftop, a slight screeching when it hit the lead pipe sticking up in the middle. When it arrived, she sunk down and pulled Will onto her lap, still holding tight onto Will’s waist. Again, Will wanted to wriggle away and she considered fighting back with every instinct that told her to flee a situation. If she hadn’t noticed the gun belt still hanging from Harry’s hip, Will would have interpreted the situation differently.

“What I do now isn’t all that horrible. Not compared to what I used to do and that’s why I just don’t like to tell you things.”

She didn’t want to know but still Will asked, “What were the worse things?”

Harry brushed the hair out of Will’s eyes again and moved the whiskey bottle to beside the chair.

“I was a soldier and that’s all you really want to know.”

“No. I want you to tell me the whole truth for once, rather than just slinking off every time it gets serious.”

“I’m sure you know that I’ve killed a lot of people.”

Will shifted in the awkward chair position.

“I’ve assumed things.”

“And it’s happened in a lot of ways and I’ve been involved in so many illegal things.” She lifted the bottle and poured a bit more into her glass. “Such as things like this. But usually not as calm.”

“Oh so all things criminal. That’s nice.”

“Not all things. But a lot of bad things, yes. We should go inside before anyone worries.”

Will took the glass from Harry’s hand, sipping down a bit of the whiskey and remembering why she didn’t drink anything hard.

“Who were your types of clients?”

“You know that scene in the Godfather when Kay is talking to Michael about like how he’s not like his father?”

“Probably not. But tell me anyways.”

“Well Kay accusing him of sounding naïve and tells him ‘Senators and presidents don’t have men killed.’”

“So?”

“That’s who I worked for. Mob bosses, senators and presidents. The richest people of the richest planets who wanted the skeletons in their closets to stop rattling.”

The jazz music kept playing and Will started to piece together story in her mind. One where Harry wasn’t as much the knight in shining armor, as the spirit waiting in the shadows behind every street corner. Harry always ended up being a reminder of her father, who was a mostly clean investigator who just happened to get involved with the wrong people. Will didn’t want the same thing to happen to Harry but she was hiding just as many secrets as the other.

“Harry, ya know, that’s a little dramatic.”

“Oh I know but I love it, just like I love you.”

Harry touched her lips to Will’s forehead and Will smelled the coating on her breath. For anyone else, it should have been very bad sign and that they should get off the roof immediately, but Will was trying to trust her.

“I was going to wait a couple of days but if I’m spilling my soul already, I might as well.”

Harry groaned a bit as she lifted Will into the spot in the chair and dug around in her pockets at the same time. Will touched her arm and tried to imagine the pain Harry was in as she slowly got down on one knee. Harry took a small black box out of her front pocket and Will wondered how she hadn’t spotted it before.

“What are you doing?”

“Willard Deanna Thankless, god I can’t get over that name. Will, will you marry me?”

“What?”

Harry looked down at the box and back at Will.

“Is this not how it works on Zinnia?”

“Um no.”

“Well the Lord hates a coward, so I had to do it my way. Would it be better if I stood up?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

Harry shifted to her other knee and stayed there while both of them tried to figure out what they wanted to do. Will just wanted to reach out and grab her, and say something like, “Marry me already, you fool.” But that wasn’t her place or her role or reflective of the kind of person was. Will didn’t even think she had the courage to spring forth with the level of confidence to be dominant. Lines like that were saved for people like Harry.

“Harry, marry me already, you fool.”

Or maybe those lines weren’t so reserved.

Rather than getting a vocal answer, Will found herself further pushed against the lounge chair and Harry’s lips were on her own. She would have preferred to have been a bit more on top but Harry’s arms her waist reminded again of the comfort she wanted. A few small spines poked against her arms, scratching for a bit, until Harry moved her leather jacket into a blanket between them.

“Sorry.”

As Will reached her arms back around Harry’s neck, she kissed her amid saying, “No problem.”

They continued down this path until there was a crash on the building across from theirs when the door swung open. Two people were fighting on the rooftop with their guns out and Will had to haul herself up on Harry’s back to be able to see it properly. She couldn’t hear the arguing but she knew Harry could by the look in her lover’s eyes.

There was a scream, followed by one of the fighters taking a swan dive off the building and onto the row of cars below.

Harry turned back to Will and whispered into her ear while getting situated again.

“Where is Nitti?”

Will was confused for a second and then realized where the phrase was from. She wasn’t quite sure what the response was and guessed.

“He’s in the car?”

Harry had moved to kissing her neck and moved back up to say, “Yes. Perfect.”


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1085 Reviews


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Sun Sep 30, 2018 7:38 pm
Mea wrote a review...



This'll be my last one for you today, so let's make it a good one.

Harry did it! I'm glad she finally did. I've actually been pretty invested in their relationship just from what I've read so far. I did it surprising that Will was so surprised, since we know Will already knew, but I guess she was just surprised about the manner of the proposal.

If she hadn’t noticed the gun belt still hanging from Harry’s hip, Will would have interpreted the situation differently.

Yeah, I gotta seriously echo Blue's concern. I was really liking it, but everything Will is thinking in this chapter about being nervous and wanting to get away is just a massive set of red flags. And Harry acts so controlling here, it seems beyond "complicated past but genuine relationship" and well into "actually controlling/abusive or will turn into controlling/abusive". I'm not sure if you were intending it to come off that strong, but it definitely adds a concerning dynamic to the proposal.

The first part of this, before they got to the roof and started talking, read a lot more awkwardly than the rest of the chapters I've read. There are times where you have awkward or wrong grammatical constructions that just make the sentence or paragraph really confusing or feel stilted and odd. Here, a lot of Will's thoughts are like that, and it makes it hard to focus on what they say about her character. For example:
Right off the top of a building, though much more religious than the top of the warehouse, which was littered with pigeons and lizards.

The building is much more religious? I don't know, but something grammatically weird is happening here that makes this sentence really confusing.

“It’s going to rain, Will. It’s going to rain and wash away the blood that’s still on the streets all over this city. This country. Maybe it’ll even wash away the evidence of the entire world, in those stupid cities like Alpha and Beta.”

This is a great quote. It's so atmospheric and indicative of Harry's mindset, and it's especially good when paired with the image of the bottle of Jack Daniel's.

“Harry, marry me already, you fool.”

Or maybe those lines weren’t so reserved.

This is a small thing, but I felt the dramatic flow would work better if these two lines were reversed. Right now, the "marry me" line is really out of the blue, and the second line feels obvious/repetitive since yeah, she just said that.

And okay, time to wrap this up. I know you don't have enough consistent reviewers for this story and I feel bad about that, but although I've enjoyed this foray, this kind of story isn't really my style and I don't have the time to add something else to review regularly to my plate. But I hope these few reviews have helped. To end with my usual signature, good luck, and keep writing!




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Fri Sep 21, 2018 12:50 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Okay I know I've been all about Harry + Will from Harry's perspective but from Will's perspective I actually find this a little concerning?! Has Harry ever gotten violent with Will? Like Will spends roughly half this scene thinking about the things she could say or do but won't because if she said or did them just now Harry would get violent, or else sort of trying to squirm away from Harry as Harry tries to hold her and kiss her, and long story short, I am Concerned.

I mean, I guess a lot of crap is going to come with someone who's actually hundreds of years old and an ex-soldier and a current PI and from another planet and trying to emulate yet another planet. But still.

Funnily enough, prior to all that, I thought it was kind of nice that Will wasn't actually concerned about Harry being hundreds of years older than she thought? And also that she loved Harry despite knowing Harry's killed many people. Actually, I think I was biased there because a) how many readers don't love a good age-inappropriate romance when one of the parties is ancient and therefore all romances must be age-inappropriate and b) how many readers don't continue loving characters who have killed many, many people and are arguably Not Good?

Chapter 12: in which lizz satirizes readers and their unending love of the worst characters

With that line you showed me last night in WFP, 10/10 for the context you placed it in. It's a great line and you used it really well. An extra 10/10 for having Will actually say, "Marry me, you fool." I can't exactly say I heard that in @scribbleinks' voice, because you can't really hear something in someone's voice if you've only ever spoken to them by typing, but I heard that in scribs' voice. I probably should have heard it in the voice of an amorous Disney villain instead.





I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield