Young Writers Society

This is a short informative essay on a very dark place in world history.

I think you did a great job getting in the numbers and locations, for someone who had no idea what Bergen-Belson was before reading, this would be a great introduction to them to get the main ideas.

Some things I think could be improved:

1) You mention several times that the Bergen-Belson camp held those who were Jews and others who the Nazis deemed to be "undesirables" you don't clarify until the end who the "undesirables" are but because you reference it so often I think you should clarify earlier on.

2)

Bergen-Belsen’s living conditions were initially better than those in other concentration camps. The prisoners were allowed to bring personal belongings to Bergen-Belsen and they could wear civilian clothing as opposed to prison garb. Even though they had these freedoms, life was still very difficult.

Concentration camps like Bergen-Belsen stand as a reminder for the world that just because someone is different, they should not be discriminated against.

Hi Piano Girl!

It's a fairly objective essay. I didn't know about Bergen-Belsen before. I decided not to google it before reading the essay. Just to see to what extent the essay informs me and how it makes me feel about this specific concentration camp.

I can gather that it was a concentration camp -- one of the many -- during the second world war. 50,000 people were imprisoned and all of them were either dead or severely malnourished by the time the Allies liberated them. That sets the picture for how gruesome it was to be in one of those camps.

"Bergen-Belsen was a horrific prisoner of war and concentration camp established by the Nazis in Germany in 1940."

I wondered for a second if Bergen-Belsen was a person; a prisoner of war; maybe he was the person the camps were named after. It got cleared up when I read "The Origins of Bergen-Belsen." Maybe ".. a horrific prisoner-of-war camp" could be a clearer way of presenting this information. But this sentence still feels a little misplaced. I feel like it should have come earlier in Introduction. Or you could just exclude this sentence totally as the origin and the nature of the camps is talked about in the latter paragraph.

In the second line of "The Origins of Bergen-Belsen," Bergen-Belsen is missing a hyphen.

"Nearly all the prisoners at Bergen-Belsen came from other camps, such as Auschwitz. Bergen-Belsen was made up of three smaller camps. The “prisoners’ camp” was one of these three camps."

This might be subjective and more of an opinion, but I think this part would have flowed better if there was some variation in the structure of the sentences. Or maybe the word "camp" pops up too many times. That is understandable too considering the subject of the essay.

The Origins paragraph was informative enough.

"Bergen-Belsen’s living conditions were initially better than those in other concentration camps."

I was failing to see how that may be. It's still a concentration camp. They still died in the end, right? But the magic word here is "initially." Considering the reputation that concentration camps held, allowances like being able to bring something in with you, to wear your normal clothing must have seemed like a big deal to the prisoners. We have to wonder if, initially, some of the prisoners actually wondered maybe it's a sign, maybe this one will be differently. That makes those privileges -- if you can call them that -- just the more cruel. So, I think it was an interesting sentence to start the paragraph "Life At Bergen-Belsen" with.

"One hundred eighty people shared one toilet.."

Maybe it can be phrased better and more accurately as "Every one hundred and eighty people shared one toilet."

".. entire family members were brought to the camp."

It may be more accurate to say ".. entire families were brought to the camp."

"Unfortunately, as many as 14,000 liberated from Bergen-Belsen died shortly thereafter."

It makes me wonder. The camp was set up in 1940. Between 1943 and 1944, the Nazis sent at least 14,600 people to Bergen-Belsen, including 2,750 children. The 14,000 prisoners were liberated in 1945. So, what are the chances that most of the people that were liberated in 1945 were imprisoned in that 1943-44 period? What does that mean for the actual living conditions in that camp? Did they bring in so many people into the camp in that period (1943-44) specifically because a lot of the initial prisoners had died just before? Making use of the now-available-camp-space? That'd mean the condition that the Allied forces found the prisoners in; malnourished, nearly dead, dead; it took just a year for the camp to this to most of the prisoners. Or maybe the numbers aren't related at all.

The essay definitely makes me think and ask questions.

"Concentration camps like Bergen-Belsen stand as a reminder for the world that just because someone is different, they should not be discriminated against."

Maybe there's more to be added here (unless there's a word limit to the essay). Because Bergen-Belsen seems to be a reminder of more than just that. For example, what can happen when one person has too much power, if we start to think it's okay to impose our will/values on somebody else etc. But what you wrote is still a solid, specific note to end on.

I think the essay does its job. It's precise yet informative. It'll leave even the most uninformed reader with a basic knowledge of the nature of WWII concentration camps.

I hope the review helps. Have a good day and keep writing!

Excelsior!

~MAS