This is a short informative essay on a very dark place in world history.
I think you did a great job getting in the numbers and locations, for someone who had no idea what Bergen-Belson was before reading, this would be a great introduction to them to get the main ideas.
Some things I think could be improved:
1) You mention several times that the Bergen-Belson camp held those who were Jews and others who the Nazis deemed to be "undesirables" you don't clarify until the end who the "undesirables" are but because you reference it so often I think you should clarify earlier on.
2)
Bergen-Belsen’s living conditions were initially better than those in other concentration camps. The prisoners were allowed to bring personal belongings to Bergen-Belsen and they could wear civilian clothing as opposed to prison garb. Even though they had these freedoms, life was still very difficult.
^ I really have some problems with this section. I don't think you were intending to say this... but you somewhat make it look like you're saying "life wasn't that bad here" - and that is very far from the truth! It's alright to compare it to other concentration camps, but based on the vast amount of horrific harm that the place caused I wouldn't try to show it's "good sides" too much - especially in such a short essay I don't think you have room to get into that without the risk of someone taking it the wrong way. The one line that is just not appropriate in my opinion is, "even though they had these freedoms, life was still very difficult". Freedom is not the right word to use for people who are being held against their will, and "very difficult" I don't think appropriately communicates the horror of the camp.
I was surprised that in the section about how bad life was in the concentration camp that you didn't mention death or being killed as one of the bad things that was frequent. I really think that's an important aspect to include, and not just in the section about liberation.
The piece had fairly good focus with just being a sort of introductory informative piece on Bergen-Belson, however I don't really think your conclusion was very strong.
Concentration camps like Bergen-Belsen stand as a reminder for the world that just because someone is different, they should not be discriminated against.
Again I don't think you really go far enough in what the concentration camps teach us about the world, I would rephrase this in a way that captures the significance a bit more. I do however like that you tried to come up with a moral at the end, or an interpretation, rather than just giving the facts - giving the interpretative piece makes the essay feel a bit more important and lively.
Also out of all the information there is about Bergen-Belson, the detail about how the camps were divided into three different camps seemed kind of insignificant? I think it'd be more interesting to focus on who worked there or what sort of work they were forced to submit to.
Overall your grammar and phrasing seemed pretty good, and clear to understand. Your organization as a whole for this essay also made sense, you got a lot covered in a short space actually.
Best luck in future writing,
alliyah
Points: 147270
Reviews: 1227
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