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Chapter Three ~ Wish I Was Home ~ The Eye

by LZPianoGirl

Chapter Three ~ Wish I Was Home

(A/N: I time skipped from where we left off in the last book, it’s now tomorrow morning!)

“Wake up! Wake up!” I turn around, to see Eva, fully dressed, staring straight into my face. I make a weird gasping and screaming sound, it sort of sounded like a goat.

“What time is it?” I ask, head down into my pillow. It can’t be morning, I’m too tired.

“It’s nine!” Eva bounces up and down, like she is excited for something, “Hurry up and dress!”

“Why? I don’t want to!” I reach my hand up to the windowsill, where my phone was charging at night. I find it and bring it down to my face. Remi and Kathryn were texting me all night.

“We have to be at the London Eye by 10:15!” Eva says, practically shaking.

“Ugh… fine.” I give in. I sit up, set my feet on the floor, and stretch. Eva pulls my hand and forces me to my feet.

“Mom wants you downstairs by 9:20. We’re having pancakes!” Eva says before she climbs down the ladder.

“Of course she does.” I groan, shuffling over to my suitcase. What to wear, what to wear? After wasting ten minutes of my time pondering this, I decide what to wear; a white Bon Jovi t-shirt, black shorts, white tennis shoes, and a purse with a long strap. I stuffed my phone, phone chargers, sunglasses, small notebook, and pen in the bag, which barely fit it all.

I quickly brushed my hair before I rushed down the ladder. Even with a small task like being downstairs by 9:20, my mom will be angry if I don’t. I walk into the kitchen to find everyone but Ian and Sean (who were watching the TV in the living room) talking and eating.

“Morning sweetheart.” Dad says from behind a newspaper, “Help yourself to some pancakes.”

“Hello.” I reply, walking over to the plate of pancakes. I pour myself some milk, grab a couple of pancakes, and sit on the edge of the table bench.

“Have a banana, Quinn! You need your Vitamin D!” Aunt Williams sets a banana on my plate.

“Vitamin A, dear. Vitamin A.” Uncle Williams says, “How did you sleep?”

“I slept great!” Eva says excitedly, “The cot was extra comfy.”

Uncle looks at me, “I slept fine. Not good, not bad, just fine.”

I peel the banana and start to eat it. The adults start talking about what we’ll do today and Eva goes to watch “Shaun the Sheep” with the boys. I finish my breakfast and put my dishes in the sink.

“I’m going outside.” I say. Mom tells me to be inside in ten minutes, because we’re leaving soon.

I sit on the couch and look over the fence. Philip isn’t there. I try to look through their sliding door. He isn’t there either, just a small brown dog. Then I look up at a window. I see someone move, so I take my chances and throw a tennis ball up against it. The ball just hits the corner of the window.

The person darts back and looks out the window, it’s Philip, shirtless. He smiles at me and I can feel myself blushing. He opens the window and leans out, “Aren’t you up a bit early?”

“You’re up too!” I laugh, “What’re you doing today?”

“Just staying at home. You?” Philip, turns around, then faces me again.

“Going to the London Eye and some other things.”

Philip groans, “The London Eye. I haven’t been on it for years, but I remember I hated how cramped the carriages were.”

“Great. Is anything good around here?”

“Hyde Park is beautiful this time of year; the leaves are green and aren’t falling yet.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I say, sarcastically. Parks and nature aren’t exactly my thing. I can’t see how people appreciate it. It’s… plants. And air. And clouds. It’s nothing special.

“Seriously! It’s wonderful. I can take you there later.”

“Sure, as long as you change.”

Philip looks down, “Oh, yes, sorry about that.” He quickly disappears from the window and comes back with a grey shirt on, “Will you be back by two?”

“Probably. I’ll text you. What’s your number?”

I type his phone number into my phone as he dictates it to me.

“Text me when you’ll get back.” Philip says, putting his hands up to shut the window.

“See you later!” I exclaim.

“Bye.” Philip smiles, shuts the window, and leaves the window.

I nearly jump up and down. I’m going to hang out with someone my age, who’s super cute, and I have his number?! Awesome!

“Come on in Quinn.” Dad opened the glass dad and says, “Time to go.”

“Coming!” I say, a huge grin across my face.

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59 Reviews

Points: 134
Reviews: 59

Tue Mar 03, 2020 3:23 am
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Tawsif wrote a review...

"Tawsif Reviewing LZpianogirl' series continues! And just so you know, I'm loving this novel.

Since I've read a number of your writings by now, I've started to understand how you write. You project a lot of enthusiasm, in a sort of informal and casual tone. It works perfectly for you most of the time, but sometimes it doesn't work in your favour. You see, it's absolutely ok to be casual, but in some of the critical places, you need to be a bit serious, and use some weighty words.

Like here: 'What to wear, what to wear? After wasting ten minutes of my time pondering this, I decide what to wear.' Here you could italicize the thoughts of Quinn, and then describe how it was so useless of her to be thinking those thoughts for ten minutes. Just to make things interesting, nothing else!

Once again, I found you switched to past tense in a number of places. You should look into this.

Do you ever say 'hello' to your dad? It seems pretty awkward to me! When dad says 'good morning', you could simply write 'morning' instead of 'hello'. (It just seems awkward to me, that's it!)

I was a bit confused while reading 'the tennis-ball-throwing' scene. You were sitting on the couch, and then you suddenly saw the fence, and even found a tennis ball to throw. How did you see the fence from the couch, and where did you get the ball from? You need to elaborate on these things for your readers. I understand you write with a casual tone, and a casual narrator like Quinn won't care to talk about these 'small details'. Still, you need to elaborate.

I love this, pianogirlie! Keep writing!

P.S: I love the way you mention Philip is shirtless. Soooo hot!

LZPianoGirl says...

Thanks for the review! I appreciate this! If you don't mind, I'll start tagging you when a new chapter comes out!

Tawsif says...

Of course, will appreciate that.
Can I ask you a favour? I have this novel 'Lovel' posted, but no one's reviewing it. Could you review my chapters please? It's in my portfolio.

LZPianoGirl says...

I'll review it soon!

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111 Reviews

Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:48 am
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tgham99 wrote a review...

Love this chapter as I have loved all the other ones!

Some notes: there are a couple of places where you have some verb inconsistencies; one example is where she describes Remi and Kathryn as having texted her all night, which would make more sense if it were changed to this:

"Remi and Kathryn had been texting me all night."

Rather than leaving it as is, with the word "were". There are just a couple of spots throughout the chapter that are interrupted by verb issues so giving it a second look over would most likely help you clear them out -- just a small suggestion.

As for the actual plotline, I'm very excited that we got to see Philip make a return, because he was my favorite part of the last chapter! Definitely can't wait to see what they get up to when they meet up later.

A couple of notes about the characters themselves:

I like that our protagonist is written in a mostly realistic way -- her trouble with getting out of bed, for example, makes her seem more relatable, which I definitely like. You embed a lot of small details that add to her relatability throughout, so kudos to you on that.

As @Liberty mentioned, Eva does seem to be a bit younger than we're intended to believe; it likely is her enthusiasm and all the exclamation points that make her come across this way, but if she was intentionally written as someone based off of someone you know in real life, I completely understand. Just wanted to echo that opinion!

Philip himself is also very interesting, and I actually like that we don't get too much detail regarding his physical appearance in a very detailed manner. Just pointing out that he's shirtless and making her blush is enough to convey the message that he's definitely attractive -- ambiguity works well in this case.

A wonderful chapter just like the others and I can't wait to read more!


LZPianoGirl says...

Thanks for the review! I appreciate it!

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366 Reviews

Points: 23290
Reviews: 366

Thu Feb 13, 2020 11:57 am
Liberty wrote a review...

Hey Lucy!

Hope you're well today. I'm here to drop off a review for this chapter so without further ado, let's dig right in.

Alright, I'm not going to lie to you but - no clue if this is only me - Eva seems like a ten year old instead of a thirteen year old. ^^" I'm not sure if you meant it like that, but with all the exclamation marks, Eva seems like she's way younger and Quinn seems like she's fourteen or somewhere around that age instead of seventeen. So maybe work on that a bit when it comes to editing. :)

Aaaa, pancakes, my favorite! I'll probably ask my mom to make some for me today - haven't had breakfast yet. :P

"Vitamin A, dear. Vitamin A." Uncle Williams says,

Yeah, Aunt Williams, Vitamin A. xD

Ooh, Philip. I'm glad he isn't out of the story yet so easily. I wonder what's up with him? What makes him an important character...? Some secret? Family thing? I dunno, I'm just saying whatever comes to mind. Cx

"Bye." Philip smiles, shuts the window, and leaves the window.

Hm, this seems like an odd sentence. Window is repeated twice here, which makes it weird to read. If "the window" at the end of the sentence is taken away, I bet that'd do good.

Ahhh! Yeah Quinn! This is so interesting. They'll go to the Eye and then Quinn's going to hang out with Philip... Phinn... Quilip... >-> I dunno, lol.

Anyway, that's it for my review. Hope this helped in some sorta way. Of course if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever! ;)

And as always...

Keep on writing!


LZPianoGirl says...

Thanks for the review! I totally understand what you mean by Eva acting super young. I named all the characters after people in my class (except Quinn, Philip, and one not introduced yet) and so I also tried to make the characters like them. So, Eva in my class is super hyper and jittery so I made Eva here like that. Thanks again!

Liberty says...

Ah, I see. That makes sense. Your welcome!

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt