Chapter Three ~ Wish I Was Home ~ The Eye ~ Part Two

Everyone makes their way to the cars, Uncle Williams locking the door behind us. We go into the same cars as when we left the airport, except Eva switched with Sean, so all of the women are in one car. Aunt was super happy and kept explaining to mom, over and over again, what the London Eye is like.

“Now, the lines are super huge, but it’s totally worth it…”

Mom is nodding along as Aunt talks, but is obviously not very interested. I pull out my phone and text Philip.

---

Me: How big are the lines?

Philip: ?

M: It’s Quinn, how big are the London Eye lines?

P: Oh. They’re pretty big, but probably not that big early in the morning.

M: Good, thanks.

---

“Who are you texting?” Eva says as she looks over my shoulder.

“Hey, bug off!” I yell, pushing Eva away from me.

She pushes me back and pulls my phone away from me, “Who’s Philip?”

“None of your beeswax!”

“Mommm!” Eva says, “Quinn is texting some guy named Philip!!”

Mom turns around and stares at Eva, “Don’t tattle on your sister. Now give me the phone.” She puts out her hand and Eva sets the phone on it. When mom turns around, Eva sticks her tongue out at me, which I retaliate by doing the same.

“Philip?” Aunt Williams says at the stoplight and looks into the mirror, “Our neighbor Philip?”

I nod.

“Oh, I hate that boy! Once, at night, he dug up our daisies and ran off!” She exclaims.

“And when was this?” Mom asks. Mom knows Aunt can exaggerate or completely make things up.

“Oh, maybe eight years ago… but still! He is a good for nothing, lazy boy! His dad’s no good either. He works at in a factory and practically lives off Mrs. Intymac’s wages. She’s a lawyer, but always defends the wrong side!”

“Wrong side?” I say, staring out the window.

“She defended a murderer and won! The man was obviously guilty, but she convinced the dumbasses that he was innocent!”

“Lilly, please.” Mom says, patting Aunt on the shoulder.

“Mrs. Intymac just sounds like a good lawyer.” Eva speaks up.

“She may be, but help me God, she needs to make sure bad people are punished!” Aunt Williams is red in the face, and when we didn’t respond, she adds “Like her son!”

I snort. This is sort of amusing, “What has he done that is bad since he was nine?”

“Quinn, you won’t believe it! He took our newspaper, without permission may I add, just so could use it to cover the sidewalk! Philip was spray painting his skateboard and needed the newspaper to protect the pavement!” Aunt Williams looks back up at the road. We could see the London Eye, towering over the buildings.

“And by the way, Philip used to smoke! He smoked for seven months before Mr. Intymac found out and made him quit! The smell coming from their backyard when he was secretly smoking… ugh. It was horrendous.” Aunt mumbles something along the lines of “...good for nothing sonuvabitch…” and pulls into a parking spot.

We all hop out of the car while mom puts some coins in the meter. We all wait for the boys and stare at the ferris wheel, slowly going around.

Mom walks up to me and hands me my phone, “I don’t mind that you’re texting him, just don’t waste your time… enjoy the city and don’t focus on the boys.”

I smile and turn around, facing the London Eye. I snap a couple of photos, send some to Remi and Kathryn, and cross “Visit London Eye” of my list of things to do.

“Hey family!” Says dad, making me jump. The boys all get out of the car and dad whistles when he sees how tall the London Eye is.

“Shall we carry on?” Uncle Williams gestures for us to go in front of him, which we do. The lines are at least fifty people long and it is not moving very fast.

“I hate this.” I say, looking at my watch. 10:10, “This probably isn’t even worth it.”

“Oh, shut up!” Eva exclaims, “Just be happy we’re here. You’re ruining this for me.”

“Ruining this? For you?” I fake gasp, “Whatever shall we do?”Eva groans and ignores me. We wait the rest of the time in silence, except the adults occasionally talking to each other. People pass us, getting off the London Eye, and making their way to the gift shop. After what seems like an eternity, we all walk into one of the carriages and we begin to move.

“How long does a rotation take?” Eva asks, staring in the direction of Big Ben.

“Thirty minutes.” Another tourist says. There are two other families in the carriage with us.

I stand up and look out the window. Thirty minutes seems like an eternity and it’s the same view, just from different distances. I snap a few photos, pretend like I’m having a blast, and sit back down. It’s pretty stuffy in the carriage. There is some A/C, but the sun shining through the glass is unbearable. When we get to the top of the wheel, I stand up.

If the sky wasn’t cloudy and grey, the view would be breathtaking.

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Reviews: 659

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Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:55 pm

RandomTalks wrote a review...

Hey!

RandomTalks back with another review!

So I don't think you have continued with the story after this. I didn't find any other chapters but this does not seem like the ending chapter, so I am going to assume that you have abandoned this. Anyways, it was a pretty great story and I think it has a lot of potential. You could have continued with this. So let's get on with the story!

Aunt was super happy and kept explaining to mom, over and over again, what the London Eye is like.

You changed the tense here from present to the past.

“Oh, I hate that boy! Once, at night, he dug up our daisies and ran off!” She exclaims.

I am finally getting why you portrayed Aunt Williams this way. When she made that complaint about the daisies, I found it really funny as it was eight years and it is a little typical of adults to hold on to these little things and still complain about them years later. However, as she went on and on complaining, I got the feeling that is a characteristic trait of her. Her exaggeration was evident at certain points, and to be honest, it did not sound like Philip had done something actually major. Kids their age often smoke and at least where I live, it is not that uncommon. I think that her Aunt was goin on and on about nothing, but I really liked the fact that no one took her all that seriously.

He took our newspaper, without permission may I add, just so could use it to cover the sidewalk!

You are missing a 'he' after 'so'.

“I don’t mind that you’re texting him, just don’t waste your time… enjoy the city and don’t focus on the boys.”

I really liked how you incorporated the mother's character through this single sentence. You do not usually stray from Quinn so we don't get to know much about the other characters. However, I really liked the little we learn about her mother from this chapter. She seems to be a really kind and understanding woman. And I kind of loved how she was not swayed by Aunt's exaggeration and rather left the choice up to Quinn. I would have loved to learn more about her.

Thirty minutes seems like an eternity and it’s the same view, just from different distances.

I wish you had described the view here. The London Eye is actually a very big deal to many people and it was a great place to really get into the scene you know? Maybe you could have found some connection between the cloudy sky and Quinn's mood or even described the scene in general. I think that would have gone well with the story.

There is some A/C, but the sun shining through the glass is unbearable.

If the sky wasn’t cloudy and grey, the view would be breathtaking.

You kind of contradict yourself in these two sentences. First, you mention that the sun was unbearable, but then in the next sentence you say that the sky was cloudy and grey. The two don't really go with each other, and you should stick to one.

That's all!

This was a good chapter, and if you ever continue with this story, please tag me!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Points: 48
Reviews: 99

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Thu Mar 05, 2020 9:57 am

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Tawsif wrote a review...

The series continues!

Once again, I'm quite interested to see where it finally goes.

I was just thinking about your description. You are good at portraying a sort of not-too-serious, unconcerned character. That's ok, because Quinn here is not a grown-up. And kids can be a bit unconcerned characters. Some writers depend on more serious characters. Their tone is more vivid, their characters observe and think a lot. And it is through that observation and thinking of the characters that we, readers, can understand them well. This also helps the writer to get the plot going.

But I think what you're doing is also alright. Your characters are a bit different, maybe that's not bad at all. After all, we all look for new things (Hope it makes sense to you).

I just read Hedwiggle's review, and she pointed out the areas where you could add more description. My advice is the same. You can stick to the tone you have right now, but you can also add a bit more descriptions to make the novel more lively.

Like, why wasn't the view good enough? Just because 'the sky wasn’t cloudy and grey'? Here you could paint a picture of how the view actually looked like. That way, readers can understand more why you didn't really like the view. You need a bit more imagery, which is a fantastic tool to intrigue readers.

Anyway, I like the story itself very much. Love to read more.

Keep writing!

looseleaf says...

Thanks for the review!

Points: 825
Reviews: 453

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Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:29 pm

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Lib wrote a review...

Heya Lucy!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight. I'm here to check out what you've got for us, so let's get right down to it, shall we?

The fact that Aunt Williams really hates Philip that much makes me a tad suspicious. I know that this woman can be annoying, and exaggerate, and you tell us that but... ya know, still. Imma keep an eye out for you, Quinn, even if I literally have to!!

Aye, here we are! The Eye, the famous Ferris wheel, man, she must be so lucky. I know it seems sorta boring, Quinn, but just enjoy life, and chillax. You're at the most famous place on planet Earth! And the way she's trying to snap pictures just for the sake of it. ...Like...what...in...the...world. ;-;

Right, so I don't think much happened in this chapter, leaving me with a harder job of reviewing this piece. All we get is:

- A rant from Aunt Williams about how "horrible" Philip is - which is very nicely done. But I'd like to see more of her facial expressions, or if she's driving to fast at one point, or if she's gripping the steering wheel too hard, ya know? Little things like that make a whole lotta difference.
- A bit of Quinn's boredom and how much she absolutely hates being in London. xD
- And the last bit where they hop in and out of the Wheel. It honestly feels like just a second, rather than a few minutes. Maybe you could give us more descriptions on what the view was like? You could search up images if you haven't been there so that we as your readers can get a clear view, even if some of us have already been to the Wheel.

Well, that's it for my review! Hope this helped in some sort of way. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever.

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty

looseleaf says...

Thanks Lib! I appreciate it!

Points: 14
Reviews: 85

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Wed Feb 26, 2020 10:55 pm

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Anamel wrote a review...

"Everyone makes their way to the cars, Uncle Williams locking the door behind us. "
This sentence is a bit confusing, what door is he locking behind them as everyone is making their way to the cars? You could specify what door he is locking and then separate the sentence. Example: Everyone makes their way to the cars as Uncle William locks the (?) door behind us.

"“None of your beeswax!”
I like that you're using phrases here. The reader can infer that this main character girl is likely to be younger because of the way she talks, like anywhere from 11-13.

“And when was this?” Mom asks. Mom knows Aunt can exaggerate or completely make things up.
It sounds like the aunt is a really annoying chatterbox. So far you do really well at explaining the character's personalities. Because I haven't read your story before, it makes it much easier to know who everyone is and how they act.

I looked up London Eye, wondering if it was a real place or not. Pretty surprised that it is. Perhaps you could add into your story some more context of what it is so that the reader isn't left unsure. Overall there's really nothing wrong with your story.

looseleaf says...

Thanks, I appreciate the review!

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Chapter Three ~ Wish I Was Home ~ The Eye ~ Part Two

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