Everything has it's place.
The jam in the pantry, the dog toys by the front door.
And when a thing is out of place,
you feel it.
The gut feeling something is wrong.
The itch to figure it out.
The cat food in the day room, the candle on the table by the sofa.
The anxiety of wanting to fix this misplaced thing, but not really knowing what is off.
Coming to the conclusion it's not something but someone.
Concluding you are what's out of place.
Because when everything is in it's place, you are left standing.
Yes, you have a room, but is it truly yours?
Is it really your place?
Is anywhere your place?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Heya! AnotherCrowInRow (aka Kay) here with a quick review of your poem!
In this work, you beautifully capture the feeling that probably everyone has encountered - that we don't fit in, that we are somehow out of place.
You start this poem with nice motive of showing that everything has its place somewhere. This motive is repeated again later with verse about cat food and candles.
...and this is the moment when the reader literally feels something change. The moment when our lyrical narrator (who in this case may or may not be the author, but I'll use the term) realizes that it's not the things around them, but themselves that are a little out of place.
There's something deeply emotional about the last part of the poem (the one in italics) that just hits home for the reader. Like Valkyrie in the previous review, it reminded me a bit of impostor syndrome.
You ended the poem with two poetic questions that really resonate. I mean it honestly - after reading it, I was left stunned for a moment, thinking about these questions and the answers I don't have. It's a great way to end a poem like this.
I don't want to repeat what has already been said, so I only have the same thing as Valkyria regarding the grammatical aspect.
Well, with that I can slowly close this review! It was a really interesting read that made me emotional - which is exactly why we read poetry, isn't it? And welcome to YWS! I hope you will enjoy your time here and meet a lot of great people
Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever because timezones are chaotic and stay safe!
- your local crow Kay
Hi Kjones! Valkyria here to leave a review for your work. Let's get into it:
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work. The poem starts off light enough, noting the consistent pattern of things being where they're supposed to be, but it slowly takes a turn for the worse. The last two lines really hit you in the gut with the existential crisis. The twist that it wasn't an object at all but it was in fact the person gave me a knot in my stomach. It's like imposter syndrome, in a way.
One minor critique on the grammar: I noticed a couple of misuses for the word "its". There are two ways to use it: "it's" with an apostrophe (a contraction of the words "it is") and "its" (which is a possessive). There are some places in the poem where the word is incorrectly used. For example, the first line:
The bolded word is the correct usage because it determines belonging to or associating with something. Keep an eye out for little things like that in your future writings.
Well done on this work!
This is wonderful nice i look forward to be seeing more and if you have time you can check out Crown And Quill