always in each other's orbit
we just want to be happy
to rejoice together
just holding each other up
but you keep banging to my side
hitting me on the webcam
or even low near the keyboard
why is it so hard to touch that corner
we try every day and night
to connect on level we both understand
but ultimately we bounce off
and away and away
you poke and prod
expecting me to to hold you
but I'm not wet clay
if you poke me you'll bounce off
I know deep down you just want in
maybe its not your fault
your shape was made this way
but so was mine
so we love in those magical moments
seconds of connection
of unfiltered simple joy
but they're temporaryΒ
and once again we bounce
lost in each other
always seeking, always waiting
until one more magical moment
Hi! I love the use of metaphors in this poem, as well as the meanings behind them. I can even sense the frustration and satisfaction of the character as if it were my own, which I think you described beautifully. It really felt like something relatable. I like that despite it being such a small and simple joy, you managed to turn it into something that has a much deeper meaning and value! Except for a few minor mistakes, I think that this poem is really good.
Hello, Kate!
I love this poem. There's such a genuine feeling behind it, but it also has an interesting metaphor that makes it feel like yours. It's a lovely crossover between the emotional depth you're capable of and the more outlandish comparisons you enjoy making. Ultimately, you have a poem that feels mature but not stiff. So, I have to say I'm quite proud of you. With that said, let's dive into the poem!
why is it so hard to touch that corner
to connect on level we both understand
maybe its not your fault
your shape was made this way
but so was mine
always seeking, always waiting
until one more magical moment
121,211 Literary Works • 653,940 Reviews
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