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my little leo

by Jaybird


Description: A poem inspired by all of the time I've spent with my kitten these past few weeks.

my little leo

we sit before the fire,
watching the dying embers
in our identical black chairs.
it’s become a ritual, a tradition:
you, curled up in the tiniest ball
you can be,
and me, armed with the technology
of my people.
a phone, a laptop, or the switch
i stole from my brother so i
could play more pokémon
are all fair game.

but you’re so tired
that you don’t hear the
smashing of the buttons
or the aimless scrolling.
you don’t feel the gentle
pets i give you
when i glance over and
see how cute you are.

you’re growing every single day,
but you look so small
that i think i could just
scoop you up
and hold you close to my chest.

and sometimes the temptation
is too strong, and i gently
lift you from your makeshift bed
and hold you tight against
the robe that you’ve loved
since the day we brought
you from the shelter to
your new home.

you never stay long
when i do pick you up,
but, for just a moment,
the world is only a girl,
her kitten,
and the fire warming
both of their beating hearts.


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Points: 321
Reviews: 3

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Mon Jan 27, 2020 6:53 pm
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Theva says...



Wow! Beautiful lines. I really like very much about your poem. Each line of your poem contains strong feelings. And I enjoyed a lot while reading your poem.
.
.
.
"but you’re so tired
that you don’t hear the
smashing of the buttons
or the aimless scrolling.
you don’t feel the gentle
pets i give you
when i glance over and
see how cute you are."

I like these lines.........




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5 Reviews


Points: 17
Reviews: 5

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Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:51 pm
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Arete wrote a review...



Before I start, I just want to let you know, I'm not the best "reviewer," out here. I know my talents, and this my friend, just isn't one of them. Though, I would like to give you a short summary of the things I liked/disliked. So without further ado, let's get into the review. (Hey, they rhymed!)

To quote some lines I particularly didn't think went well was,
"... or the switch
i stole from my brother so i
could play more pokémon"
personally, I don't think they flow well. And don't really work that good over looking the poem as a whole. Though I understand the significance of it being there, I just think something better could've been implemented there.

Besides that, the rest of it was good, some rhyming was there, fell of at points. But overall, I think it did well.

Oh, and I love the cat!




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Fri Jan 24, 2020 10:26 pm
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AmandaPajama says...



I liked this poem!




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111 Reviews


Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

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Thu Jan 23, 2020 6:07 pm
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tgham99 wrote a review...



Before I review anything I just want to say that the picture literally ties this whole thing together and is almost enough to make me want my own kitten <3

The poem itself is very descriptive and I actually got a feeling of nostalgia that's likely due to the imagery of a fireplace "warming" two beating hearts. I think you did a great job of creating that feeling of coziness and security; the idea of a girl holding a kitten close to her and sharing that connection between them is enough to make anyone say "aww".

I do think that these lines stand out a bit and feel slightly out of place:

"... or the switch
i stole from my brother so i
could play more pokémon
are all fair game."

You're keeping in tune with the previous mention of technology, but these lines don't quite mesh, probably because it stands in stark contrast to the more homey vibe of the rest of the poem.

Aside from that, I like that you opted to use lowercase all throughout the poem; this makes it seem more "lowkey" and almost innocent, in a way; you make it clear that, in the moment that this poem was written, nothing mattered more to you than the bond between you and your little Leo.

Adorable poem overall -- the picture was an especially lovely touch!!




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101 Reviews


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Reviews: 101

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Thu Jan 23, 2020 1:50 pm
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Clairia wrote a review...



Hi, Jay! Clairia here to review.

This is too cute. Kittens are absolutely adorable and the connection you have with Leo is so precious <3. You really created that warm-at home feeling, and I could easily conjure the image of a girl and her kitten sitting by the fire. Well done! Your imagery is on point.
I really loved this particular stanza:

you never stay long
when i do pick you up,
but, for just a moment,
the world is only a girl,
her kitten,
and the fire warming
both of their beating hearts.

You really nail the feeling of those few moments of pure content that only come every so often. When the world seems to stop and just take a break for a bit, giving you time to be at peace. I loved that.

In terms of critiques, I'd like to make a note on the flow of this piece. It's generally pretty steady, but there are a few places where I was a bit thrown off. Here's one place that was a bit questionable:
and sometimes the temptation
is too strong, and i gently
lift you from your makeshift bed

I believe this could be split into four lines. Here's a revised version:
and sometimes
the temptation is too strong
and i gently lift you
from your makeshift bed

This seems to fit the pattern of the poem just a bit better.
Overall, however, there's very little I can critique. This was just a really feel-good piece and it made me very happy. You have no grammar issues, and the format (while familiar) is very pleasing to look at. I really liked this and I'd love to read more of your work!

Thanks for sharing (and happy writing!)

Clairia




Clairia says...


ohmygosh I just saw the picture :,) such a cutie!!




"And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?"
— Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland