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Young Writers Society


12+

CHAPTER 2: In Which a GDC Meeting Takes Place

by JasmineFelicia


. . . The sun outside shone. And the brick was gone! Christopher quickly stood up and started examining the room. No sign of anyone, anywhere. Then laughter reached his ears.

“Man! I can’t believe Chris got here before us!” The familiar voice of his best friend Felix made Christopher grin. He ran up the stairs to greet them.

“Ah, there he is! The masterful Christopher!” Felix bowed low. “And might I ask what you were doing here so early?”

“Just working on the cuneiform translation-”

“Did you finish it?!” Felix’s sister, Adara, asked, her eyes bright with excitement. “Do you know how much information this could give us?!”

Christopher held up his hand. “Wait! Where are the other two?”

Adara rolled her eyes. “You mean Cordelia and Evan? Called in sick today, and, ugh, that girl disgusts me. She said that she ‘had a headache’ and a ‘sore throat’. I believe that Evan is sick, since he had a fever last meeting. Cordelia is just faking it, and I know it! She didn’t seem sick at all when Felix and I saw her.”

Felix and Christopher exchanged glances and laughed. Adara grinned, “Fine, I won’t complain, you don’t need to tell me. Just show us what you’ve done. Last one down there is a rotten egg!”

They all ran down the stairs, and Christopher got a fleeting vision of three adults laughing. He smiled sadly. They would all be much older, soon. . . At least his father always said that, and Christopher’s father was a very wise person. And, all of a sudden, he was nostalgic for this very moment, and he wanted it to last. Adara’s hair shone and bounced as she laughed, Felix pointing excitedly at the words written on the paper on the table in the first room of the cellar. Then Christopher sighed shakily. He was known for these moments, where his mind created a fleeting vision of the future.

“Snap out of it, Christopher! Look! It was Lady Kenzia! Now we have all the proof that she was Ilomead’s wife! Now, where’s the brick?”

Christopher grimaced. “The brick? I, er, misplaced it. . .”

Felix and Adara nodded and started searching the room for it. Christopher was also known for misplacing things in obvious places. He did not want to tell them of the mysterious Ahimilek. Yet.

“Wow, you lost it really well this time. Maybe we should just start the meeting and look for it tomorrow. Sometimes we find the things you’ve lost a few days later.” Felix stated. Adara nodded in agreement.

“Today’s meeting is going to be especially fun without Cordelia!” She exclaimed, but one hour later Christopher wished he was sick along with Cordelia and Evan.

“. . . And that’s about it. Felix, could you please give us our experiment balance, since Cordelia isn’t here.”

Felix nodded, “We have four-fifty to use on experiments. Can we be done with this meeting, please. We have never wasted this much time before, it’s ridiculous! Plus, Christopher should be getting home. His Ma will be worried since he’s been here since his fencing.”

Adara looked like she was going to protest, but then she sighed, “Fine, just. . . Nevermind.”

Christopher and Felix grinned at each other. They all exchanged farewells and departed. As Christopher rode on his bicycle he could smell the fading summer. So many trees had already started turning a deep burgundy. A key of storks flew overhead. They were heading south. Christopher pondered his interesting encounter with Ahimilek. Surprisingly, the more he thought of it, the more it seemed like a regular experience. An urge to go see Cordelia and Evan grew inside him. When he reached Edisekal(the city), he took a detour to 370 Mukooks Rd, Edisekal, Anatnom. He gave three sharp knocks on the door and waited.

“Christopher?” Cordelia’s voice sounded behind him. Christopher studied her carefully.

“You weren’t sick?”

“No! I have to tell you something! Ahimilek said that you would know what I was talking about! He gave me the brick we found.”

Christopher’s eyes widened, “Y-you also saw him?! So I wasn’t going crazy. Wait! Maybe we’re both crazy. No, wait! You believe him?”

Cordelia grinned, “He invited us to the past, Chris! Just think about it! The time of King Ilomead! He was so serious, he couldn’t be lying! And you know that I can tell when someone’s telling the truth.”

“Yeah, you can tell when someone’s telling the truth, but can you tell when they’re lying? Just tell me what happened from the beginning. You don’t usually fake being sick.”

Cordelia snorted indignantly, “Was Adara giving you a hard time about it? Anyway, you’re right, I can tell when someone’s telling the truth, and Adara can tell when someone is lying, and when I briefly mentioned Ahimilek, she said it was a good idea. For a story. But she didn’t seem bothered by it. You know how that works, Chris! You can’t deny it.”

Christopher thought for a moment, “. . .Well, from the way you speak, it seems as if you knew Ahimilek earlier. Maybe this is possible. Let’s go inside and you’ll tell me when this all started.” He frowned, “I’m worried that he’s either a psychopath or a con.”

“Oh, Christopher, don’t say the word psychopath. Remember last time. . ?”

They both looked nervously around. Their last run-in with a psychopath had something to do with bombs and killing people. Cordelia rushed to the door and quickly opened it, ushering Christopher in, and slamming the door closed after him.

“I still have bad dreams about him. . .” Cordelia grimaced, then yelled, “I’m home, Evan, and Christopher is here, too! We’re just going to talk about an experiment.” She gave Christopher a conspiratorial wink.

“. . .K-kay. Could you bring me some water.” A weak voice almost inaudibly answered, then a violent coughing fit succeeded the words.

Christopher glanced at Cordelia, who was frowning nervously, “I’ll be right there, Evan. Did Pa say when he was coming home?”

Only silence answered the question. Cordelia muttered something indecipherable under her breath. She quickly got a glass of water for Evan, and ran up the stairs that led to the siblings’ room. When she came back down, she sighed.

“Sorry, Evan is doing really bad. . . But don’t let me sidetrack. It all started three days ago, on Wednesday. . .”


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243 Reviews


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Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:35 pm
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya, mint here with a review! I really enjoyed reading the previous chapter and this one, and so far this feels like a great start to a novel. You've introduced these five teenagers, along with a mysterious person named Ahimilek, and I think it'll be super cool to read more about their interactions and find out how everything plays out! C: Okay, now for some specifics...

“Just working on the cuneiform translation-”

I was wondering the same thing on the previous chapter, but how exactly are these teenagers able to translate cuneiforms? Does their school have a special program or something, or is it a common ability in this world, or is it just one of their interests? A tiny bit of background info on that might be nice! :]

She said that she ‘had a headache’ and a ‘sore throat’.

Alright, so I'm not completely sure about this, but I think moving around the single quotation marks to: "She said that she had 'a headache' and 'a sore throat.'" would help the sentence be a little more consistent. ("She said that she had a 'headache' and a 'sore throat.'" could also work!) Right now, the fact that 'had' is included with the 'had a headache' kind of trips me up, because there isn't a verb or anything before 'sore throat.' The change is totally optional though, just a thought! C:

And oh man, it's so relatable when Christopher is feeling nostalgic for the moment and wants it to last. :') I guess each moment will pass, so we should enjoy the present as much as possible... I also thought it was a really nice detail to add to Christopher's personality, so great work there!

“Today’s meeting is going to be especially fun without Cordelia!” She exclaimed, but one hour later Christopher wished he was sick along with Cordelia and Evan.

I was a little confused on why Christopher wished he was sick. I get the impression that it's because Adara talks a lot? But I think a little more clarification would help me understand it better. (Or if you think it works as it is, that's good too!)

Christopher’s eyes widened, “Y-you also saw him?! So I wasn’t going crazy. Wait! Maybe we’re both crazy. No, wait! You believe him?”

This part made me laugh. :D I'm really getting to like this Christopher character!

Overall, it was wonderful to read these first two chapters. Getting invited to the past sounds super exciting too, and I'm looking forward to any future chapters you post! (If/when you do, it'd be awesome if you could tag me! It's @Spearmint. Feel free to reply to this review if you have any questions or anything too! =D) Thanks for writing this, and have a fantastic day/night!!






Thank you!



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Mon Jun 07, 2021 8:45 pm
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GoodieGoat wrote a review...



Hello again, this chapter was excellent as was the last one. It gave me a sense of homeliness that made me as the reader feel at peace. I noticed from the last chapter that the POV stays consistent throughout, this combined with your skillful writing made everything flow smoothly and economical. The way you closed this chapter works well and is a nice way to close out this section and lead into the next one. I am greatly intrigued by the mention of the 'psychopath' and their doings and look forward to seeing were this leads.

My only feedback is that when Felix mentions the balance for their experiments he doesn't mention what kind of unit their currency it's in, whether it be dollars, pounds, euros, or something you make up. I think that little detail will add to your worldbuilding.

Something I wanted to mention is Christopher's feelings about a reluctance almost a fear of growing up resonated with me personally. I also like to daydream a lot, to try and memorize a situation that's important to me knowing it wouldn't happen again. The reminder of this made me feel a certain amount of regret and sadness, so good job and making me as the reader feel along with the story.

Again I greatly enjoyed reading this and look forward to the next chapter. I hope you've found these thoughts informative and encouraging.






thank you!




"There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts."
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart