Young Writers Society

wow so amazing I loved this poem it spoke to me like you know when you just read but not pay attention well the moment read the 5th line I was taken I felt like reading more I was so short and straight to the point , I don't know you but I love your poem and I would like to read more of your work .

Hey, Ivory! We haven't talked in a little while, huh? Well, I'm here for a very quick review of your poem! I'm a little rusty and blunt, so please keep that in mind while reading. You also don't have to take anything I say seriously, so remember that!

First of all, I love how scattered the thoughts seem to be throughout the poem - it's like the speaker is sort of convincing themself that they are the doll that they were thought to be, thinking of themselves of less and less human. It's an element of a poem that I feel could be improved, however, with different formatting types! Take this poem by E.E. Cummings, for instance, which uses different formatting to make it more scattered and confusing.

There's a strange part at the last line where it's more skewed than the rest - I'm sure that was a mistake, but I wanted to point that out so you can fix it!

Another thing: keep your punctuation consistent (unless, of course, it's obvious that a poem is supposed to be skewed and random. While I may have noticed that, it wouldn't be as obvious unless some type of formatting is there, like I said above). At times, you don't use a period at the end of what would be "sentences", but at other times you do. Some commas aren't in their proper places, and some are. For example (in a spoiler so that the review is easier to read.):

Hey there! Toboldlygo here with a review for you!

This is such a beautiful, heartfelt poem! It really evokes thoughts of abandonment yet still having hope for better relationships with better people in the future. The comparison of your feelings to a doll is a brilliant perspective and it made me experience acutely the sentiment you were trying to convey. As someone who's used to people only being friends with until they find someone better, I completely understand what you're saying in this poem and it goes to heart with me.

The one thing that confuses me is that you refer to growing up. Are you talking about someone actually playing with and then outgrowing a doll, from the doll's perspective? Or is this someone who feels that her friends have moved on and forgotten her, the way people outgrow dolls? It's a beautiful, tragic, heartbreaking thought either way and I love how you wrote that.

The critique I think is most prevalent is to work on the rhythm or tempo a bit more. Sometimes the lines read a little jarringly after the previous line or before the next. Rephrase a little here and there to make it read more clearly. Rhythm is one of the most important parts of a poem in my opinion, so a line that stands out can negatively impact the experience for me. On the other hand, a beautiful rhythm can make up for many other things, like the almighty rhyming and verse structure and whatnot. As long as it reads clearly and flows together, it is probably a beautiful poem in my mind.

Overall, great job. I think this is lovely and really a wonderful read.

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo