Flowing with Tao and Going with the Flow
Focus Area: Taoism
By, Isaiah Gaines
I thought I would die, fearing death, and mourning my father’s. Lost without hope. But, I learned how to overcome it. I am no longer lost without hope, but not without hope. Though the year 879 is the end of Taoism, it was a new beginning for me. My name is Yang Kong, and this is my story.
Chapter 1, Day One
My story started about 7 and a half years ago. I was 13 years old traveling by myself to Taiwan. For my reason is unknown, but I knew it was important. I knew my dad hadn’t had a meal in several days so I tried my best not to eat in front of him. All he was doing was for me.
So this is where my journey starts. I lived with my father in Hong Kong. The year was 879 as I sat against my door watching people walk by. Their emotions were too complex to identify, but there I sat waiting for my father to return from work. I was eligible to work, but the Tang dynasty was being overthrown and Father didn’t want me working. We were leaving soon anyway. Hong Kong didn’t fit us the way we thought it would. But as soon as father got home, he yelled at me to get all of my belongings and leave.
“You need to get out of here as soon as you can son!” My father yelled. “Head to Taiwan and I promise I’ll meet you there!”
The way father said it, I could never forget. Father’s tone was frightening. I knew I had to listen. I felt my heart beating and beating. I was holding back my tears because I didn’t know if I would ever see my father again. But something told me that I had to be brave. So I left… By myself.
Chapter 2
Something told me that my father wouldn’t make it to Taiwan, but I stayed faithful. I knew that I had to travel east, but I needed a boat or something. I started to doubt myself. “How am I supposed to make it to Taiwan?!? I don’t even own a boat.” I yelled in my head. “It’s not even a part of China!” But then I saw something. A group of - I’d say- five people. They noticed me too, and came to me. The group of people said they were Taoists. I didn’t know what a Taoist was and I didn’t have time for one. I needed to go to Taiwan. They told me they were also heading to Taiwan and that they can teach me their ways. The leader, Lun Gao said that he could teach me about peace and harmony and how to live in peace with the Tao. That was the most captivated I’ve probably ever been, so I accepted his offer of learning how to live in peace and harmony with this “Tao”.
I got to know Lun Gao more and more and eventually noticed that we had a strong bond. He taught me all about how a man called Lao-Tzu founded taoism and taught him about it. But sooner than later it was my time to leave and finish my adventure to Taiwan. Lun Gao changed his mind about going to Taiwan. I was a bit sad, but knew I’d take what I had learned with me to teach it to others in Taiwan.
Chapter 3
I made it to what seemed like a dock and thought I was going the right way since Taiwan is across the ocean. The main transport here in China are either ships or carts. So I sailed on a ship that could only hold about 4-5 people. It wasn’t too big or too small, and the people aboard seemed friendly. But, I wasn’t positive that they were actually trying to help me. They barely knew me and wouldn’t tell me their names. After a couple hours of just sailing, I heard my stomach gurgle and had a dry mouth. I didn’t want to ask the captain or anyone else if they had food or water, but I was feeling it, and I was feeling it bad. “Should I ask him for food, or is he going to kill me right now? Oh no we just made eye contact, I have the most awkward vibe right now.” I thought to myself. I immediately lost my appetite and kept quiet to myself in a corner where I wasn’t really noticeable. When the ship finally reached Taiwan, I waited about 2 and a half months for my father, but he never came. Though he wasn't physically with me, he was still in my heart. I thought of what Lun Gao had said to me. About living in peace and harmony with the Tao. I just had to keep thinking like that and maybe I could teach others like Lun taught me. The Tao is “undefinable” and each person must find their own Tao. And I did.
“You can’t had a lot a bit of good without little bit of bad sometimes.”
~Yang Kong
1137 years later…
“And that my darling is the story of your ancestor, Yang Kong.”
“That’s how Taoism spread to Taiwan, daddy?”
“It sure is.”
The End.
(Taoism is mostly found in Taiwan now. That is why I wanted to focus on it)
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Hi Isaiah,
Good story, I really enjoyed it. I really liked how you made chapters instead of just writing a story with no chapters. I also liked how you wrote in first person. It had a good story line, I wonder if you could fix the run-on sentences. Thanks.
I love the story!! I want to know what happened to the father. And where did the guy that taught the many charterer Tao to him where did he go? What happened to him? And who were the other guys were they just traveling with other people? And what kind of boat did the main charterer go on? Over all it's a great story!
Hello Isaiah,
I really liked how your story was full of Taoism facts and details and how your character has to do with the actual event of Taoism spreading. Although I do think that for the type of story you were doing that you could have included a lot more showing than telling, perhaps explain the water as he travels to Taiwan or the scenery on his journey. Although other than that you wrote a pretty good story over all about Taoism.
Hello Isaiah,
I really liked how your story was full of Taoism facts and details and how your character has to do with the actual event of Taoism spreading. Although I do think that for the type of story you were doing that you could have included a lot more showing than telling, perhaps explain the water as he travels to Taiwan or the scenery on his journey. Although other than that you wrote a pretty good story over all about Taoism.
Hi Isiah,
I like how you wrote about a lot of information that has to do with Taoism. The context that you wrote your story was unique and I liked it. The story seemed a bit short to write in chapters. Your story seemed a little bit random. I wonder if you could do more showing not telling. The overall plot of the story was good and your story was enjoyable to read.
As another reviewer said, this excerpt is more of a synopsis than an actual novel/novella. There's just a boatload of telling, and not much, if any, showing.
For start, I would recommend adding a brief prologue in which the parent in 2016 is tucking in his child--and after doing so begin telling his child the story of his ancestor. This would give the novella a better flow (no pun intended), given the ending.
Also, I would recommend adding more substance to these three chapters.
In Chapter 1, I would take much more time expanding upon the narrator's relationship with his father, as well as their personalities. The more the readers know about the character, the more they're going to care about the character. That said, fleshing out the father and son and establishing a firm bond between them would give their unexpected separation a much greater impact.
For Chapter 2, I would give the beginning a more hopeless vibe, as the narrator is travelling to Taiwan, before he encounters the five Taoists. After that, I would add plenty of meaningful conversations and interactions that, not only would bring out the diverse personalities of the five Taoists, but also enrich the personality of the narrator. Again, this would give the narrator's separation from the Taoists much more impact.
To Chapter 3, I would give the darkest feel. Since nobody on the ship is interested in speaking with the narrator, naturally he's going to withdraw upon himself. This would be a great opportunity to have him reflect upon all that happened since he was forced to leave home; sort out his feelings, and such. When people are isolated and literally have nothing to do, they tend dwell in memory lane.
For the "1137 years later" part, I would label that as an Epilogue, and give a little more substance to it.
Last but not least, I would shorten the title to just "Flowing with the Tao". Much more catchy, and less wordy.
Overall an interesting premise, but...well, see above. In a nutshell: show, don't tell.
Hey there! How about a review?
I really like the message this gets across, and whole idea of Taoism (learnt something new today, that was pretty cool! I love different cultures). I think you have a pretty good start here, but there's a few things that I'd thought I'd mention.
So first off, I feel like you could have written a lot more for this, and not just because it was short- you basically tell us a novels, or novella worth of a story, in the span of a short story. Where's the description? Where's the dialogue and contemplation? Where's the small details of everyday life that brings a story to life? Right now what you have here feels more like an outline (and it's a pretty good one, I think), but I feel like you can do SO much more
with this if you take a lot more time to bring us into the story, and let us know the characters? What was his father like?- I couldn't tell you.
I like this because I know that feeling of not wanting to eat in front of someone that's fasting (I think the father here is fasting but maybe he's not eating for another reason, poverty maybe), and so I thought this was a really great thing that you added, because it's pretty easy to relate to, even if you haven't been around someone who's fasting before.
This is partially what I meant by my first comment up there. What is his father doing for him? Is he fasting for him? Has he not been eating so that his son can eat? Please enlighten us, and explain a bit more, because we want to know. c:
Anyway, thank you for teaching me something new! Keep it up!!! ^_^
-Socks
Sorry I didn't explain, Socks!
The father isn't eating because he cannot afford a meal. All he does is for his son because he loves him. Makes sense? I hope I answered your -and everyone else's- question.