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Young Writers Society


18+ Violence Mature Content

Chapter 5. part 2 of 4

by Irishpride13


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.

Part 2

A sense of intrigue and curiosity overcame me as the creature transformed into a human form before my eyes. The towering figure now stood at a more Reasonable height of six, six maybe six five. It was clear that he had native heritage, evident in his features and commanding presence. His voice resonated with authority as he spoke, issuing a warning that struck a chord within me. "Unless you want to endure a life of servitude against your will, or face even worse fates, I strongly advise you to accompany me." I Took a moment to think Death of uncertainty , I agreed to his proposition, knowing deep down it was the only choice I had left for me. I followed him, my heart filled with a mix of apprehension, hope and sadness.

I followed closely behind the stranger, the encompassing darkness of the woods swallowed us whole. It was a perpetual night, so thick, I could barely discern my own hand in front of my face. The man, sensing my unease, warned me about the terrain, explaining how the darkness was just as much his ally as the creature he could transform into. It became evident he was intimately familiar with this environment, navigating with ease despite the absence of light.

In a rare moment, a faint glimmer of moonlight pierced through the dense canopy, casting ethereal rays upon the forest. In that fleeting illumination, I caught a glimpse of the man's form. Scars criss crossed his body, testament to battles fought and wounds endured. Intricate markings adorned his skin, evoking a sense of ancient power and mysticism.

I trailed behind him, my hand inadvertently brushing against the spot on my shirt where my mother's blood still wet my shirt. A surge of grief and weariness washed over me, but I knew that now was not the time for mourning. There would be a time to mourn and heal, but not now, I had to focus on the path ahead and the unknown challenges that awaited us.

We reached a clearing, and in the full light, Long Fang took the opportunity to formally introduce himself to me. I was relieved to see that my earlier observations were correct. His dark hair flowed down to his shoulders, framing his rugged and weathered face. His piercing eyes, a captivating shade of gold, seemed to possess an otherworldly gleam, as if they held ancient wisdom and untamed power. Standing at an impressive height of six and a half feet, he exuded a commanding presence that demanded respect.

Long Fang's chest was bare, displaying a tapestry of scars and intricate markings etched into his skin. Some of the markings appeared fresh, their vibrant colors contrasting with the aged scars that adorned his torso. Among the collection of scars, there was one that stood out, a white reminder of a past wound where he had been stabbed in the side. Each mark told a story, revealing a life steeped in battles and unyielding resilience.

We pressed on, ascending a steep hill that tested the limits of my endurance. The strain on my legs was palpable, burning with each step, while my lungs fought to keep up with the rapid pace. The cold night air pierced through me, causing uncontrollable shivers that made my clothes cling to my skin. Sweat trickled down my face, mingling with the exertion and adding to the discomfort of the arduous climb.

With a sense of relief, my weary legs finally reached the top of the hill. I collapsed onto the damp ground, feeling the coolness of the dew seeping through my clothes. My chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath, the exertion of the climb leaving me physically drained. I closed my eyes, grateful for a moment of respite.

As I lay on the ground, catching my breath, I gazed up at Fang in awe. He stood there, seemingly unaffected by the challenging ascent, his golden eyes locked onto mine. A subtle glimmer of moonlight danced across his face, briefly illuminating his pointed teeth grin. The sight sent a shiver down my spine, but I also felt a strange sense of intrigue and curiosity.

As we entered the camp, there were a few people milling about. Some were sitting at fires, their eyes fixed on us. Others glanced in my direction with a glowing intensity. It was unsettling. The camp was filled with a diverse group of individuals, not just men. If even half of these people were as lethal as Fang, the thought sent an intense chill down my spine.

My voice quivered as I mustered the courage to inquire about the true nature of Long Fang and the others in the camp. His golden eyes locked with mine, and with a silent nod, he confirmed the rumors that had been Spreading like wildfire. The rumors had swarmed through the plantations and slave communities.

Gathering my resolve, I vocalized my realization. "You, I know, but..." I gestured to the rest of the group. "Are all of you werewolves?" A mischievous smile spread across his face, his pointed teeth visible as he grinned, and an air of anticipation enveloped us.

Fang spoke again, his gravelly voice demanding my attention. "You know full well what we are. You're no fool." I could hear murmurs from the surrounding group. "If you ask me, there's no going back." He paused, emphasizing his words. "You will experience more pain than you've ever felt in your short life."

"You need to think carefully. This is not something you just jump into. You will be hunted, and you will enter a new world that humans only catch glimpses of in their nightmares."

My fingers grazed the spot of my mother's blood on my shirt, the weight of it all finally hit me. I fell to my knees, not caring that I was in the presence of strangers. It was the accumulation of a lifetime I had lived, the constant fear of being exposed and what might happen to me. I sobbed into my hands, overwhelmed by the emotions.

Suddenly, I felt arms close around me, offering comfort and solace. A warm voice whispered, "You're safe, child." I allowed the weight of years of trauma, combined with the events of the last few hours, to wash over me. Memories flashed before my eyes—the crack of a whip, the sight of a friend's lifeless body, the evil that permeated what was my life.

After a cathartic cry, a spear of determination surged within me. The hunger for power coursed through my veins, fueled by the need to seek justice. I refused to be rendered powerless, victimized by societal norms and prejudices based on my gender and race. I looked into the eyes of the person who had comforted me and expressed my gratitude. She released me from her embrace, and as I stood up, I knew it was the last time I would stand as a mere human.

Addressing Fang, I spoke with a mixture of defiance and vulnerability. "If you knew the horrors I have endured, the atrocities forced upon me because of my African heritage and being a woman... I am constantly hunted and persecuted. If I were discovered, I would be subject to unimaginable abuses. You speak of being hunted, but how would I even know the difference? Besides, I am a runaway slave, living in constant fear. If I were found, I could be killed for sport or sold back into the hands of those who once held me in chains."

Fang stood tall, towering over me with an intimidating presence. His voice took on a menacing tone as he demanded, "Speak the words." I couldn't help but notice the white hairs sprouting from his body and his eyes glowing with a darker shade of gold.

Despite his imposing form and the stark contrast between us, I stood my ground, refusing to back down. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to run, to flee from this formidable figure. But I resisted the urge, knowing that he could easily catch me if he wanted to. Yet, I remained steadfast, determined not to let fear dictate my actions.

I struggled to find my voice as I mustered the courage to speak the words. "I want you to turn me into a werewolf!" My heart raced in my chest, the intensity of the moment overwhelming. But Fang's response was a thunderous roar that pierced through my ears, demanding more from me. "Say it again, but mean it, girl!"

With a surge of determination and bravery, I shouted back, "I WANT YOU TO TURN ME INTO A WEREWOLF, FANG!" My words reverberated through the air, carrying the weight of my desire and determination.

Fang chuckled, his deep voice resonating with amusement. "Ah, there's the girl I saw in the forest. You stared death in the face, holding nothing but a stick." He regarded me with a mixture of curiosity and admiration, his eyes gleaming in the moon and fire light.

Fang shed his human form, and before me stood the imposing figure of a wolf. Fear gripped me as he approached. With one hand, he pushed my head to the side as his jaws opened wide and closed around my shoulder, near the base of my neck. I braced myself for the excruciating pain that I had anticipated, but to my surprise, it wasn't as agonizing or debilitating as I had imagined.

I could feel the sharp fangs penetrating my skin, piercing deeper until they reached the bone. The pressure intensified, causing the pain to surge through my body. Blood seeped from the wound, staining my flesh. Although the instinct to whimper and cry out was strong, I suppressed it, refusing to reveal any signs of weakness. Time seemed to stretch endlessly as he held the bite, though in reality, it was only a matter of moments. Then, just as swiftly as he had bit into me, Fang released his grip and stood upright before me, walking away without a word.

The woman who held me rushed to my side, cloth in hand, and applied pressure to the wound inflicted by Fang. The bleeding from the bite was more severe than I had anticipated. "We need to slow the bleeding," she said urgently. I looked down at my shirt, which quickly turned crimson before my eyes, and then everything went black.

When I regained consciousness, everything was a blur. The excruciating pain of the transformation into a werewolf consumed me, tormenting every fiber of my being. My skin, bones, and internal organs throbbed relentlessly. There was no escape from the unrelenting agony, and no remedy could alleviate the effects of this supernatural change. Sleep offered no respite either, as the curse of the werewolf denied me the solace of unconsciousness. It felt as if the pain itself was an integral part of the price I had willingly paid for this newfound power.


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Wed Jul 19, 2023 5:20 am
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya, it's mint, here with a review! ^-^ Looks like the focus of this chapter is really on Izzy! It's nice to get to know her better, but I do wonder whether you aim to have both Sarah and Izzy be the protagonists of this novel. Because if Sarah is the protagonist and Izzy is more of a side character, then you might want to shorten Izzy's backstory. But if you do want to focus on both of them, I think the chapter length is fine! Of course, these are just my thoughts. =P

You also had a lot of great description in this chapter, especially with describing how Izzy sees Fang. Fang is a pretty interesting character too, and I hope we get to learn more about him.

Alright, I'll point out some more things in specifics~

I Took a moment to think Death of uncertainty , I agreed to his proposition, knowing deep down it was the only choice I had left for me.

This sentence doesn't quite make sense to me, haha. It's mainly the first part, "I Took a moment to think Death of uncertainty." Also, the capitalization seems a bit random in this paragraph.

In a rare moment, a faint glimmer of moonlight pierced through the dense canopy, casting ethereal rays upon the forest. In that fleeting illumination, I caught a glimpse of the man's form.

Ahh the vocabulary in this section! *heart-eyes* "glimmer" and "ethereal" and "fleeting illumination" are such great words to give the scene a mystical, mysterious vibe.

We reached a clearing, and in the full light, Long Fang took the opportunity to formally introduce himself to me.

I feel like I expected some dialogue here. Like, what did Long Fang say exactly? How did Izzy respond?

His piercing eyes, a captivating shade of gold, seemed to possess an otherworldly gleam, as if they held ancient wisdom and untamed power.

Ooh~

My fingers grazed the spot of my mother's blood on my shirt, the weight of it all finally hit me.

I like how you use Izzy's mother's blood on her shirt as a physical reminder of where she's come from and what she's endured. The repetition of Izzy touching that spot of blood really works in this chapter part.

She released me from her embrace, and as I stood up, I knew it was the last time I would stand as a mere human.

Dang, that's a powerful sentence. 0.0

With a surge of determination and bravery, I shouted back, "I WANT YOU TO TURN ME INTO A WEREWOLF, FANG!" My words reverberated through the air, carrying the weight of my desire and determination.

You go, Izzy! Definitely felt the drama in this scene. :]

You stared death in the face, holding nothing but a stick.

Omg that's such a great sentence.

I braced myself for the excruciating pain that I had anticipated, but to my surprise, it wasn't as agonizing or debilitating as I had imagined.

To me, this description seemed to contradict the later description of the pain that Izzy feels. Perhaps instead of "it wasn't as agonizing or debilitating as I had imagined," it would fit better to have Izzy compare it to her experiences on the plantation and think that the current pain is hardly anything in comparison? Just a suggestion!

Hopefully something in there was helpful! Looks like I won't get to the next part tonight, but I'll be sure to review it soon. Thanks for the story, and have a wonderful day/night! =D




Irishpride13 says...


Thank you for the words

It took a lot to start sharing in the past and now I checked this website more then the book of faces
I genuinely want to hear what we'll have to say and I have been changing a little and the death of uncertainty was genuinely a typo that made it past the sensors

It was meant to read death or uncertainty



Spearmint says...


YWS is definitely better than the book of faces ;)
And got it! Typos can def be annoying, haha.



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Mon Jul 17, 2023 12:51 pm
foxmaster wrote a review...



Foxmaster here for a review!
Well, this was interesting! I was absorbed in this, and it seems our main charwchter is starting to regret this with all the pain. It seems like Fang has a soft spot and like the werewolves seem pretty nice. Maybe.
Some room for improvement, is first of all, in the first paragraph seems so long is because you didn't start a new paragraph when Long Fang was speaking, which you should, thus making paragraph one bulky.

with a surge of determination and bravery, I shouted with all the strength I could muster,"I WANT YOU TO TURN ME INTO A WEREWOLF, FANG!" My words reverbarated through the air, carrying my determination and desire.

You speak about her determination twice now, which is unnessesary, because youare repeating yourself.
What I liked about this was how well you described this, you're a very accomplished writer.
Overall, this was i truiging, and a second read would get rid of some of the mistakes here.
Foxmaster
This review courtesy of
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Irishpride13 says...


thank you. and i mad the small change. i didn't notice i left that in



Irishpride13 says...


made**



foxmaster says...


Of course!




Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
— Carl Sandburg