Young Writers Society

Hi there, nit-picks/flow first:

The fire of longing grows cold and dim within my heart,

I think the "within" doesn't quite fit the metre and I'm not sure why it's not just "in", which would.

Seeking the power to become strong,

This also seems a bit clunky. "become strong" isn't something people usually say. Normally it's just "strengthen" or "find strength". Obviously that wouldn't fit your rhyme scheme, but the issue you face is that it's fairly obvious you've used words that don't quite fit together to push your ideas into your rhyme scheme.

Overall:

I like the refrain in this a lot, especially your ending. You just bring in the idea of it not being about attention seeking, then add in the desperation in that "please" to make it obvious all of a sudden that the reason for wanting the light turned out is not wanting to be looked at.

I'm curious to know why this is, and I think it would make me more invested, but I'm not entirely convinced it's necessary. It is enough of a sentiment by itself that if for some reason or another you don't particularly want to make the reason for that clear, you probably don't have to. Have you gone from glory to failure and you are humiliated? You talk about love, did you lose your family? These are nice questions to have. I personally would like them answered, but I'm also enjoying speculating about them too.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits