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XxAaliyahxX

by Hereticteen


I used to play on the computer a lot when I was 10. I also happened to be a complete weirdo and outcast at school, so most of my social life was over the internet. I got really into MMO games where you could make an avatar then just stand around and chat with other players. One of these games, I practically devoted my life to. The only reason for that was Aaliyah. 

Her online name was Aaliyah Cullen, and she was really into the whole vampire thing. I was really just looking for a friend, or anyone I could talk to that wouldn't bully me. I met her in the "New Players" room. Neither of us were new players, but we were both looking for someone to talk to. She was the nicest person I had ever spoke to over the internet. Even better, we actually talked consistently, she didn't just disappear like every other friend I had made on these websites. 

Her and I had an in-game relationship, and we were great friends. We role-played about saving eachother's lives in dramatic situations and so forth. We built such a strong relationship that we would log on every day and ask each other how their day was. The only issue was that I had been lying to her ever since the beginning. I was 10, and she was 17.

I had told her that I was 16 when we first met because that was my usual fake age. I really just liked the number 16. But I felt horrible because I couldn't tell her that she had been spending all of this amazing time with a 10-year-old. I guess you could say I grew up differently, a lot of people have told me that I acted older than my actual age. 

We would spend time together at the park, the theater, or some random restaurant in the game. So much time, in fact, that I had began to devote practically my entire existence to her. Whenever I saw the username "XxAaliyahxX" I was alive. But I didn't devote my time to the game, I devoted my time to her exclusively. She gave me her email address and we would talk over email for a while. 

I had no idea how big of a piece of my life she was until she disappeared, too. Just like all the others, but this time it was different. This was someone that I had already spent so much time with, someone that I trusted. I told myself that she wasn't the kind of person to just leave without saying anything. After I stopped seeing her in the game I tried getting ahold of her by email. She never answered any of my messages. It went from talking like normal to not talking at all in a split instant. 

I told myself that she might have gotten grounded, just so that I wouldn't be so worried about her. To fill in the empty space between talking to her, I searched for her social medias. I found one of her accounts and instantly began reading though it. One of her posts were from after she stopped talking to me, so she hadn't been grounded. I sent a message to her social media account, trying to play it cool by saying something to the effect of, "Hey, it's been a couple of days. What's goin' on? I just wanted to check in and make sure that you were okay." The truth was that I was sad and angry. I felt like she had betrayed me by refusing to answer any of my messages.

I was 10 years old, but I had good intentions. Apparently, she found out how young I was because I had made a Facebook account with a picture of myself on it. When she found out that I wasn't 16, she began thinking I was stalker and started filing reports against me, making sure that I couldn't see anything she posted. Luckily, the police never came after me, but it took me years to get over Aaliyah. 


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11 Reviews


Points: 369
Reviews: 11

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Sat Dec 14, 2019 3:24 am
ReeN_beNa wrote a review...



I like the sharp turn of event the story's plot takes.I understand the boy to be honest, and also feel sorry for him.
I have never been in such a situation before, but I looooove the way you made your character relatable.
As I said earlier, I can would like to place myself in the boy's shoes although he lied about his age, he was young, was being bullied at school, and yearning
for this kinda connectivity and wanted to belong to someone or a group, which was what he felt with every moment spent with Aaliyah.

And for the part where he thinks he is in love, I would like to believe it really wasn't love that he feeling. Maybe a crush, yes, but he was now turning into a teenager, he was like an outcast, he was confused, his emotions was also a mess, and his hormones also had to set in. Being in such a situation is a whole lot of mess on another level.

all the same, I actually loved the story. Thumbs up to you.




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Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:16 am
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LZPianoGirl wrote a review...



I LOOOOOVVVVVEEEEED this. I have had multiple situations like this, mostly me telling some 16 year old I'm 15, when I was (at the time) 11. I knew it's wrong, and they probably wouldn't care that I was 13, but still. I don't do it anymore. I liked being older and being able to learn and talk to older people without them treating me like a child. Now, onto the piece. It was super well written and detailed. You have all the facts straight, and I loved how you did this from the 10 year old's side. If it was from the 17 year old side, it would be all about stalkers and stuff, which isn't as interesting.You should totally write more stories like this, and you bet I will be one of the first to read them!




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Thu Nov 21, 2019 9:56 pm
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Honora says...



Hey Heretic! Here for a review! Well it’s more of a comment cuz I don’t have anything to nitpick but here motherless ;)

I really liked this. It was very realistic and relatable to some people I’m sure. It’s something that happens more often that’s we actually think.
I would have to say that you tugged on my heartstrings when he was explaining how much he trusted her and how hurt he was by her just leaving like that. It really made me thankful for someone that is there for me everyday and just made me realize that he could leave at anytime. Freaky thought that :\ oh well lol

Very well done! I look forward to seeing more of your works! :D

Your friend,
Honora




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Thu Nov 21, 2019 8:53 pm
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dahlia58 wrote a review...



This kind of incident happens often online. Everyday, actually. It's hard to tell who's safe to be friends with and who's not online, since in person contact usually never happens. My only question is, how did the main character find out about Aaliyah's reports? Did she tell him the truth after be sent that message, or did he find out on his own?

This was an interesting, realistic story. I like it a lot.^^




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Thu Nov 21, 2019 7:21 pm
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Hereticteen! Katja here to review your short story. As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. With that being said, let's get into the review~

Overall Thoughts

The story is about a 10-year-old boy who becomes quite infatuated with a 17-year-old he met online. He lies his age to her, telling her he is actually 16 and they bond over MMO and roleplaying games. He even speaks about the games as though they were real encounters- and only reveal at the end of the statement it was in-game. Almost like he strongly feels these encounters were more than just "in-game" like in the sentence:

We would spend time together at the park, the theater, or some random restaurant in the game.


She eventually discovers his real age by finding him on facebook- she cuts ties and goes as far as filing reports because she is afraid he is a stalker. The story concludes with the boy stating it took years to get over her. A very cool take on an "internet obsession" story~

Suggestions

In order to give the story a little more depth, I suggest giving your main character a name and rather than re-telling the events, show them through more dialogue and encounters. Show us the character's thoughts while he is talking to her- does he feel guilty? Does he feel like what he's doing is OK? Here is a great resource for "show don't tell" in writing:

https://jerryjenkins.com/show-dont-tell/

That's all I have for suggestions~

Summary

I like your story and actually really enjoyed it from the perspective of a young boy lying his age to an older girl- definitely different than what I would expect. I just wish we could understand more about his motives, thoughts and rather than having the story recounted in this way- show it. Overall you have a great plot and I enjoyed this read- I hope my review was helpful and I look forward to reading more of your work soon! :)

Keep Writing,

~Katja





Time is not your best friend - unless you use it wisely.
— Marco Pierre White