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Transcript of an Encounter with a Mighty Green Beast in the Green Room

by HarryHardy


I must find one. I have to vanquish a beast that's been hiding in the corners of the green lands for over a month so I may fulfill the checklist challenge. Where are these things hiding?

Knight Hardy sneaks around wearing a second hand green cape...ahem...strides majestically atop his unicorn Elysium wearing his full battle armor, shining so brightly that the narrator was too blinded to come up with an appropriate comparison.

After hours of searching, he spots them, a cluster of beasts hiding behind a rock named "Oldest works". He spots several poetic beasts huddled together, a few stranded chapters hiding among them. As he sizes them up, trying to decide which one to take down, he sees it. A massive 7,038 word long beast, hiding at the very back of the pack. It's a chapter one. It is the only chapter one beast he can spot. He takes one last desperate look around praying for a smaller beast that was a chapter one, but there is none in sight.

He bravely steps towards the beast and it spots him.

"I am Tavernkeep," it announces.

Harry takes a second look at its size.

The best takes a step towards him.

"AHHHHHH!" screams Harry, trembling in fear. 

"cough" Mr. Narrator, I hired you to do one job. Just the one.

My apologies. I meant to say...

Harry stares the beast down, jaw set in a challenge. "And I am Knight Hardy of the Underworld, Slayer of Insert Appropriately Impressive Beast's name Here. I do not fear thee Tavernkeep."

"Oh you will," says the beast and charges.

Harry turns the other way and prepares to run away cape between his legs.

MR. NARRATOR!!!

Sorry, won't happen again.

Harry readies his Lance. Elysium lets out a "whatever sound unicorns make" and stomps the ground in challenge. Harry urges Elysium forward and the two charge at the beast.

The fight is long and rather boring. Harry keeps running, occasionally turning around to jab at the beast, slowly wearing it down until the beast collapses out of sheer boredom from chasing Harry for too long.

Mr. Narrator, this is your final warning. I will not hesitate to fire you.

Sorry, it just slipped out.

An epic battle ensues. The beast charges at it and Harry types up his first impression so fast that the beast does not know what hit him. A flurry of blows follow as Harry proceeds to tear the best down, paragraph by paragraph as he points out overly long descriptions, breaks in flow and impressive moments of characterization.

The beast is all but done. Harry comes in to deliver a final overall impression and the beast collapses, now on its knees.

Harry stares down at the beast from his unicorn as he delivers his famous final words. "As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest."

A flash of recognition registers in the beast's eyes. Those were the last words that over 900 of his brethren had heard before they were banished to the lands of All Literary to be lost to time.

Oh please, you barely managed to get the words out with how hard you were hyperventilating.

You're fired Mr. Narrator.

Fine, narrate your own stories!! 

Anyways, now that he's gone. I promise that everything he said was totally untrue.

After the battle was over, Harry...well me...I mean...I strode off atop my unicorn, clutching the fallen beast's head, ready to add it to my Hall of the Slain.


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Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:47 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hi Harry! I saw this while it was still a fresh piece in the green room, but I still wanted to leave a review even though you have a decent amount of feedback now ^^

Overall, I liked this piece! This left a strong first impression for me, since you have a clear goal to write a thematic piece for the site with also a good side of humor. I actually chuckled in a couple of places, so you did a good job of setting up the joke and delivering the ending punchline. Since this was a short and sweet piece, it wrapped itself up rather nicely, so I felt satisfied when I reached the ending :)

Clearly, the main plot of this story is the interaction between Knight Harry and his narrator, and I liked the touch of meta. While there is the other subplot of Knight Harry battling this green room monster, it's just another device to further the narrative of this relationship between a valiant knight wanting his heroic story told (whether it is accurate or not, we're not sure!) and his grump narrator. I think the story would have improved from a little bit more build up, first by setting up more importance on the mission of finding this massive review to slay and the subverting our expectations with the quarreling characters. As it sits now, it moves very quickly, playing your hand of the true story very quickly.

My suggestion might be to slow down just a tad. Set up the story a little bit more, maybe adding more details about the setting (what do the green lands look like? what kind of vegetation and wild life is around? what time of day is it? what's the weather like? does it add to the atmosphere?) This would immerse the reader more in the story before you introduce the meta commentary with the narrator!

Another thing is that once you've spent some more time building up the original story, once you get to the actual conflict, I'd recommend you play it up a bit more. For instance, once Harry fires the narrator, maybe include some more details about the narrator, perhaps there is a slamming noise, or a big plot of ink on the page as the narrator spills his quill in anger, or maybe there is more of an argument as the narrator tries to "reason" with Harry. Some of these elements would up the absurdity and could be more enjoyable to read (and write!)

My final suggestion would also just to be to keep consistent the way that Harry and the narrator speak. For instance, usually Harry would speak through italics, so we knew that was how the character was speaking. But at one point the narrator also uses italics, which makes it a bit confusing to read.

For reference, here is the line I'm referring to:

Oh please, you barely managed to get the words out with how hard you were hyperventilating.


I think keeping it consistent so the narrator always speaks through the normal text and Harry through the italics would make it more clear who is speaking at all times, while also allowing you some more room to play with the reader's expectations.

Also a whole, I think this was a really great concept! Your characterization was well done, especially through just a short piece, and I also liked the voice you wrote this in. It was all really easy to read, and a fun one at that. Thanks for sharing ^^

Happy writing!
~ Wolfe




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:29 am
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PhoenixEmberly wrote a review...



Hey, Pheonix review time!

This was a lovely short piece. I didn't see any grammatical errors, and you stylistic choices (Word choice, punctuation, italics, sentence structure) were well done and made for an interesting read. I really do enjoy fourth wall breaks, and so that was another aspect of the story I appreciated. The touch of sarcasm present through the fourth wall break interactions were much appreciated too, you know. This was a good read!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:57 am
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TrinityPoeting wrote a review...



Hey Harry! Nicole here with a short review!

First impressions: i thought this was a great short story! I thought it was a funny story and made me laugh a few times. I thought you pulled this off perfectly. I liked the narrator way you did too.

Things you could improve: not much here. As far as i could tell, there were no big spelling/grammar errors.
But, you might think about making the transition between ''Mr.narrator" and ''Harry'' more clear. It was a bit confusing at times. But that's just my preference, you don't have to change it.

Hope this review was helpful!

Keep writing!

-Nicole




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Wed Sep 22, 2021 8:07 pm
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KotGRCommander says...



Huzzah! I must say, I quite like this tale of adventures from your reviewing journey Knight Hardy!

I will add it to our Knight Tales collection.

- The Commander




HarryHardy says...


Ahh!!

I am most honored to hear this!!

*bows*



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Wed Sep 22, 2021 5:20 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Mailice here with a short review! :D

It was an extremely interesting and funny story. It's exciting and fascinating to see how you manage to create a funny story from just a note or a find. That's also the main point I'm making here; your humour, as in your stories, is again very well developed and comes across to me as a kind of slapstick text, if that's even a name. You come back with new and old familiar tricks and make the reader smile and take notice. What I often liked, especially in the very humorous moments, was the thought that he effect you wanted to create, you managed to give the reader; to keep him in a good mood.

I also liked that you chose a good and funny narrative form. I've read a similar form in a play and I think you've done it very well here too. I find the personification of the works an interesting way and gives the whole thing a fairytale feel, I think.

One point that wasn't so great, however, was that I thought the story was a bit too rushed in one way. The pace was wonderful for a five-minute laugh, but I see that this is only the draft for the story and I think you can manage to accompany it well with some armour so that the text doesn't stop there completely.

In general I liked the story and the idea behind it. I can imagine reading a kind of adventure journey of Knight Harry, how he gradually slaughters more beasts. :D

Other points I noticed while reading:

It's a chapter one. It is the only chapter one beast he can spot.

It would fit if you change the second chapter one as “firstling”. I don´t know why, but it sounds good.

"AHHHHHH" screams Harry, trembling in fear. 

The exclamation marks disappeared after your scream of bravery.

"As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest."

I know that quote! It´s famous! :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Wed Sep 22, 2021 1:58 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Honest, I was laughing so hard after reading this, I had to take a pause, catch my breath, collect my thoughts and then get back to the review. And the funny thing is, I still don't know what to say! This was such a hilarious piece! The characterizations were awesome, the dialogues, the 'Mr. Narrator', everything was so funny! And the most incredible thing was, I could actually imagine you with your cape and all, dueling with the beast titled 'Tavernkeep' on its forehead. My imagination itself took a laugh when I saw you in my head, suddenly sitting down in the middle of the battleground and typing furiously on your laptop. That imagery is going to stay in mind for a long time.

A flash of recognition registers in the beast's eyes. Those were the last words that over 900 of his brethren had heard before they were banished to the lands of All Literary to be lost to time.

The ending made me laugh the most, especially these lines, as I could not agree to them more. The line, "As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest," has become typically yours, and it will feel extremely wrong coming from someone else.

Overall, I have no words to share except that this was awesome. It is the funniest thing I have read in a while and I thank you for sharing it with us.

Keep up the good work and I hope you have a really great day!




HarryHardy says...


xD...glad it made you laugh!! Thank youu for the review!! Have an awesome day yourself!!



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Wed Sep 22, 2021 9:05 am
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AilahEvelynMae says...



Oh my goodness, this is amazing XD

Well done, made me laugh haha!

-Ellie




HarryHardy says...


Ah thank youu!!




If you have to ask, "Is this cliche?", it probably is.
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