Young Writers Society

Hi Harry,

Mailice here again with a short review to finish chapter 9!

So we have now reached the last part of the ninth chapter and this also ends the journey through the puzzle.

I didn't expect that the dance would lead to a hole opening up. It makes me wonder who this someone was who wrote this puzzle. Probably someone very eccentric.

Now we have reached the end of the chapter. In general it was a good chapter, you already divided the parts in such a way that the trio analysed each stanza in each part and came up with the solution. You coupled it with humour and a structure that I liked. Sometimes, I felt a transition was missing and, as I mentioned before, the vividness of the setting. That's definitely something you did well at the beginning of the story, but at some point it got lost.

Terry's POV was well chosen and I'm still curious how it will develop. But I also found that he fell asleep a bit around the middle of the chapter, that you couldn't see his thoughts as much. I thought that was a shame because they were actually sort of setting up a new mystery, and a sort of second plot path that was going on behind the protagonists at the moment.

Something that probably many here like, and I still have to get used to, are the short parts of the chapter that always appear. You're not usually the only one, and I think it has its advantages when you read it on your mobile phone, but I'm honestly not a fan of it. It gives me this feeling like I'm reading a weekly manga that sometimes seems a bit stretching and sometimes seems a bit shorter. The pace is adjusted to make it the most lucrative for the writer. I'm not talking about you, but I'm trying to illustrate it somehow. Let's explain it this way; you start the car to drive from your driveway across the road to come back to a stop where the bakery is. That's why it's so hard to write a single review for such a short text. I think the reviews all together for one chapter with all the parts there becomes one big review.

So my plan will then be to read chapter 10 on Monday and the previous of chapter 11 on Tuesday. Please tag me if more chapters appear in the future then!

One other point I noticed while reading:

“Fibnoati, Fibonaki, I remember something along those lines,” said Harry, giving himself a knock on the head. “Why can’t this stupid brain remember it? It’s in there somewhere, right at the top but it refuses to come out.”

Right I'm finally here! Let's get cracking so I'm ready for chapter 10

“I think we can rule out fedora,” said Terry, with a smile, "unless there's some kind of hat key for this entrance.”

“Wait a minute, Fibonata. I’ve heard of something like that too,” said Terry, “it must be something like that.”

“Maybe we just like tap on the floor/qpte in the order of Fibonacci,” suggested Rose, “I mean that’s a start. If the dance method is true, or else there could be some sort of hidden number pad in the shelf or something...okay, maybe not, this was a hundred years ago."

“Hmm…alright, let's start the dance method, one of you keep watch, we don’t want anyone to think that we got suddenly possessed or something,” said Terry.[/quote
Is this really the natural conclusion for them to come to? If it's not the answer, fair enough but why not have them guessing for a little while longer?

I also feel this is the last we hear about Rose for a while - is she really the kind of character to keep silent through all of this? I know she's keeping watch, but maybe she could poke her head around at some point.

This wasn't made my Willy Wonka.

Hi Harry! Whoo, so I've made it to the end of chapter 9... and it appears that you've left us on quite a cliffhanger here-- I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what happens in the next chapters! C: Alrighty, on to the review...

First off, if some bystanders happened to pass by when Harry and Terry were listing all these variations of "fibo," I could totally imagine them just giving the team a weird look or something XDD that part really made me laugh ^^ Honestly, reading these chapters always brings a smile to my face, and I think the mix of action and humor you use is awesome =D

Ah and now for a small note; to me it sorta felt like Rose disappeared in the middle of the chapter part, when Harry and Terry are trying out the Fibonacci tapping. If you want to keep the focus on them, I think it does work, but maybe just keep that in mind in case you find a good way to insert Rose in there? >.> I just feel like if it was me keeping watch, I'd definitely check in on those two once in a while and see if they've made any progress yet :P Not too big a deal though I think, and up to you, of course! ^-^

They continued to tap faster and faster until Terry’s feet finally started to protest in pain and he slowed down, before he eventually lost count and things came to a halt.

Who on Earth dances their way into a secret entrance anyway? This wasn't made my Willy Wonka.

Then out of nowhere, a small mechanical whirr could be heard followed by the sounds of stone scraping against stone. It wasn’t an odd sound, almost as if magic had once upon been used as a muffler but had now worn off.

Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! As always, please keep in mind that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad!

“Full confession, neither do I” said Harry, “but the name ‘fibo’ somehow sounds very familiar.”

“Yeah, let's give it a shot. Its not like we have much else. Besides, fibo sounds familiar somehow,” said Harry, “It's just one of those on the tip of the tongue moments. Fibo, fibo, libo, tibo, gibo, ribo, fibora, fedora…ahh…I don’t know.”

“Maybe we just like tap on the floor in the order of Fibonacci,” suggested Rose, “I mean that’s a start. If the dance method is true, or else there could be some sort of hidden number pad in the shelf or something...okay, maybe not, this was a hundred years ago."

“Hmm…alright, let's start the dance method, one of you keep watch, we don’t want anyone to think that we got suddenly possessed or something,” said Terry.

“I’ll keep watch,” said Rose, moving to the gap in the shelves that led towards the fantasy section and standing guard.

“Guess we tap dance?” asked Harry.

“Just tap,” said Terry.

“Yes that,” said Harry, nodding, and began tapping.

“Mine too,” said Harry, with a smile and leaned against the shelf. Not knowing what else to say, Harry turned away to study his toes.

Hi, Harry!

Ell here with a review! I've been reading through the Sorcerers of Hisderat for the past couple of weeks to get the full feel of it. It really is a reflection of your character. You also have a very unique, refreshing writing style. I can always count on a consistent representation of each characters' personality. Harry and Rose's dynamic is wonderful and I'm curious to see whether they remain at this stage in their friendship, or move on... (your choice of genres has me hopeful that we'll get to see some more cute Harry/Rose interactions). It was so interesting to see Terry working with the two of them, and I must say, I was a little surprised that he gets annoyed at their antics... He seems like an easy-going kind of guy, but that might just be because we haven't gotten to see all of his personality yet. Also, I loved the interaction of the woman on the roof (I cannot for the life of me remember her name right now, so I'm sorry!) checking on her associates, it was very humanizing and created a complex cast of characters that I think will move beyond the standard good/evil situation. Okay, on to this chapter's review!

“It's just one of those on the tip of the tongue moments. Fibo, fibo, libo, tibo, gibo, ribo, fibora, fedora…ahh…I don’t know.”

“I think we can rule out fedora,” said Terry, with a smile, "unless there's some kind of hat key for this entrance.”

“The Fibonacci sequence, that’s why it sounded so familiar,” said Harry.

“Hmm, maybe that other tempo line is more important than we thought,” said Harry, "or it just has nothing to do with dance. It is a ridiculous way to sneak into something."

Terry let out a sigh of relief as Harry turned away. That was headed towards territory he'd rather avoid. They stood in an uncomfortable silence, Terry lost in thought as he waited for the pain in his leg to subside.

This wasn't made by Willy Wonka.

“Let's hope so, ” said Terry. He walked right into the hole. The floor fell out from under him at alarming speed as the darkness swallowed him.