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The Sorcerers of Hisderat, Chapter 10.5

by HarryHardy


Feeling around the perimeter of where his finger had disappeared into the wall, Harry outlined a small rectangular frame and stepped through, seemingly vanishing into the wall.

“After you,” said Rose, gesturing to Terry.

“Of course,” he said, jumping through. He definitely knows we’re keeping an eye on him if that tone is any indicator. Oh well, he’s not doing anything about it. Might as well roll with it.

She took a deep breath as she looked at the section of wall. Here goes nothing. She stepped towards it, closing her eyes as she passed through it. On the other side, the first thing she noticed was the light. 

Instead of the white light of the penlight, an eerie blue light lit up the whole area. It was somehow dimmer than the penlight and yet brighter. Probably because of the color. This is uncomfortably close to the shade they use at the agency. She took a quick look around. Rose was in what appeared to be an ancient looking corridor. It was constructed from rough stone, the same material, she realized, as the wall they'd just walked through.

“What on Earth is this place?” asked Rose.

“Definitely a tomb,” said Harry, pointing towards a sign. Terry was also looking at it, having switched the penlight off. The sign was a large piece of metal nailed to the rock with heavy duty rivets of a kind Rose had never seen before. Inscribed on the black metal was an inscription in white, looking unusually fresh, it seemed as if it had been written only hours before.

“Here lies, the most esteemed members of the Order that stood for the forces of light. They laid down their lives to seal the doorway to the land of the eternally bound. May they forever rest in peace.”

“That’s a lot,” said Rose.

“Yeah, this mystery just seems to get deeper if that’s even possible at this point,” said Harry, “there’s another order situation, heck it might even be that same order, didn’t Johnson say there’s no one alive in that order anymore? And some crazy land as well. I really don’t know.”

“What we do know,” began, Terry, turning to the two of them, “is that there are ghosts in here that will tell us what we need to get from here so I think we can try and ignore the other mysteries for the moment. Maybe you two could come back and solve them all if it suits your fancy.”

“Somebody’s interested in evaluating their surroundings,” said Harry, with thinly veiled sarcasm lacing his voice.

“I’m just saying that not all mysteries need to be solved to perfection right at this moment,” said Terry.

“Of course you were,” said Harry.

“How about we just find these ghosts?” said Rose.

“Yes, Danvers, where exactly are these ghosts?" said Terry.

"Right over there," said Harry pointing in the direction the corridor was headed. It was seemed to lead into an endless void, the lights in that direction definitely were not turned on. "In that general direction anyway. I don't think we have to actually go there. If we call out, they should respond."

"Well then," said Terry, pointing at the darkness ahead of them.

"Fine, step back in case they decide to appear with some less than friendly intentions," said Harry, walking a few steps forwards.

"I thought you said they couldn't throw anything at us," said Terry, frowning.

"Doesn't mean they can't attack us," he said, and started chanting before Terry could ask him to elaborate.

"Is he always like that? asked Terry, turning to Rose.

"You haven't seen the best of it yet," said Rose, smirking.

A loud bang interrupted them.

"Gotcha," said Harry, as an unnatural chill overtook the place for the second time in five minutes. Rose shivered. What is it with Necromancy and chilly breezes? I hate ghosts. Hopefully these ones are helpful. Rose looked towards where Harry stood. Surrounding him stood three shadowy figures, humanoid constructs made of darkness.

"Who summons me?" came a voice. It was an eerie echo, sounding like a long forgotten memory, a voice of the past, Rose realized.


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Mon Sep 20, 2021 6:54 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here to finish this chapter with a review! :D

That was a great and good ending to the chapter. Overall it was a good build up to this point and above all well thought out. However, compared to chapter 9, I felt like you ran out of steam a bit. Too much of the chapter felt like it was just a repeat of chapter 9 with the puzzles and the path they walked.

As I mentioned before, I read the Parts all in a row and liked that this chapter changed a lot but also showed and opened up a lot to move the story forward character-wise but also plot-wise. With the cliffhanger at the end you also manage to give a little reward to the reader who has made it this far.

Since it's hard to give an always fleshed-out review when the parts are so short, you'll probably have to put all the reviews together to get a concrete idea of what I think needs to be improved or what's already good as it is.

In summary, it was a great chapter, just a bit too much along the lines of the previous one.

Other points I noticed while reading:

Feeling around the perimeter of where his finger had disappeared into the wall, Harry outlined a small rectangular frame and stepped through, seemingly vanishing into the wall.

By now I am convinced that you are trying to build an empire of walls to hide the earth from the sun's rays. Or you live somewhere surrounded by walls. :D

He definitely knows we’re keeping an eye on him if that tone is any indicator. Oh well, he’s not doing anything about it. Might as well roll with it.

I think that's a very exciting train of thought on Rose's part and I'd also be tickled to be able to see it from Harry's point of view for a moment.

Inscribed on the black metal was an inscription in white, looking unusually fresh, it seemed as if it had been written only hours before.

You're kind of repeating yourself here in a double manner. I think it can also be described as a kind of rhetorical device, but since the other sentences don't have that, I would try to restructure the sentence a little bit here as well.

"Is he always like that? asked Terry,
 

You´ve lost some quotation marks. Take mine; here “

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...so you think this one is too similar to the previous chapter? I was hoping there being more magical obstacles here with the previous one being more on physical objects, it would come off it wouldn't be repetitive.





I found it a bit repetitive from the main core. I understand what you mean, and I can understand that, but I see it more like a car journey there and back, where the outward journey was at sunrise and the return journey at sunset. Maybe because it happens so much one after the other, it seems a bit repetitive to me.



HarryHardy says...


Ahh...I see...hm, well we do have another riddle to solve, hopefully that one I can write better. Till then you can enjoy a couple of fight scenes in the next couple of chapters :D



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Mon Sep 13, 2021 11:47 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Feeling around the perimeter of where his finger had disappeared into the wall, Harry outlined a small rectangular frame and stepped through, seemingly vanishing into the wall.

I really liked this sentence!

“Of course,” he said, jumping through. He definitely knows we’re keeping an eye on him if that tone is any indicator. Oh well, he’s not doing anything about it. Might as well roll with it.

This thought of Rose's seems unnecessary. Of course Terry knows they're keeping an eye on him. Also, her thinking that she may as well roll with it is a bit redundant, as that's what she's been doing up until this point anyway. I think this takes away from the narrative so I would personally cut it.

This is uncomfortably close to the shade they use at the agency.

I'm not sure if this is foreshadowing but it's a really good line to use in here - adds just the right level of intrigue!

“What on Earth is this place?” asked Rose.

Are they on Earth? ;)

“Yeah, this mystery just seems to get deeper if that’s even possible at this point,” said Harry, “there’s another order situation, heck it might even be that same order, didn’t Johnson say there’s no one alive in that order anymore? And some crazy land as well. I really don’t know.”

Again, I think this is why we would benefit from having this all summed up. It's all gotten very convoluted and hard to follow and I think having someone like Rose break down what's happened so far and what it means would be incredibly helpful to follow the story.

Maybe you two could come back and solve them all if it suits your fancy.”

This seems an odd attitude to have... how can he tell these things aren't directly related to what they need to find out?

“Somebody’s interested in evaluating their surroundings,” said Harry, with thinly veiled sarcasm lacing his voice.

“I’m just saying that not all mysteries need to be solved to perfection right at this moment,” said Terry.

“Of course you were,” said Harry.

“How about we just find these ghosts?” said Rose.

“Yes, Danvers, where exactly are these ghosts?" said Terry.

"Right over there," said Harry pointing in the direction the corridor was headed. It was seemed to lead into an endless void, the lights in that direction definitely were not turned on. "In that general direction anyway. I don't think we have to actually go there. If we call out, they should respond."

"Well then," said Terry, pointing at the darkness ahead of them.

"Fine, step back in case they decide to appear with some less than friendly intentions," said Harry, walking a few steps forwards.

"I thought you said they couldn't throw anything at us," said Terry, frowning.

"Doesn't mean they can't attack us," he said, and started chanting before Terry could ask him to elaborate.

You've got a whole lot of 'said' in this section. Either change it up, or where possible I would remove the dialogue tags altogether as it makes it flow better :)

"Who summons me?" came a voice. It was an eerie echo, sounding like a long forgotten memory, a voice of the past, Rose realized.

Realised is a strange tag to have here - I almost think you could remove it completely.

Ok we're getting somewhere now! I'm completely lost, but it looks like our main characters have everything well in hand. This feels like a good point to switch to Evelyn, but we'll see!

Hope this has helped :)

~Icy




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

They are ;)

Hmm...yeah this has been a problem....couldn't do much about it in these chapters cause they are all written, but uhh this riddle is basically over...and the second riddle isn't written yet, so hopefully I can make that one much better. :D

ALso hmmm...Chapter 11 is Evelyn POV :D



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Sun Sep 12, 2021 7:31 pm
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zippyzonks says...



Right off the bat I have to say you have awesome dialogue skills! Sometimes it’s hard to find pieces with proper dialogue with punctuation. As for the italics, is that for the characters thoughts? Maybe you could add “he thought” or “she thought to herself” to maybe avoid any confusion. Keep up the great work! 😄





I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing.
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